When
The Bough Breaks 2/10
If
this was a comedy I would have rated this a 10/10 because I laughed
my ass off so many times while watching this. When The Bough Breaks
is like those 80's and early 90's films tat stopped being made
because there was nothing left to say. Basic story of a crazy ass
woman attacking a couple because she wants in. When I say this movie
hit every note in a cheesy ass supposedly thriller I mean that hit
every note and even the ones you didn't know were there. This will
have spoilers and if that upsets you chances are you planned on
seeing this shit show and you should be happy I'm saving you money.
Morris
Chestnut and Regina Hall are a married couple named John and Laura.
They can't have kids so they decide to use a surrogate. They end up
finding this girl named Anna played by Jaz Sinclair. I shit you not I
thought she had mental issues when she first showed up. Automatically
they should have been like “Uh...no. Thank you for your time.”
But no! Laura is all about it so she goes ahead and starts planning
this shit without her husband and he is along for the ride. They have
dinner with Anna and her asshole boyfriend who is in the military and
he is throwing off all kind of bad vibes. Still...they continue with
the plan.
The
next night or so boyfriend kicks Anna's ass and she is invited to
love with John and Laura. They tell her to stop working, here's a
place to stay with us, and a car because fuck it we rich. Everything
seems as normal as one would expect from this desperate ass couple
and this weird ass chick until she starts making moves on the
husband. Of course he says nothing to his wife. Even when Anna starts
dressing all sexy and sending videos to him at work stripping with
baby written on her stomach. That shit ain't sexy! Still he says
nothing to his wife. Eventually he gets tired of Anna's shit and she
flips the script and causes a scene saying that John don't like Laura
and he is in love with Anna. Laura believes it immediately! I was
like “These girls ain't loyal, man.” John's job finds the videos
of Anna stripping and it costs him an account. So good times for
everyone.
Anna
is still with her boyfriend and he is trying to get her to get more
money from the couple. She ends up flipping on his ass and stabbing
the shit out of him and shoving him down some stairs Itchy &
Scratchy style so he dead. John has someone do some research and
finds out that Anna's name ain't Anna. He finds out she killed her
adoptive parents. She has a criminal history. And still...nothing to
his wife. At this point I don't think he is responsible enough to
have a kid. Anna is holding the pregnancy hostage and wife is afraid
she may kill the baby so she tells John to pretend he is leaving her
and to be with Anna. Da fug?! And he does it! Anna is all happy until
she finds out its a trick to get her to have the baby. By the way, no
police are involved in this nonsense fest.
Anna
ends up attacking Laura and in the middle of it her water breaks.
This is where the movie should have ended. With her giving birth to
the baby, being handcuffed immediately, and everyone lives well and
never speaks of this ever again. But no. She has the baby and bolts
out the hospital. For anyone that thinks this sounds impossible you
don't know about how I was born. They track her down and she ends up
kicking John's ass until he fights back and escapes with the baby.
They load it in the car and when they turn on the headlights there is
Batman! I mean Anna. She has a goddamn shotgun too! She fires and no
one is hit. Laura then runs her over, killing her crazy ass,
so...yay?
This
movie was fucking ridiculous. Its something I would watch again with
someone just to crack up laughing. I gave it a 2 because I laughed so
much when I shouldn't have. The husband led this dumb ass girl on at
times and couldn't just say “Bitch, my wife is in the next room!”
The crazy girl was just crazy. The wife was oblivious to everything
and ended up being a murderer in the end. This movie was a waste of
time for everyone involved. And I will watch it again.
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