The Review: The Watchers

 

The Watchers 7/10

L watched this movie a few days ago and saw how badly it was getting reviewed. I knew who it was directed by and felt no way about it and we watched it this weekend. Starts with this guy running through the woods and being chased by something you can't see but can hear. He passes a sign and somehow passes the same one again before climbing a tree to escape this growling. He ends up falling out of the tree and is yanked away by a creature of some kind. We meet a girl named Mina who is a miserable ass woman. She works in a pet shop in Ireland and is asked to drop a bird off which will take about a day to reach.

We find out that her mother died 15 years prior and she is not in touch with her sister. She dresses up as a different person to meet people at bars. She just seems unhappy. The bird she has is not supposed to be able to talk but it does and repeats when she says “try not to die.” She is driving along for a while and her car dies in the middle of the woods. She starts walking and thinks she sees a little girl and then sees a woman and starts following her. The woman tells her she has a few seconds to get inside this weird ass cabin and then locks all the doors, face the mirror, and just stand there. I would have been killed immediately cause I would've been like “No. This is some weird sex shit I want no part of!” Just a bunch of chubby dudes behind the mirror jerking it to me.

The lady is named Madeline. She says that there are rules to this place. These Watchers will kill anyone in the woods that are out at night. You can't go near these holes or “Burrows.” There is also Ciara and Daniel. Ciara seems goofy and Daniel seems off his meds. The next day Ciara shows Mina around and says her husband (the dude at the start) will come back. Nah. Well, at least not in the way she expects. Daniel says he has been there about five months and Ciara a few. One day Mina decides to crawl into one of the holes and it is full of random things like cameras, newspapers, and a bike. She takes the camera and bike and head back. Madeline is like “The fuck you find this?” and Mina is like “Hmm...around?” They set up the camera and see Ciara's husband legs on screen yelling to be let inside. Ciara is like “Okay!” but Madeline stops her. She asks him to tell her what book she is reading and he can't. He is then snatched away. Madeline says a Watcher can copy people. This shit just not fair.

The Watchers know their stuff has been stolen and they start pounding on the glass and end up cracking it. The next day Madeline takes everything that was stolen back to the Burrow. Its getting cold now and everyone is losing their shit. Daniel locks Madeline and Mina outside and they hide in a rotting tree to cover their scent before racing back to the door where Mina reveals her story. She was being a little shit in the backseat of the car and caused a crash that killed her mother and hurt her sister. The Watchers start pounding on the doors and the group finds a secret door which contains an assload of food and a computer with files explaining who built this place and why.

I won't say what happens at the end of this but I was satisfied with how things turned out. This felt like a long pilot episode for a new series. It dragged at certain times (I get it there are lots of trees) and Ciara and Daniel didn't have enough of a story of development for me to really care about them. There were maybe three endings to this when it could have stopped well before but they were still somehow needed. Hard to explain. I read reviews where people are shitting on this and you can tell its because of who the directors father is. If her name were not attached to this people would be saying different things. I have watched thousands of movies and would not rate this as low as some are. Its not scary but suspenseful. Acting is fine but could have been written better and filled some of the long run time with backstory for some of the other characters.

Dakota Fanning as Mina/Lucy

Georgina Campbell as Ciara

Olwen Fouéré as Madeline

Oliver Finnegan as Daniel

Alistair Brammer as John

John Lynch as Kilmartin

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