Season 1: “What You Need” Steve Cochran as Fred Renard
You're looking at Mr. Fred Renard, who carries on his shoulder a chip the size of the national debt. This is a sour man, a friendless man, a lonely man, a grasping, compulsive, nervous man. This is a man who has lived thirty-six undistinguished, meaningless, pointless, failure-laden years and who at this moment looks for an escape—any escape, any way, anything, anybody—to get out of the rut. And this little old man is just what Mr. Renard is waiting for.
This guy got the worst description of a character by Serling! Yeesh. So this dude meets with this old man that can get you whatever you need. You don't know how the random thing he hands to you will help but it somehow does. He hands Fred a pair of scissors which he uses to cut himself free from choking on a scarf trapped in an elevator door. He finds the old man and starts harassing him for gift after gift after gift. The old man starts getting tired of his shit and gives him a pair of shoes. Fred is confused like “What do I need these for?” The old man is like “You don't need them but I do.” Fred walks out into traffic and gets hit by a car.
Now look. The old man was sweet and never even charged people for the things he gave them. They were just small items but could change, or save, your life. Fred was trash. He could tell that old man was getting tired of him. Hell, he even got a leaky pen that helped him win money at the horse races but couldn't leave well enough alone and it cost him his raggedy ass life.
Season 1: “The Fever” Everett Sloane as Franklin Gibbs
Mr. and Mrs. Franklin Gibbs, three days and two nights all expenses paid at a Las Vegas hotel, won by virtue of Mrs. Gibbs's knack with a phrase. But unbeknownst to either Mr. or Mrs. Gibbs is the fact that there's a prize in their package, neither expected nor bargained for. In just a moment, one of them will succumb to an illness worse than any virus can produce. A most inoperative, deadly life-shattering affliction known as the Fever.
Franklin is in a casino with his wife just walking around with permanent who farted face. He is upset that his wife is wasting money on slot machines when he pops one into a machine that was on the ground. Next thing you know he is fiending at this one. This man gets so riled up when he can't get some money out of it he screamed and knocks it to the ground. The staff have to remove him and while in his room he hears the machine calling him by name and it walks into the damn room. He literally lost his mind because of a old ass slot machine. Its not even one of those cool ones they have now where you can just sit in front of it with a drink and lanyard. His wife was so concerned for him after he belittled her for even playing one game and now look at him. In a loony bin.
This is one of those episodes I had not seen and watched with my lady and saw in pieces. During one of the many last marathons I watched the entire thing and was like “Oh, this guy is a dick!” He talked so much trash to his wife until he got a taste of what it was like to win a lot for nothing.
Season 2: “The Howling Man” H.M. Wynant as David Ellington
The prostrate form of Mr. David Ellington, scholar, seeker of truth and, regrettably, finder of truth. A man who will shortly arise from his exhaustion to confront a problem that has tormented mankind since the beginning of time. A man who knocked on a door seeking sanctuary and found, instead, the outer edges of The Twilight Zone.
David ends up stumbling into an old ass temple/church and turned away by this guy that looks like Moses. He says that David can not stay but David is like “I'm cold and sick and you religious so you gotta let me stay!” Then he hears some howling. The guy at the temple is like “I don't know what you talking about.” He is warned to stay away from the howling man. Now this room should have been super guarded but David ends up finding this dude locked in a room saying the priests are crazy and have captured him. David ends up letting him free and the howling man is the damn Devil! Later David is telling his story to a maid at his home saying he tracked down and caught the Devil and has him locked in a room. He tells the lady not to open the door no matter what. Ten seconds after he leaves she goes and opens the damn door!
This is a good episode but he and his maid piss me right off! David had to be a nosy ass and let this guy free. He could have just gathered himself, got healthy, and left. No. He had to let the Devil loose in the world again, catch him, and then put him in a room without 800 locks on the door. Was it the maids first day working? Surely she had heard the howling before if it wasn't. So now all this is gonna start all over again because folks don't know how to mind their damn business. If I hear someone howling I just roll my eyes because I hear it every few weeks in my own neighborhood and meth is involved. I'm sure as hell not gonna crack open any doors!
Season 2: “The Rip Van Winkle Caper” All of 'em!
Introducing four experts in the questionable art of crime: Mr. Farwell, expert on noxious gases, former professor, with a doctorate in both chemistry and physics; Mr. Erbie, expert in mechanical engineering; Mr. Brooks, expert in the use of firearms and other weaponry; and Mr. De Cruz, expert in demolition and various forms of destruction. The time is now, and the place is a mountain cave in Death Valley, U.S.A. In just a moment, these four men will utilize the services of a truck placed in cosmoline, loaded with a hot heist cooled off by a century of sleep, and then take a drive into The Twilight Zone.
So these idiots steal a bunch of gold and a scientist is like “I am gonna lock us all in these GLASS coffins in this cave for a hundred years. The gold will be worth more and we will be stank ass rich!” This nonsense works and they make it the whole time...except for one of them because a rock fell on his coffin and cracked it just leaving bones and a likely angry ghost. The three that are left will have more gold now. They go an uncover their truck (that somehow still works). One of them runs another over with the truck and then drives it off a cliff. Now there are just two of these fools left. A thief and the scientist.
