The Review: Balls Up

Balls Up 6/10

L and I watched this crazy ass movie after she was intrigued by the premise. I am not a fan of the comedian in this but think it worked because he played more of the straight man between the two. Doing this from memory because Wiki didn't even bother to have a description. This is about a guy at an advertising agency named Elijah who creates this new condom that also covers your balls. They want to get a deal at the World Cup. Brad jumps in and changes the name which people like better. They head to Brazil and end up scoring the deal and go out to celebrate. While doing so Brad convinces the guy to have a drink though he is 9 years sober. This man gets drunk, does coke, and ends up swinging around the bar butt naked but not before giving them passes to the game soon. Brad and Elijah are fired and another company gets the deal.

The Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem 9/10

It takes a certain style of art and humor for me to be into any new animated movie. Some I look at it and go “Meh” or “That bothers me” and I won't watch. But after Ro suggested this after seeing that I have made a ton of turtle based designs said I would enjoy this. When I say this movie got me from the start I mean it. A damned ninja turtle movie started off with “Ante Up” by MOP! By the way, the music in this is incredible. The ones they use and the original soundtrack. This movie was delightful as fuck.

The Review: Crime 101

Crime 101 DNF/10

Guess I need to write something about this wack ass movie. L and I watched this and made it an hour in with too much to go. We were so uninterested in what this was and where the story was going. Probably the most boring heist based movies I have ever seen in a world where I have seen heist movies where you never see it happen. So this dude Mike is a jewel thief. He also wants to change up his life. He handler knows this and starts handing the jobs off to another guy who is violent and stupid. A detective is hunting him down and his department no longer has faith in him neither does his wife. Then there is an insurance broker named Sharon. There lives all collide at some point but that happens after I stopped watching. I could not care less about the way this ended (looks up ending). Yeah, I'm glad I didn't finish this. Nice cast full of MCU actors and actresses but this shit was dull.

Chris Hemsworth as Mike/James Davis

Mark Ruffalo as Det. Lou Lubesnick

Barry Keoghan as Ormon

Halle Berry as Sharon Combs

Monica Barbaro as Maya

Nick Nolte as Money

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Ballerina

 

Ballerina 2/10

Spoilers. I really don't have all that much to say about this movie. I watched it yesterday and it felt like I was just watching people practice for an action film is a really expensive way. All the effects and such were there but this story just felt so...blah. I am not sure why I didn't connect to the character of Eve because I like the actress that played her. I liked a lot of the people in this. But in the end it just felt like a cash grab just riding off the tailcoat of John Wick who even shows up in this and if not for his help and mercy the main character would have died. I should mention the story. Little girl dad gets killed and she escapes and grows up for revenge hunting a group only to find out that her father was one of them and so is she. Oh, and her sister she thought was dead is alive. It felt more like a made for Netflix movie with a good budget. Like, this should be good or at least cool. Every fight scene felt too “dancey.” For example as much as I love the OG Mortal Kombat movie some of them fights seemed like they were counting until the next move. I didn't buy Eve as this bad ass fighting machine. Just lucky everyone is a bad shot.

Ana de Armas as Eve Macarro

Anjelica Huston as The Director

Gabriel Byrne as the Chancellor

Lance Reddick as Charon

Norman Reedus as Daniel Pine

Ian McShane as Winston Scott

Keanu Reeves as John Wick

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Paradise Season 2

Paradise Season 2 (2/10)

Okay. This is gonna have all the spoilers. The first season of this was incredible. I was telling everyone to watch this because it was such an amazing series and L and I got hype when we saw a prop during a studio tour knowing a second season was coming. Well, they could have kept it because this was booty. I have concerns, complaints, and conundrums. I have all the C's! How could a show go from being one of the best pure seasons of television to whatever the fuck it became. The more I sit on this the worst it gets (ha!) so let me just get this out of my system before I piss myself off more. I am gonna do this episode by episode otherwise it will make even less sense than it did.

