The Review: The Players Club

The Players Club 8/10

So L. had me watch this crazy ass movie. I had heard of it and knew Ice Cube made a song for it. I didn't know he was also in the movie and directed it. This movie is fucking crazy. It starts off with this girl named Diana/Diamond standing in front of a burnt ass strip club which did nothing but make me accuse different people of starting the fire until the end of the movie. She wants to go to a certain college and her father disagrees so she leaves. Her mom tries to stop her and by stop her I mean she stops at the porch and begs her not to go. Trifflin' ass mothers. One day at the shoe store she's working at these ladies named Ronnie and Tricks tell her she could make some money stripping. By the way, I would not be going to any club these women worked at. I am too used to the quality of women from P-Valley and would immediately know these women were up to no good. Strike one.

The Review: X-Men 97

X-Men 97 (9/10)

After the death of Professor Charles Xavier Cyclops is now leading the X-Men. Well. In the first episode Cyclops was cooler than he ever was on the old cartoon. It took Charles death for the government to sanction the team for battles. They save this kid, Roberto da Costa, from this mutant haters (Friends of Humanity). Seriously. Cyclops fucking power slides across the ground! I can't get over that shit. These people are using Sentinel tech so the team is like “The fuck they get that from?!” They are looking for Trask but have to get to Gyrich first. These are a bunch of names I have not heard in years by the way. He wont talk so Jean Grey is like “Lemme see somethin'” and gets in his mind box. She sees a bunch of honked up stuff but they are able to find Trask who has an assload of Sentinels and a Master Mold. Cyclops and Jean let the team know that they plan on leaving because Jean is pregnant. Magneto shows up and is like “Guess what? Charles left me in charge!”

The Review: Grease

Grease 7/10

Last week L. had me watch this movie after being shocked I'd not seen it. As far as I knew this movie had a couple of songs in it and was about street racing. There are a lot of songs and dancing and one single damned street race. This takes place in the late 1950's and begins with this dude named Danny and a girl named Sandy being goofy at the beach building sand castles and having a great time. She is from Australia and leaving when summer is over and they decide to just enjoy one another. School starts and Danny is running with his T-Bird gang. Not sure how gangy they really are. There is Danny, one other normal seeming guy, and three dweebs. I would not be afraid of this crew even though they all appear to be adult men.

The Review: The Five Heartbeats

 

The Five Heartbeats 8/10

L. got me to watch Black movie that I had never seen. I have heard of this movie and seen random references to it but never had a strong desire to check this out. Turns out I really enjoyed it. This is about a former singing group called The Heartbeats. There is Duck, his older brother JT, Dresser, Choirboy, and Eddie King Jr. I mention his government name because this man is a problem. All of them are but in different ways. This starts off with Duck looking at a magazine cover asking whatever happened to various musicians from back in the day. We flashback to the group losing a talent show to a weird ass band. A manager named Jimmy shows up and says he will pay them $100 if they don't win the next show. They lose and he coughs up the cash and his wife is like “We are not going through this again.” Turns out he has been betrayed in the past in the music industry. They agree to let him manage them after the clubs owner wants them.

The Review: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent 8/10

I thoroughly enjoyed this weird ass movie whose title I will never remember. This was suggested when my Roku went into screen saver mode and I thought “I vaguely know about this” and recall seeing a gif from this online. You know the one.

The Review: The Marvels

The Marvel 0/10

This movie was ass. That's all you need to read because I am gonna ramble about how much I disliked this nonsense that had no need to be made. “Does anything really need to be made?” Shut up. No one likes you. So I watched Captain Marvel years ago and it was ass. I couldn't force myself to finish the Ms Marvel series. I really enjoyed Monica in WandaVision even though she was kneecapped from the start. I wrote a blog about how she was actually the first Captain Marvel (click here to read that). So this movie starts with Captain Marvel destroying a planets sun and bouncing. The villain of this who I won't bother mentioning by name because she was so terrible is looking for some bracelets that will give her the power to replenish her planet and be powerful. Its 2010 level Marvel villain shit and I hoped we were past that. When she uses the bracelet it starts messing with the different Marvel powers and each time they use them they switch places. Sometimes. Not all the time. This movie is inconsistent with this and the fighting skills of all three ladies.