They carry some gold and start walking in the hot ass desert. The scientist wants water so the thief charges him gold bricks for every sip of it. The scientist gets sick of this bullshit and bonks him with a gold brick killing him and carrying the gold and walking. He eventually collapses from the heat and the gold bars. A couple pull up in a Jetson's car and he offers them gold for water then dies with his lips all ashy. The husband is like “He offered me this gold” and tosses it in the dirt because its worthless.
I like this episode but the plan is ridiculous. Could you imagine freezing yourself for a hundred years at any point and thinking shit would be fine when you woke up? If you did it in 1925 and woke up now you would go insane seeing how the world was. There was a Black president?! Women are out the house and have their own bank accounts? And they can vote?! Thinking you could just walk around with Fort Knox gold and be rich is a dumb ass plan. If I had half a million dollars in 1925 and woke up now I couldn't even get a house today.
Season 3: “One More Paulbearer” Joseph Wiseman as Paul Radin
What you have just looked at takes place three hundred feet underground, beneath the basement of a New York City skyscraper. It's owned and lived in by one Paul Radin. Mr. Radin is rich, eccentric and single-minded. How rich we can already perceive; how eccentric and single-minded we shall see in a moment, because all of you have just entered the Twilight Zone.
I don't have too much to say about this episode because it is one of the worst and my least favorite. Like, maybe top three least favorite episodes. This asshole invites people from his past to get them to apologize to him for their treatment of him growing up. He says the world is about to end and they need to stay with him. Its a gag but ends up being real but then not. They also would rather face the wastelands than spend another moment with him. Its dumb. Dude is a super smug asshat. This is a good episode to fall asleep to.
Season 4: “Death Ship” Jack Klugman as Capt. Paul Ross
Picture of the spaceship E-89, cruising above the 13th planet of star system 51, the year 1997. In a little while, supposedly, the ship will be landed and specimens taken: vegetable, mineral, and if any, animal. These will be brought back to overpopulated Earth, where technicians will evaluate them, and if everything is satisfactory, stamp their findings with the word 'inhabitable' and open up yet another planet for colonization. These are the things that are supposed to happen. Picture of the crew of the spaceship E-89: Captain Ross, Lieutenant Mason, Lieutenant Carter. Three men who have just reached a place which is as far from home as they will ever be. Three men who in a matter of minutes will be plunged into the darkest nightmare reaches of the Twilight Zone.
These three astronauts spot a crashed ship and when they check it out they find their own bodies on the damned thing. Two of them see their families and home and are like “We gotta leave captain!” The captain says no and thinks they will crash or something. He reminds one of them that their family is dead so how could he have seen them. They start going crazy but eventually take off in the shuttle just for the captain to somehow crash and land it again right back where they were. Two of them realize and admit that they are dead and wanna move on but the captain is like “Nope. We gonna try this again and again until it works” essentially trapping them in this weird ass death loop. Captain Ross is a super asshole for this. He didn't seem to give a damn that he was torturing these guys for eternity.
Season 5: “Uncle Simon” Cedric Hardwicke as Uncle Simon
Dramatis personae: Mr. Simon Polk, a gentleman who has lived out his life in a gleeful rage; and the young lady who's just beat the hasty retreat is Mr. Polk's niece, Barbara. She has lived her life as if during each ensuing hour she had a dentist appointment. There is yet a third member of the company soon to be seen. He now resides in the laboratory and he is the kind of character to be found only in the Twilight Zone.
Barbara lives with and takes care of her uncle, Simon. This man spends his time bossing her around, making sure she doesn't leave, and talking mad shit to her. He says the best (meaning worst) insults to her. She tries to say he should be more appreciative of all the years she has spent taking care of him and he is like “Nah” and says more mean stuff. Here are a few samples.
Well, my angular turnip, what else is new with you?
Keep your spindle-shanked carcass out of my laboratory, and your long thin probing nose out of my business.
You night-crawling imitation of the female gender, if I catch you sneaking around outside my door, I’ll break your head.
You scrounging female ape.
What is the matter, you peanut-headed sample of nature’s carelessness?
Barbara, my dear, if you could prevail upon that raggedy Ann carcass of yours to exert itself, I’d like a cup of hot chocolate.
What does it take to make you move, you bovine crab?
Just (chefs kiss). Simon has a lab and is working on something in secret. One day Barbara gets fed up with his shit and lets him die after nudging him down some stairs because he caught her trying to look into his lab. She is all kinds of happy now until a lawyer reads the will and it mentions something strange. She leads him to the lab and opening the door activates a robot. Barbara has to take care of this robot and the lawyer will show up weekly to make sure she is or else she loses the monies. The robot slowly starts to act more and more like Simon and even tells her to close windows because of drafts and wants some hot chocolate. Ain't this a bitch? Again she gets fed up and shoves it down the stairs like she did human uncle Simon. Now the damn thing is walking around with a cane and still talking shit.
This is one of my favorite episodes of all time and I will watch it whenever it comes on. I know she spent a lot of time with Simon and thinks she should get some of that sweet cash and such but...no. Just leave. I know it was a lot of life spent but this is so not worth it. That robot is gonna outlive her goofy ass.
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