I did it.
Mr. Soot dared me and even offered to buy me a ticket. I declined. But after much soul searching (
and large amounts of whiskey) I decided to watch this nonsense. Its as bad as you’d think. Now I already know that there are some people reading this and saying “
Dante, you have amazing legs. How do you do it?” or “
This movie isn’t even aimed at your demographic of 30-something year old Black dudes with amazing legs, so of course you wouldn’t like it.” To which I’ll reply “
Bad knows no demographic!” I’ll walk you through this nonsense.
The movie starts off with
Taylor Lautner (
Twilight,
Sharkboy And Lavagirl,
Cheaper By The Dozen 2) as Nathan riding on the hood of his friends car while heading to a party to get drunk. These are high school kids by the way. He wakes up on the lawn with no shirt on and his dad shows up and brings him home to spar with him until he pukes. Let me point out that this movie uses
any excuse to get this boy out of his clothes. “
Breakfast is ready!” Shirt off. “
You are failing school!” Shirt off. “
Murder!!!” Shirt off. He likes this girl
Lily Collins (
Priest,
The Blind Side) who plays Karen aka
Eyebrows. Seriously, you could slice steel with this girls eyebrows. She seems like a bitch and ends up partnering with Nathan to do a report about missing kids. In a few minutes they find his picture.
