The Review: Greenland 2 Migration

Greenland 2 Migration 0/10

Last year L was going through an apocalyptic phase and we watched some movies and TV shows. We watched the first Greenland movie (click here for that nonsense) and months later she found out that they had the nerve to make a sequel. The movie came and went (no one saw it in theaters) and then it popped up on streaming to ruin my day. This movie takes place five years after the last one (even though the son was 7 and is now 15). At the end of the first one they open the bunker doors and you hear birds and shit and its like “Ah, the storm has passed.” And by storm I mean a big ass comet that wiped out 75% of civilization. It would be so much easier to get to work...

The Review: Bloodhounds

Bloodhounds 8/10

I saw a clip from this show online and was like “What is this?!” Found out that it was Netflix and decided to watch while I still have the service considering I forget it exists. This show kicked all kinds of ass for the most part. It got weird (for weird life reasons) towards the end and I could tell that they had to pivot in a large way. This is about this kid named Gun-woo that is a fucking amazing boxer. He fights amateur and is taking everyone out with one punch to the kidney. He is also good at blocking which is very helpful as the story goes on. He ends up facing this guy named Woo-jin who is also very good and ends up beating him. Woo-jin is tough. He actually got up after the first knock down. Later Gun-woo meets Woo-jin and asks if he wants to get something to eat. These two become the best of friends!

Documentality: We Are Jeni

We Are Jeni 6/10

This not gonna be long. L and I watched this two part series about this lady named Jeni who was super tortured by her father for years and again later as an adult (when she invited him back into her life after he only got 9 years in prison for assaulting someone else in England but I am not gonna get into that). What was remarkable about this case was that Jeni has DID ( Dissociative Identity Disorder) and was allowed to have her different alts speak at her trial. Her father was sentenced to decades which means his raggedy ass gonna die behind bars. DID is something I saw in movies, TV shows, and read in comics (Crazy Jane in Doom Patrol of the dude in Split. Some people say they have it but a true version of it is interesting to see. I am glad she got justice after so many years of not being believed or protected but I had more questions than answers after watching this and felt a type of way after watching. There is no meaty backstory on what her mother was doing while over a decade of abuse happened to Jeni. There was physical damage done and no one helped. No mention of her brother and sister and if they had the same thing or something similar happening to them. I wasn't asking for some triumphant happy ending, but when this was done I felt like this lady was born to be the victim of a monster. No reasons or anything given as to why no one believed her or even how her father grew up to be such a shitty human. It was just like “This is what happened. This is how it ended. Bye.”

Click here for previous Documentality.

The Review: Swapped

Swapped 8/10

Spoilers!!! Last weekend L suggested this movie Swapped. I had never heard of it and chances are wouldn't have even checked it out because as I always say, it takes a lot for me to get into new animated movies. So glad we watched this one. This is about this little critter called a Pookoo named Ollie. He and his mother, father, and grandma live on this little island. Since he was little Ollie has been curious. Like, way too curious. Dangerously curious I would say. His father is like “Don't trust anything because everything will try to kill you!” He was super right by the way. His grandmother tells the story of how everyone lived together and these giant tree creatures called Dzo showed up and gave everyone the ability to be what they wanted. A firewolf showed up and started killing and burning them all.

Documentality: Cult Of Natureboy

Cult Of Natureboy WTF/10

This is gonna be full of all the what people these days call “victim blaming” so if that bugs you please just go read something else. When I start any documentary about cults I ask myself two questions: Are there any Black people there and why are they? I know that folks can join a cult cause they are lonely and whatnot. Hey. I have been alone but wouldn't consider myself as ever being truly lonely. I think even in my most sad state I would never follow this guy. This dude is a true piece of shit and if you have ever known a loudmouth Black dude you would hear him and immediately go “Oh, this dude is fucknuts. I'm crossing the street.” Like, a couple months ago on the bus this dude was wilding out. He said his name so I looked him up and I'll be damned if there wasn't a video of him screaming the same shit to a camera crew.

