No
Retreat No Surrender 6/10
If you
had asked me a few days ago what the movie No Retreat No Surrender
was about I'd say that some kid got karate lessons from Bruce Lee's
ghost and ended up beating up Jean-Claude Van Damme. And I would have
been kind of right. There is so much more to this movie. I remembered
it being an awesome fighting movie with cool moves and shit. I was so
wrong. Some movies just do not age well. This is one. This guy named
Jason has a father that teaches karate. Kung fu. Martial arts.
Whatever the fuck it is its not effective in real life. Some mobsters
and JCVD as Ivan the Russian show up wanting the school because
apparently that is their new racket. His father says no and proceeds
to get his ass kicked and his leg snapped.
Jason
tries to intervene and gets his arms twisted in knots before his
father is like “Fuck this shit!” and they move. No fighting back.
No calling the cops. They fucking move to another state. Its supposed
to be Seattle but its still Sherman Oaks. I'm not stupid. So they get
to their new house and this kid named R.J shows up and they become
friends because he is Black and knows how to dance and Jason knows
some form of half assed karate. Jason ends up going to Bruce Lee's
grave and begging for help. His dad is like “Fighting sucks. Don't
fight.” Jason hates that and goes to a new karate school where he
gets his ass kicked. His dad later gets his ass kicked at a bar he is
working at and Jason shows up and saves him and his dad is like
“Fighting good. I was wrong. Keep fighting, son.” The fuck? Jason
then begins training more. And there is nothing gay about it.
Jason
and R.J are staying at an abandoned house they they have lit with
candles and there is nothing gay about that either. One day Jason gets a visit
by the ghost of Bruce Lee who proceeds to humiliate and kick his ass.
I mean, he pretty much proves that Jason's father taught him nothing.
Meanwhile the mobsters and JCVD are threatening more schools into
fighting even the one owned by the brother of a chick Jason is
dating. They are supposed to be friends but they make out and
everything. I need a friend like that.
One
day at a tournament JCVD ends up beating the shit out of every
challenger. The ref tries to stop him but stopping JCVD when he is in
fight mode is like trying to get me to stop laughing when someone falls down.
Difficult. Jason doesn't jump in until JCVD is about to beat his
girls ass. He ends up using the methods ghost of Bruce Lee that looks
nothing like Bruce Lee taught him. Seriously. The guy looked nothing
like Lee. They were both Asian males. That's it. This movie was
pretty bad but funny as hell and worth watching especially with
RiffTrax playing.
No comments:
Post a Comment