The Review: Spider-Man Into The Spider Verse

Spider-Man Into The Spider Verse 9/10

There will be spoilers. Yesterday I watched Spider-Man: Into The Spider Verse with B&H. This was a damn good movie. I know I am super late to the game with that opinion but I am also glad that I waited because there was so much hype regarding this. I regret not seeing this in theaters except for one scene where I would have embarrassed myself laughing at one scene where Miles has hair and pigeons stuck to his hands while he walks across windows with his shirt pulled over his head. I could not stop laughing at that scene and it is one of the hardest I have laughed at a movie in years.

Sitting In The Aisle: Us

Us 9/10

This will be full of spoilers! Stop reading movies reviews if you are worried about them in the first place. If you are seeing this movie expecting another Get Out then you should either see something else or realize that people can make more than one type of movie. I am still letting this movie sink in because there was a lot to take in. I am gonna have to see this one more time just as I did with Get Out because Jordan Peele layered the fuck out of this. Even as I am reading about things I missed I am glad that I picked up on as much as I did. This starts off in 1986 with a young girl Adelaide is with her parents in Santa Cruz on the boardwalk. Her father is drinking and wandering around not paying attention to her and her mom continues to tell him to get his shit together. Adelaide ends up wandering away and ends up in this house of mirrors where she finds another version of herself.

Attack The Crock: Captain Marvel

“I don't want to hear what a white man has to say about 'A Wrinkle in Time.' I want to hear what a woman of color, a biracial woman has to say about the film. I want to hear what teenagers think about the film...if you make a movie that is a love letter to women of color, there is a chance that a woman of color does not have access to review and critique your film...do not say the talent is not there, because it is.” - Brie Larson

The first lady Captain Marvel was a Black woman. Imagine a woman of color in that role in a multi million dollar Marvel movie. Did Brie Larson take a potential job from a woman of color? I don't know much about Captain Marvel. But I know some things. I know that it was a dude at one point and then became a woman that everyone knows and a few people love. It is the same Captain Marvel that appears in the latest film starring Brie Larson. Now, if I knew all the shit that Larson was saying before the movie came out I likely would have waited until I could rent it or some shit. But I did not so I went into it excited as all hell to see the latest in this series of films. I'm not one of those people that went and saw Black Panther with no knowledge of the character or just because I am Black. I have seen every single Marvel film that has come out. Some a shocking amount of times. The first trailer for Captain Marvel did not do much for me but the second one got me hype. Either way I was gonna see it. So...yeah. I saw it. The theater was dead quiet the entire time and I left before the credits were done which is something I don't do even during shitty films. But this movie made me feel different.

The Review: Dead Body

Dead Body 4/10

Full of spoilers. The other day I watched this movie on Shudder called Dead Body with B&H and Beastman. This movie...it is hard to call it bad because the ending works so well. Not the actual ending but a part near the end. This movie is about a group of people meeting up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to celebrate before heading off to college. Never mind the fact that almost everyone looks like they are in their 30's. I can't remember the names so I will call people what they were. Stuffy Guy invited two Japanese students over and Stupid Girl. Japanese Boy and Japanese Girl are there for jokes so don't mind them too much. Stupid Girl invites Thug Man, Emo Girl, Crush Boy, Small Dude, and Stoner Dude. Already that is five people who should not have been here invited by Stupid Girl. Crush Boy likes Stupid Girl but she is into Thug Man so that kills his romance and chance to bone down for the weekend.

The Review: Kung Fu Hustle

Kung Fu Hustle 9/10

Yesterday I watched Kung Fu Hustle. I have watched this before, like, years ago but saw that it was on Netflix and started watching it again. This movie is fucking good. Even though the effects are shaky as hell at times it doesn't matter because it fits the way the rest of the movie looks and is styled. After watching this I may have to add this to my list of favorite movies. The fact that someone can direct, co-write, and star in a movie but not be all over the screen at all times and be able to flesh out a lot of other characters is really cool. Yeah, there are a few fight scenes that were directed by other people, but shut up. This is one of those movies where if someone said that they hated fight movies, comedies, or movies with subtitles I would show them this and if they said that it was not good I wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore. As Bill Murray said he described the movie calling it “the supreme achievement of the modern age in terms of comedy” and “There should have been a day of mourning for American comedy the day that movie came out.”

The Review: The Conjuring

The Conjuring Much Spoopy!/10

This week I finished up watching The Conjuring with B&H. My best friend has seen all of these movies and this is the first I've seen. I don't watch many scary films so I tend to talk way too much during them because I think as soon as the doors slam shut with no warning in the middle of the night it is time to move. But not this family! This couple and their five daughters move into this house. The dog is like “Fuck every inch of that house!” and won't even enter it. The owners are like “Whatevs...” and go about unpacking in this house they have not even fully explored. This house has secret rooms that have secret rooms. Everything that can happen in a haunting ends up happening to this family. The dog ends up dead. Birds dropping from the sky. Ghosts yanking legs. Ghosts making rooms smell like old meat. Musical boxes. Clapping! Just everything.

