Dante Watches The Brood (1979)

The Brood 7/10

I watched this crazy ass movie called The Brood. This dude is married to this lady staying at an institute and all of a sudden these goblin children start killing folks and nothing makes any sense but I enjoyed it.

Oliver Reed as Dr. Hal Raglan

Samantha Eggar as Nola Carveth

Art Hindle as Frank Carveth

Nuala Fitzgerald as Juliana Kelly

Cindy Hinds as Candice Carveth

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Dante Watches The Doberman Gang

The Doberman Gang 2/10

I have heard of this movie, The Doberman Gang, since I was little and was talking about it to CK when I discovered it was on YouTube. It was bad. Not gonna lie to you at all. This movie was terrible. But people laugh at me complaining so hear ya go!

Byron Mabe as Eddie Newton

Hal Reed as Barney Greer

Julie Parrish as June

Simmy Bow as Sammy

JoJo D'Amore as Jojo

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The Review: Final Girl

Final Girl 2/10

I randomly watched this movie Final Girl on Amazon tonight. It wasn't good. Well, it started off good. I was intrigued with where it could go but was thankful that the description on Amazon gave away a lot of the plot otherwise I would have given this an even lower score. This little girl in interviewed by this dude after her parents died. He has her solve a puzzle and asks her about death. He likes her answers. He brings her in to his...company? Operation? I don't know. His wife was killed. He angry. He trains her to be a ruthless killer. She tries to get freaky with him. He shuts that shit down. I was happy about that. He assigns her to kill these dudes that hunt girls for fun.

The Review: Charlie's Angels (2019)

Charlie's Angels 1/10

This was supposed to be a review but I ended up rambling. There were a lot of shit reboots last year. Terminator Dark Fate, Hellboy, Men In Black International all stank. This movie, Charlie's Angels, was ass. Why did I watch this? I was ironing. I didn't want to watch something I thought would be good so I put this on. If anything it would be cheesy and funny and I could at least be entertained by that. This movie was not cheesy nor funny. I have seen maybe two episodes of the original series. I saw all of the early 2000's movies and they were funny. There was a series I forgot existed until I saw that it did and lasted about four episodes before getting canceled. Now there is this. No one asked for this.

One of the Angels. “I think women can do anything.”

Dumb dude. “Wow. Just because they can doesn't mean they should, right?”

Dante Watches Weekend Of Terror

Weekend Of Terror 4/10

These nuns end up getting kidnapped by the worst kidnappers ever who plan on switching one of them with a woman they accidentally let die and madness ensues. This movie was insane. So many chances to escape that weren't taken advantage of!

Robert Conrad as Eddie

Carol Lynley as Sister Meredith

Lois Nettleton as Sister Ellen

Jane Wyatt as Sister Frances

Lee Majors as Larry

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The Review: Guns Akimbo

Guns Akimbo 5/10

I saw that this crazy ass movie Guns Akimbo was on Amazon today and checked it out. I saw the trailer last year and was like “What the fuck is this?!” It looked fun. And it is. This is a ninety minute action scene. There is this dude named Riktor that runs a program called Skizm. People are “recruited” and fight to the death. He current champion is this insane ass woman named Nix. Miles is a game programmer/vegan/pacifist who has fun finding trolls and just fighting with them online. One day while on Skizm and talking shit they find his IP and his address. They show up, knock him out, and he wakes up with a gun nailed and drilled into his hands. He is told he has to compete and go up against Nix. This was a fun movie but it got exhausting after about halfway through. It looked great. Visually this was like a really cool music video. Had cool music. And I liked most of the characters. But I would have liked to see the characters a bit more developed. Felt like a more violent version of Nerve. Nothing much else to say. Lots of shooting and hardcore killings.

Daniel Radcliffe as Miles Lee Harris

Samara Weaving as Nix

Natasha Liu Bordizzo as Nova

Ned Dennehy as Riktor

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The Review: The Old Guard

The Old Guard 5/10

Full of spoilers. I just watched this movie called The Old Guard that I didn't know was coming out or even existed until earlier today. I watched the trailer for it and actually wish I hadn't and just went in completely unaware of any immortality stuff. I watched the trailer again and said “Wow. They really show the whole movie.” This is about a team of mercenaries that can not die. Or can they? They can. But it is unexpected and can happen at any time. After one gig where they had been set up, killed, came back to life, and found a camera the leader Andy decides that she doesn't want to do it anymore. Meanwhile a Marine named Nile gets killed in Afghanistan and freaks out her fellow soldiers when she heals from a knife to the neck wound that had killed her. She is freaked out too. The mercenary team feels her die and Andy is like “Shit. Why a new one now?” Andy goes off to find Nile after the team put pieces of what they saw together.

Dante Watches Rabid (1977)

Rabid 5/10

This movie was weird as hell. Rabid is about this couple that get into an accident and the lady gets some skin grafts that have unexpected results. And by unexpected I mean she gains the ability to turn people into rabid zombies. This movie was weird as hell and had some gross parts. It was less than an hour and a half but could have honestly been an hour long.

Marilyn Chambers as Rose

Frank Moore as Hart Read

Joe Silver as Murray Cypher

Howard Ryshpan as Dan Keloid

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Dante Watches The Children

The Children 6/10

I watched this crazy ass movie called The Children after it was suggested by Vintage Video Podcast. This is about a bunch of spooky ass kids that get turned into monsters after going through a green nuclear cloud and they turn people into lunch meat.

Martin Shakar as John Freemont

Gil Rogers as Sheriff Billy Hart

Gale Garnett as Cathy Freemont

Shannon Bolin as Molly

Tracy Griswold as Deputy Harry Timmons

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