The Review: Five On The Black Hand Side

Five On The Black Hand Side 6/10

Last week L and I watched this movie randomly. I had vaguely heard of it but knew the phrase the title is based off of. Knew nothing about the story or anything but since it was made in 1973 I assumed I would see some titties. I was super wrong. This is the most anti-titty movie which is sad cause Miss Dubois is in this. So it starts off with this asshole husband bossing this lady around. I thought she was a maid but she had on sleepwear which I thought was odd. Turns out it is his wife who he never refers to by her name. This man has her entire day planned out for her before he heads to work. She just spends the first ten minutes of the movie looking like this.

The Review: Presence

 

Presence 8/10

Full of spoilers. L called and said she saw the first ten minutes of this on Hulu and thought I'd be interested. I was. This movie starts off with just a camera walking all around this house. Turns out that it is a ghost. The family arrives, Chris, Rebekah, and their teen children Tyler and Chloe. Whoever wrote this definitely hangs around or knows teens because they had their dialogue down. When they arrive Chloe seems to look right at the ghost who retreats to a closet. Chloe just walks around looking at the place and unknowingly being watched. They end up getting the house and while the workers are there one of them refuses to enter one of the rooms.

The Review: Novocaine

Novocaine 2/10

This movie was ass and a complete waste of the talented actors and actresses in it. This is about a guy named Nathan Caine that is an assistant bank manager that suffers from CIPA. This is when you can't feel pain. He lives his life very cautiously so much so that he sets a timer to go to the bathroom so his bladder doesn't burst because he can not feel he has to go. This is a real thing that exists in varying degrees and has been used in movies and books before. This co-worker named Sherry invites him to lunch and he works up the nerve to do it. She asks him to try some pie. He says he can't because he might bite his tongue off. He tries it. He doesn't bite his tongue off. He likes pie. He meets up for a art show with Sherry where he bumps into a guy from school who punches him back “just like old times.” Sherry pranks the guy and she and Nathan head to his place for the sex. She has cuts all over her stomach. Eeeeeverybody hurts...

Documentality: Hey Beautiful

Hey Beautiful 7/10

This week L and I watched this series on Hulu. Its in three parts and a pretty easy watch being less than an hour each. This follows three women in particular at the start that all fall for the same guy using different names. There is Annette (the thirsty one). Roxy (the old, married one). And Gaby (the German who don't learn lessons). They are totally being scammed and giving this guy between one thousand bucks to over a million. No, they have never met him. When we watch scam things online me and my lady always wonder where these people get all this money to throw away from. Like Annette who is a waitress gives like 40,000 dollars to this guy. Roxy sneaks and has this fake fling with the guy while being married for over 50 years and is bored with her husband. And Gaby who we still aren't sure if she is still married goes as far as selling her childhood home to give money to this dude.