Tuesday, August 20, 2024

The Review: The Mummy (2017)



The Mummy 1/10


This movie deserved all the shit people said about it. L made me watch this after I left the channel on Pluto. What is it about? Team looking for buried treasures and find a huge tomb filled with mercury. Should have run out of the place at that point. Dude starts having visions of this hot woman who is in the tomb. They grab her sarcophagus and hop on a plane. Next thing you know his friend is possessed and he has to shoot him. Then the plane is attacked by crows which I didn't know was am Egyptian thing. Plane goes down and he survives after pushing the lady out with a parachute and he wakes up in a morgue unharmed. The rest of the movie is him taking too long to explain his visions, his now dead friend coming to him like a bootleg American Werewolf In London style, and getting captured by Dr Jekyll before racing desert storms after bringing his friend back to life because he is now a god of life and death. Yeah.



This was when Universal planned all these monster films with huge actors who wouldn't touch them after how badly this movie was received. There is no funny in this. The action and damage done is inconsistent. Fights last way too long. It's just a not fun movie. We couldn't even fully understand the mummy's intentions. Like, when a villain wants to just control or enslave the world I think that is just boring and wack. Wanna turn everyone into crunchy zombies? Boring. The mummy lady can already raise the dead, control animals, super strong, and infiltrate minds. What the fuck more do you need?! It cost 195 million and pulled in 410 million but still somehow list 100 million due to production costs. Don't waste your time on this assfest.


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