The Review: Wake Up Dead Man

Wake Up Dead Man 9/10

One of the last things L and I watched was this movie. I enjoyed Knives Out a lot and Glass Onion as well. I liked this one but with each of these movies have trouble trying to talk about it. Not because of spoilers but I have trouble writing about detective stuff so this is gonna be short even though it has an incredible cast and a story that was so insane that there was no way in hell I could solve this mystery. Hell, even at one point Blanc was like “I don't know how to figure this out!” A priest that used to box but killed a man in the ring gets sent to a church with a reverend Wick. He is a wild asshole. The people that stay in his church are all weird and want something from him. During service Wick is stabbed to death and later emerges from his mausoleum like some damned miracle.

The Review: Anaconda

Anaconda 8/10

L and I watched this crazy ass movie for some reason. My cousin said it was funny so I was willing to give it a try. This group of friends decide to make a movie after watching one they made as children. Doug wanted to be a director and is currently making wedding announcement videos that are too weird for his customers. Ronald is an extra in TV shows and not happy. Kenny is the camera man who loves the drinking and drugs. Claire is their actress and currently a lawyer. Ronald says that he bought the rights to the Anaconda movie franchise and they decide to head to Brazil and make a movie. There is also a side story with this lady named Ana that is a freedom fighter. Right?

The Review: People We Meet On Vacation

People We Meet On Vacation 5/10

This was an okay movie but aggravated me as someone who has a lot of lady friends and doesn't hold onto these pining feelings the entire time waiting for the chance to bone down. This guy Alex meets with this girl named Poppy and she is pretty much feral. Just everything about her is weird, rude, no sense of personal space, or loud. Just zero social skills (which is pretty much like most young people these days). They go on a road trip that is supposed to be a few hours that ends up taking over a day because of her. In present day there is a wedding coming up and they are both gonna end up there. We get flashbacks of their relationship. Every year during the summer for a week they take a vacation together whether they are dating other people or not. There are some close calls and obvious sexual tension between them. Its awkward and annoying. Of course they end up together in the end and even when given a reason as to why it will work my brain is just like “Until she gets bored.” I forgot to mention that her job is taking vacations and writing about them. There is a trope called “manic pixie dream girl” and she is the definition of it. I have known friends of friends that fit this and in my head they have a 10 minute time limit around me. This dude decided to take a chance.

Emily Bader as Poppy

Tom Blyth as Alex

Sarah Catherine Hook as Sarah

Lucien Laviscount as Trey

Miles Heizer as David

Jameela Jamil as Swapna

Click here for previous The Review.

Curtain Call: Six The Musical

Six The Musical 9/10

Cam and I went to see Six again a few weeks ago. L was supposed to come but felt under the weather. This is the show that made me wish that more live shows were shorter. 90 minutes no intermission in and out. The first time I saw this I was listening to a podcast and just heard about all these ladies so the information was fresh in my mind. Had to do some catching up. The first time I saw this there was one performer that was kinda weak but didn't affect the show and the same thing happened again this time but with a different character. This is still a super fun show and one I will see every time its at The Pantages. The sound was good as well. Its the exact same show as before so I'm not gonna get into the weeds describing what it is about.

Click here for previous Curtain Call.

Oh, I wanted to include a photo of how crazy the lobby was after the show. We wanted to get something but the merch wasn't all that interesting.

The Review: Imaginary (2024)

Imaginary 1/10

Me and my lady watched a lot of movies over the last few days and I am trying not to let them start piling up so I am gonna start with the first one we checked out called Imaginary. This movie was terrible ass. It is funny how the worst a movie is the longer I know I am gonna be ranting about it but I will try not to be too long with this one. This children's book author/artist named Jessica is having this crazy ass dream where a man-spider is chasing her all around a house. She wakes scared as shit and her husband, Max, kinda jokes with her about it. This was not a dream I could ever imagine joking about. They are waiting for home renovations to be done at her childhood home. She decides they should just move on in now which is a terrible ass idea. There is also Alice and Taylor, Max's children from his last marriage. Alice is little and precocious as fuck while Taylor is a teenager meaning she is annoying as all fuck. Source: I work in a high school. Everything she says to Jessica is a slapable offense.

