Saturday, October 14, 2017

Theater Whore: The Florida Project


Florida Project 2/10

I need to hurry up and write about this movie before I talk it down to a 1. The Florida Project. I was sitting here watching Youtube and being a lonely ass nerd when Cam called and asked if I wanted to see a movie. Of course I did. So we headed to the Arclight and checked out this movie that was done by the same guy that did Tangerine. This was not Tangerine. This is one of those movies getting a lot of praise and Oscar talk but do not be fooled. This is the next Nocturnal Animals. You will leave the theater asking what the fuck just happened and how fast you can leave. And yes there will be spoilers because I am saving you two hours of your life.


Full disclosure: before this movie started I felt like I was gonna shit and vomit from eating Chick-Fil-A super fast with a milkshake. I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and felt much better. This movie starts with three kids that decide it is fun to spit all over the windshield of the car of a woman in a nearby hotel. She gets the mom of one of the girl and the mom is a total asshole dick bitch. Nothing likable about her. I could not stand her or her daughter or these boys. One of the boys is not allowed to play with them so he is replaced with this red haired girl whose mom just had her car spit on.


The rest of the movie was me and Cam hoping, I literally crossed my fingers, that these kids would get beaten, attacked by alligators, hit by a car, taken away, and at one point I wanted them trampled by cows. Didn't happen. The mom sleeps with men for hotel money while her daughter plays with dolls and listens to terrible trap music in the tub. The mom beats the fuck out of the boys mom and does not get arrested. She skips out on rent, pays it late, and sticks tampons to lobby doors and nothing happens. Fucking nothing happens. That is the point of this movie. Get a bunch of miserable assholes together and sit for two hours as there is no punishment. They were so fucking unlikable!


Okay. At one point child services is called because men have been coming in and out of the hotel room and they want the daughter. The mom is being a horrible asshole and the daughter freaks out when she realizes she is being taken away. She heads to the red haired girl's place and cries. And by cries I mean force herself to cry and it looked terrible. They race off at double speed and run into Disney World where the camera looks bad as shit. Then the movie ends. Theater was dead silent. Fuck this ending. Fuck the characters. Fuck everything. I am dropping my rating another point.

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