The Review: Balls Up

Balls Up 6/10

L and I watched this crazy ass movie after she was intrigued by the premise. I am not a fan of the comedian in this but think it worked because he played more of the straight man between the two. Doing this from memory because Wiki didn't even bother to have a description. This is about a guy at an advertising agency named Elijah who creates this new condom that also covers your balls. They want to get a deal at the World Cup. Brad jumps in and changes the name which people like better. They head to Brazil and end up scoring the deal and go out to celebrate. While doing so Brad convinces the guy to have a drink though he is 9 years sober. This man gets drunk, does coke, and ends up swinging around the bar butt naked but not before giving them passes to the game soon. Brad and Elijah are fired and another company gets the deal.

The Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem 9/10

It takes a certain style of art and humor for me to be into any new animated movie. Some I look at it and go “Meh” or “That bothers me” and I won't watch. But after Ro suggested this after seeing that I have made a ton of turtle based designs said I would enjoy this. When I say this movie got me from the start I mean it. A damned ninja turtle movie started off with “Ante Up” by MOP! By the way, the music in this is incredible. The ones they use and the original soundtrack. This movie was delightful as fuck.

The Review: Crime 101

Crime 101 DNF/10

Guess I need to write something about this wack ass movie. L and I watched this and made it an hour in with too much to go. We were so uninterested in what this was and where the story was going. Probably the most boring heist based movies I have ever seen in a world where I have seen heist movies where you never see it happen. So this dude Mike is a jewel thief. He also wants to change up his life. He handler knows this and starts handing the jobs off to another guy who is violent and stupid. A detective is hunting him down and his department no longer has faith in him neither does his wife. Then there is an insurance broker named Sharon. There lives all collide at some point but that happens after I stopped watching. I could not care less about the way this ended (looks up ending). Yeah, I'm glad I didn't finish this. Nice cast full of MCU actors and actresses but this shit was dull.

Chris Hemsworth as Mike/James Davis

Mark Ruffalo as Det. Lou Lubesnick

Barry Keoghan as Ormon

Halle Berry as Sharon Combs

Monica Barbaro as Maya

Nick Nolte as Money

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Ballerina

 

Ballerina 2/10

Spoilers. I really don't have all that much to say about this movie. I watched it yesterday and it felt like I was just watching people practice for an action film is a really expensive way. All the effects and such were there but this story just felt so...blah. I am not sure why I didn't connect to the character of Eve because I like the actress that played her. I liked a lot of the people in this. But in the end it just felt like a cash grab just riding off the tailcoat of John Wick who even shows up in this and if not for his help and mercy the main character would have died. I should mention the story. Little girl dad gets killed and she escapes and grows up for revenge hunting a group only to find out that her father was one of them and so is she. Oh, and her sister she thought was dead is alive. It felt more like a made for Netflix movie with a good budget. Like, this should be good or at least cool. Every fight scene felt too “dancey.” For example as much as I love the OG Mortal Kombat movie some of them fights seemed like they were counting until the next move. I didn't buy Eve as this bad ass fighting machine. Just lucky everyone is a bad shot.

Ana de Armas as Eve Macarro

Anjelica Huston as The Director

Gabriel Byrne as the Chancellor

Lance Reddick as Charon

Norman Reedus as Daniel Pine

Ian McShane as Winston Scott

Keanu Reeves as John Wick

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Paradise Season 2

Paradise Season 2 (2/10)

Okay. This is gonna have all the spoilers. The first season of this was incredible. I was telling everyone to watch this because it was such an amazing series and L and I got hype when we saw a prop during a studio tour knowing a second season was coming. Well, they could have kept it because this was booty. I have concerns, complaints, and conundrums. I have all the C's! How could a show go from being one of the best pure seasons of television to whatever the fuck it became. The more I sit on this the worst it gets (ha!) so let me just get this out of my system before I piss myself off more. I am gonna do this episode by episode otherwise it will make even less sense than it did.