The Review: The Forbidden Dance

The Forbidden Dance The Hell?!/10

Today I watched this movie called The Forbidden Dance with B&H. No, not Lambada. That is another movie about sexy dancing that came out at the same time and actually sued this one for using the same title. This movie is insane. Let me just point that out. If I told you the plot of this just after you woke up you would think that you were having a fever dream. It is said that this script was written in ten days which I do not believe. I think it was written in four. A princess from a Brazilian rainforest heads to America with her bodyguard/shaman to stop an evil corporation from knocking down the shit and ends up as a maid, a dancer and possible prostitute at a brothel, and falling in love. That happens in the FIRST day! This woman had the worst luck of any human to ever exist. Let me backup a bit.

Sitting In The Aisle: Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel 4/10

This will have spoilers. This movie did not bring me joy. Today I headed out to see the new Captain Marvel movie starring Brie Larson. I wasn't super excited until the second trailer which bit me in the ass because it shows way too much. This takes place in 1995 so if you were not into the music at that time you are gonna be annoyed. I did not like any of the songs played in this even when they were brand new and thought about how there were better songs at the time but not as popular. They were also used at shitty times. This huge battle is happening and Just A Girl by No Doubt plays. That is not a fight song in any year. As for the visuals they were shaky a lot of the times. The effects just did not look all that good which is weird considering how good they have gotten. Some of them looked straight up like something out of a Netflix series. As for the story, it had no flavor. This movie was over two hours but could have been done as part of another movie. It felt long and not just because there was legit a half hour of trailers. Thanks, AMC. I shit you not. Half an hour of trailers. 

The Review: Death Wish (2018)

Death Wish 2/10

Full of spoilers. I just watched Death Wish aka Social Commentary The Movie on Amazon. This...was not good. I have watched the original films and wondered how they would begin to handle this in a modern world. In the previous film there is so much shit Charles Bronson was able to get away with because there were only like three cameras in the country. Everything else was filmed in potatoes. In this movie instead of being this liberal, never shot a gun, architect we have Bruce Willis as a tough guy surgeon. One night after he gets called to work these three guys break in and murder his wife and almost kill his daughter. The valet took a photo of their address from their car navigation so that's another thing the world needs to worry about. In the original (YES I WILL KEEP BRINGING IT UP!) his wife gets raped and murdered his daughter gets raped and mentally leaves the planet before killing herself. In this one the daughter is in a coma and her dad Paul Kersey is looking for revenge.

Steel Punch 5: Brokenhearted City Soundtrack

I have finally completed the last installment of the Steel Punch series titled Steel Punch 5: Brokenhearted City. I have made these as a sort of love letter to fighting games like Streets Of Rage 2. I made the first Steel Punch soundtrack and had no intentions of making another. Then I made Steel Punch 2: Gideon's Revenge and that was fun. Then I made Steel Punch 3: Ladies Night and had that as a all lady themed video game. At the end of that I added some child laughter and that made me think “What if these characters had kids?” and made Steel Punch 4: Waking Maria. I seriously thought I was finished. And then a couple of months ago I had the idea to have all the good guys from the previous games turn bad and made this new one, Steel Punch 5: Brokenhearted City.

I have made hundreds of songs using Looperman and will be sending links to the people whose music I have used to create this stuff. For whatever reason these never load in order so click here to see the track listings. This soundtrack contains 16 tracks. I removed bonus levels from this to smooth things out and even made some songs shorter than usual. This was fun and thanks for checking this out. I had a lot of fun making this.

The Review: Summer Of 84

Summer Of 84 (6/10)

Full of spoilers! A few days ago I watched this movie with B&H called Summer of 84. In it these four friends investigate a series of kidnappings nearby and one of them, Davey, begins to think that a policeman neighbor named Wayne Mackey is the guy doing it. Davey's dad is a photojournalist and one of the most aggravating parts of this movie. Him and flashlights. I have no idea how many times I said Turn off your day flashlights!” Obviously, this takes place in 1984 so there are going to be comparisons to Stranger Things and have references to shit that was going on during that time. Davey is all about conspiracy theories and is rather plain. His character is just a kid who is only as interesting as who he is around. Woody is the big kid that has a mother that is working herself to death. Tommy is the punk kid whose parents aren't worth shit. And finally there is Curtis who wears glasses. There wasn't too much different really about any o these kids other than how they were dressed. As someone who grew up in the 80's I never in my life met kids like these. They have no real chemistry because they don't seem like they would really hang out with each other. When you are with your friends you are not always talking shit about each other and your mothers. I was also not as horned up as these guys.