Monday, September 5, 2016

Stop it: Lena Dunham

When I first heard about this Lena Dunham story I told myself to wait a little bit because I knew that an apology would be coming up soon. For those that do not know who Dunham is she is a woman that I only pay attention to when her name is trending for some silly shit or when someone asks if I watched her series. This current situation involved New York Giants player Odell Beckham Jr. and a not interaction she had with him at the Met Ball. Here is what she recklessly posted.

"I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards. He was like, 'That's a marshmallow. That's a child. That's a dog.' It wasn't mean - he just seemed confused. The vibe was very much like, 'Do I want to fuck it? Is it wearing a...yep, it's wearing a tuxedo. I'm going to go back to my cell phone.' It was like we were forced to be together, and he literally was scrolling Instagram rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie. I was like, 'This should be called the Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes.'"

Where do I even begin? That entire statement of hers sounds like the perfect recipe for making yourself feel like a victim and someone else look like a total asshole at the same time. She was able to make all of those assumptions about his taste in women and deemed herself not to his standards. I can say from gossip and rumors that he has been mentioned in the same sentence as Amber Rose, Zendaya, and Khloe Kardashian. She goes from thinking he thinks she looks like a child, a dog, asking himself if he wants to fuck "it", and then ignoring her.

Boom. Boom. Pow.

A few years back you could've called her an attention whore and moved on. But now when you say that all people read is "whore" and then it becomes a whole 'nother issue on the promiscuity of women and their empowerment and how they can sleep with as many men as they want and blah blah blah. She's an attention whore. Her comments about OBJ were either meant to be malicious or to get people to gather around her with hugs and pillows and tell her how beautiful she really is and who she does not need the validation of this athlete to feel beautiful about herself.

People lit her ass up online and she eventually issued an apology. She still manages to keep the pity party going while also mentioning Black issues. Its quite amazing. But you now what? Saying sorry does not make things better. I personally hate hearing it from people because it means that they did something fucked up to me. It has never made me feel better to know that someone, genuine or not, feels bad about something they did to me. Anyhoot, here is what she wrote.

"I owe Odell Beckham Jr an apology. Despite my moments of bravado, I struggle at industry events (and in life) with the sense that I don't rep a certain standard of beauty and so when I show up to the Met Ball surrounded by models and swan-like actresses it's hard not to feel like a sack of flaming garbage. This felt especially intense with a handsome athlete as my dinner companion and a bunch of women I was sure he'd rather be seated with. But I went ahead and projected these insecurities and made totally narcissistic assumptions about what he was thinking, then presented those assumptions as facts. I feel terrible about it. Because after listening to lots of valid criticism, I see how unfair it is to ascribe misogynistic thoughts to someone I don't know AT ALL. Like, we have never met, I have no idea the kind of day he's having or what his truth is. But most importantly, I would never intentionally contribute to a long and often violent history of the over-sexualization of black male bodies—as well as false accusations by white women towards black men. I'm so sorry, particularly to OBJ, who has every right to be on his cell phone. The fact is, I don't know (I don't know a lot of things) and I shouldn't have acted like I did. Much love and thanks, Lena."

I don't even have to imagine what would have happened if a guy posted the stuff she said regarding OBJ and the shit storm that would have ensued. There are plenty of women that do not look like this imaginary woman that women are chasing to look like. But to pick someone that you know only in name and are sitting across from and projecting all this shit on is so not the business. We all have someone that we see from a distance or even someone close that we have fallen for and they don't want us (I've personally experienced this many times) but I won't go online as a celebrity and vomit it out for hundreds of thousands of people to read as if it were an actual incident that took place. You know people don't like reading shit and understanding it. Hell, most people haven't even made it this far in this blog post.

The funniest part of all of this is if he got sent this apology and just went "Who is this? When did this happen? Do I need a lawyer?!" We can easily blow shit out of proportion in our heads but it is up to us, not just as adults but as humans, to be able to distinguish reality from fantasy or at the very least know when to shut the fuck up or keep our thoughts to ourselves.

Another fucked up aspect of all of this is that Beckham can't say anything about this. Nothing except "I accept her apology." He can not say that he didn't notice her. He can not say that he would never date some that looked like her. If he says anything other than what the public would want to hear the shit she has gotten would pale in comparison. Suddenly instead of a guy caught in her crazy cross hairs he would be an entitled, wealthy athlete. Yeah, he's Black and we are being beaten and killed like there are cash prizes for it but there is a victim pecking order and no matter what woman trumps any of it.

No one will accept a Black man talking that shit about a woman let alone a White woman publicly. He is painted into a corner where his only option is silence and it sucks because he is going to be questioned about this and he will have to just pretend he lost his hearing. There is a small part of me that wants him to go off on her and it is a feeling that a lot of Black people have. That "I wish a muthafucka would..." that is built into all of us. But I don't think he should. That is why he is successful. He doesn't think like me. 

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