The Review: Wake Up Dead Man

Wake Up Dead Man 9/10

One of the last things L and I watched was this movie. I enjoyed Knives Out a lot and Glass Onion as well. I liked this one but with each of these movies have trouble trying to talk about it. Not because of spoilers but I have trouble writing about detective stuff so this is gonna be short even though it has an incredible cast and a story that was so insane that there was no way in hell I could solve this mystery. Hell, even at one point Blanc was like “I don't know how to figure this out!” A priest that used to box but killed a man in the ring gets sent to a church with a reverend Wick. He is a wild asshole. The people that stay in his church are all weird and want something from him. During service Wick is stabbed to death and later emerges from his mausoleum like some damned miracle.

The Review: Anaconda

Anaconda 8/10

L and I watched this crazy ass movie for some reason. My cousin said it was funny so I was willing to give it a try. This group of friends decide to make a movie after watching one they made as children. Doug wanted to be a director and is currently making wedding announcement videos that are too weird for his customers. Ronald is an extra in TV shows and not happy. Kenny is the camera man who loves the drinking and drugs. Claire is their actress and currently a lawyer. Ronald says that he bought the rights to the Anaconda movie franchise and they decide to head to Brazil and make a movie. There is also a side story with this lady named Ana that is a freedom fighter. Right?

The Review: People We Meet On Vacation

People We Meet On Vacation 5/10

This was an okay movie but aggravated me as someone who has a lot of lady friends and doesn't hold onto these pining feelings the entire time waiting for the chance to bone down. This guy Alex meets with this girl named Poppy and she is pretty much feral. Just everything about her is weird, rude, no sense of personal space, or loud. Just zero social skills (which is pretty much like most young people these days). They go on a road trip that is supposed to be a few hours that ends up taking over a day because of her. In present day there is a wedding coming up and they are both gonna end up there. We get flashbacks of their relationship. Every year during the summer for a week they take a vacation together whether they are dating other people or not. There are some close calls and obvious sexual tension between them. Its awkward and annoying. Of course they end up together in the end and even when given a reason as to why it will work my brain is just like “Until she gets bored.” I forgot to mention that her job is taking vacations and writing about them. There is a trope called “manic pixie dream girl” and she is the definition of it. I have known friends of friends that fit this and in my head they have a 10 minute time limit around me. This dude decided to take a chance.

Emily Bader as Poppy

Tom Blyth as Alex

Sarah Catherine Hook as Sarah

Lucien Laviscount as Trey

Miles Heizer as David

Jameela Jamil as Swapna

Click here for previous The Review.

Curtain Call: Six The Musical

Six The Musical 9/10

Cam and I went to see Six again a few weeks ago. L was supposed to come but felt under the weather. This is the show that made me wish that more live shows were shorter. 90 minutes no intermission in and out. The first time I saw this I was listening to a podcast and just heard about all these ladies so the information was fresh in my mind. Had to do some catching up. The first time I saw this there was one performer that was kinda weak but didn't affect the show and the same thing happened again this time but with a different character. This is still a super fun show and one I will see every time its at The Pantages. The sound was good as well. Its the exact same show as before so I'm not gonna get into the weeds describing what it is about.

Click here for previous Curtain Call.

Oh, I wanted to include a photo of how crazy the lobby was after the show. We wanted to get something but the merch wasn't all that interesting.

The Review: Imaginary (2024)

Imaginary 1/10

Me and my lady watched a lot of movies over the last few days and I am trying not to let them start piling up so I am gonna start with the first one we checked out called Imaginary. This movie was terrible ass. It is funny how the worst a movie is the longer I know I am gonna be ranting about it but I will try not to be too long with this one. This children's book author/artist named Jessica is having this crazy ass dream where a man-spider is chasing her all around a house. She wakes scared as shit and her husband, Max, kinda jokes with her about it. This was not a dream I could ever imagine joking about. They are waiting for home renovations to be done at her childhood home. She decides they should just move on in now which is a terrible ass idea. There is also Alice and Taylor, Max's children from his last marriage. Alice is little and precocious as fuck while Taylor is a teenager meaning she is annoying as all fuck. Source: I work in a high school. Everything she says to Jessica is a slapable offense.