A Concert Rant

Last night Cam and I went to see Florence + The Machine with Kamasi Washington as the opening act at The Hollywood Bowl. Great show. I'd seen Florence once before and she was great and Kamasi has made a new fan out of me. Both groups were full of all kinds of energy, gave 100%, and entertained the hell out of me. What made the night not as fun were the fan at the show. Yeah. I know it sounds weird but let me explain my problem with fans of some musicians and why there are some shows I actively do not attend because I know what their fans are like.

By far the worst fans I've experienced are the ones of Meshell Ndegeocello. Loud, obnoxious, and super inconsiderate of people around them and even the artist herself. Example. She explained that she suffers from photophobia. No, its not a fear of lights. It is sensitivity to them (and also why Bono wears shades all the time). So while she was saying this guess what happened? “We love you Meshell!” followed by cameras flashing in her face. Plus all the screaming during silent parts to get attention. Basically, the way most fans act at shows is never acceptable to me in any setting.

At the show last night (probably two nights ago based on how slow I am typing from lack of proper sleep for four months) it was not completely full when Kamasi performed and I loved it. At that point the only annoying thing was a girl that could not stay off her phone and a father who was addicted to stealing seat cushions. Yes, someone brought them. You saw her. Yeah, she'll be back. Yes, I am trying to enjoy this awesome performance! Cam arrived during the second show and I felt better because I was no longer worried she would miss this opening act because it was cool as fuck.

During the intermission she caught me up on her job and we were chatting and as soon as there was a break in the conversation dude that loved stealing pillows started talking music with her. When they stopped we continued but he kept spinning to talk more and seeing we were still talking would turn back around and seconds later do it again. This is what is wrong when people do not spend time talking to other humans. This guy needs friends. We ain't them. So now it is time for Florence to perform. By now the place is packed and all the people that came for her start to arrive. I notice a theme in the crowd. These fans look different than when I saw her a few years back. More big girls. More gay dudes. More people bringing drinks. Then the weed clouds begin to appear.

So while this awesome show is going on this group of girls behind us, one of whom ends up spilling wine on Cam, is talking about her job. Not talking. Shouting. She is shouting about her job. At a concert. Then she starts talking about a better Florence show she saw years ago. At the start of the one she is currently at. I do not know how whoever she was with did not tell her to shut the fuck up and enjoy the show. And when she dropped wine on a stranger her other option was not catching her phone. Then the loud gay guy started in. “YAS! YAAAS! SING IT BITCH! BITCH! YAS!” This did not happen once. It was his go to line. Just calling this great performer a bitch at the top of his lungs. I know some people think its cute to do this or to call each other a bitch the way some Black dudes use n-bombs towards one another. Calling me a bitch or the n-word is a slappable offense in case you're wondering. So this guy does this the entire show and while he was enjoying the hell out of his own personal show he was fucking it up for me.

There needs to be a list of rules and questions people ask themselves before concerts or outdoor events in general because folks act like they have zero home training. So I have decided to make a list for jackasses to follow. If you do any of these things please never go anywhere with me.

Drink Responsibly

Shouldn't have to still have to say this but I do because people do not. People for some reason can not go to a concert and not get hammered. I'm not talking about having a beer or two to loosen up and have a good time. I'm not against people drinking. I'm against people drinking and acting like this is their first drink every time they go out and drink. I don't know why you'd want to got to an event and drink so much fermented fruit or wheat that you can not remember all the dumb shit you did. People around you that are not drinking or know how to control themselves are affected by your dumb ass behavior.

Stop Smoking Weed

Not in general but if you did I'd be cool with that. But I can not stand that people are smoking weed at concerts whether it is inside or not. I absolutely hate the smell of weed. I would prefer to smell almost any other form of smoke than marijuana smoke and when one person starts it is a call to arms for others to start doing it. “Oh, this is fine here? Awesome!” You can not depend on security at the Bowl to stop this by the way. I watched a guard watch a guy blowing smoke and he just walked over, said something, and when he left the guy smoked more as two other guards watched and laughed. Plus at an average build of 5'8” and 300lbs there is no way they are chasing you down.

Sit In Your Own Seat

I know that people show up to concerts late especially when they do not care about the opening act. That does not mean you get to lay down and take up the empty seats. Every show I go to has a situation where people think “Oh, guess they are not coming! Lets spread out our picnic on the bench!” Next thing you know the owners of these seats show up and its this drawn out asking to see tickets, the person whose food is covering the seats pretending to not understand what is happening, and everyone has to scoot down and readjust. The Bowl has bench seating so it creates this chain reaction of silliness. If its the last hour of the show maybe give yourself some leg room if the seats are empty. But just be ready to move your dumb ass.

I know these make me sound like an angry old man that wants to stop everyone from having fun. Nah. For me it is the needs and desires of the many outweighing the few. One shouter can affect hundreds. One person smoking can affect who knows how many. I'm not gonna go to a rap or reggae concert and get as upset about weed smoke because I know the threat and I'll likely just not go in the first place. I think it would be cool to have a smoking section in the back and drunk section in the middle and everyone that just wants to come enjoy a show sit closer to the stage. Sounds great to me.