The Review: War Machine

War Machine 8/10

This is another movie me and my lady checked out for whatever reason. It turned out to be pretty damned good. This about a guy know only as 81. He and his brother are soldiers. His brother says they should try to be rangers and 81 reluctantly agrees. Moments later explosions rock the convoy and his brother is hit while 81 suffers a wound to his leg. He carries his brother back to a base about ten miles away and collapses looking into his dead brothers eyes. In present day he is trying out with a bunch of others to be a ranger. They say he has failed a few times but here he is still trying.

The Review: Mercy

Mercy 7/10

Last week L and I watched this movie not thinking much of it. I had seen the trailer and it was a hard pass for me. So we started watching and this cop named Chris Raven wakes up looking all kinds of drunk and attached to a chair. This AI computer court system and judge named Judge Maddox lets him know that he is charged with his wife's murder and has ninety minutes to prove his innocence before he is killed. He has to use phone calls, chat, emails, video, and people he knows to do this. He gets pissed naturally and says he is innocent. They have doorbell video of him angrily bursting into his house and his wife screaming. He leaves and she is found stabbed to death. The rest of the movie is very fast paced movie showing him calling his AA sponsor, his daughter, and cops to help him prove his innocence. This felt like a cool 90's movie. It proved once again that when I watch a who done it I will just be blaming everyone but the right person. I was kinda close in this one though.

Chris Pratt as Det. Christopher "Chris" Raven

Rebecca Ferguson as Judge Maddox

Kali Reis as Jacqueline "Jaq" Diallo

Annabelle Wallis as Nicole Raven

Chris Sullivan as Robert "Rob" Nelson

Kylie Rogers as Britt Raven

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: The Beauty

The Beauty 2/10

Me and L started watching this series. She is (maybe was) a fan of American Horror Story while I watched a few seasons of it. I watched the later ones with her and while there would be good premises they managed to never stick the landing. Making more questions than answers. Not fulfilling story lines in a way that satisfied. That is the definition of The Beauty. For whatever reasons she believed this was a limited series while I assumed there would be a single season because the story is not enough to go past a season of television. We were both wrong and now threatened with another season that I for sure will not be watching. If I had written this episode by episode like I do some series you would have been able to witness my disappointment in this series week by week. But I didn't so you are gonna get a half-assed explanation for this show. I will attempt to keep this somewhat linear though the show doesn't. This model is on the runway when she veers off and starts kicking folks asses and downing water. She steals a motorcycle and crashes the shit but isn't hurt. She starts killing people in a restaurant and then she explodes. Pretty exciting start.

Curtain Call: Gem Of The Ocean

Gem Of The Ocean 8/10

Last night me, my lady L, and Cam went to see Gem Of The Ocean at the Long Beach Playhouse. None of us had been there before and we've been trying to see all the August Wilson shows. I have seen four now and each of them have seen others but we hadn't seen this one. In writing about this I am also going to talk about the theater itself because this was our first visit and I have to. We got to the theater which wasn't too hard to find and they had plenty of parking for free which was awesome. No going through tunnels or having to find a meter a mile away. Just straight up parking right there. The bathrooms are in the lobby and if you are waiting in line you will block one of the theater entrances and the door stays open. The ladies experienced this but I did not cause I went before we got there. Inside the theater it is small but not as small as The Fountain Theater where L and I saw Freight and she got lost in Lil Murda's eyes. I'll include a picture of the setup.

The Review: Dead of Winter

Dead Of Winter 7/10

I don't even recall why or how me and my lady started watching this movie on HBO. It started off slow but when it got going it got going hard. Then we forgot about it with half an hour left and finished it weeks later. That happens sometimes when between the two of us we watch a lot of TV and such. This movie is about this lady named Barb (find that out way later) that is heading out to this old fishing hole that she and her late husband used to go to and had their first date. She is driving and the weather is ass and she spots a place to ask for some help. She sees a guy and notices that there is blood on the ground after asking for directions. When she leaves and finds the fishing hole she sees this young girl with her hands tied trying to get away from the dude. He snatches her and leaves.