Theater Whore: Logan

Logan 3/10

There will definitely be some spoilers. I finally watched the latest Wolverine/X-Men movie Logan. I was shocked by how much I was not impressed with it considering so many reviews I watched slobbered all over its knob. It was just fine. Not impressive, fun, exciting, or anything special. It was just fine to me. I think I would have enjoyed this more if I didn't have almost two decades of shitty X-Men films in my head because even though they “rebooted” them they continued to drag the same dog shit on their shoes throughout the entire series.

Hugh Jackman returns again as Wolverine/Logan/James Howlett/Weapon X. Its 2029 and there are no more mutants and the planet in general doesn't look very fun at all. His healing factor is all honked up now and he is slowly dying. He can't heal from injuries the way he used to. He drives limos an deals with assholes. He meets up with Caliban who takes care of Professor X played once again by Patrick Stewart. The Professor is suffering from dementia now and instead of using racial slurs when he flips out he lets out a psychic blasts that incapacitates people or kills them.

Logan takes a job from this lady running off with a little girl named Laura. She is the one with claws and healing factor. You get her back story but whatever. Bunch of kids being trained as weapons. The rest of the movie is fighting, explosions, sadness, a younger Wolverine, and people dying. This is the last one of these films with Jackman so you can imagine what happens. In a year or two another movie will be made rebooting the character all over again. This movie expects you to have watched all the previous films or know random ass characters from the comics. Anyone else remember Caliban from another movie? 

I never want to hear the snikt of Wolverine's claws again. I wish they could have made different levels of its sound effect. I am confused as to why people liked this film so much. Someone called it “the Dark Knight” of this series which made me laugh. Not one of these films have come close to being as good as a Batman film. Even when I watch the older X-Men films I thought were okay I realize that they were okay because the previous one was such shit. These films have managed to get worse each time or make me care less about each one. I wish this was the end of these characters period. It was run down before it even got to this one.

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