The Review: Crawl

Crawl 1/10

This movie should've been called Baffled. Crawl is trash. I just read and watched some reviews after seeing this crap with CK and we were both left speechless at certain points of this. I don't see how anyone can watch this and be entertained by it. I didn't hate it but I would never suggest this to anyone unless I didn't like them and wanted them to be confused for an hour and a half. This woman Haley swims well. She is the swimminest swimmer who ever swam. She swims so hard! I am not sure how old Haley is. Not sure if she is in high school or college or what. Her sister calls her on FaceTime in the locker room while everyone is undressing which makes the not knowing folks ages even worse. Her sister says a big ass hurricane is coming and that she needs to check on their dad. Haley don't talk to her dad anymore because he made her swim so much. She heads to their old home to see what the hell he is up to.

It is raining like crazy and she heads into the danger zone. Haley gets there and the family dog Sugar is there. Sugar is there for no reason. I'll say that now. It is there to make people who love animals worry even though the dog is never really in danger. Haley heads under the house and finds her dad beat to shit. An alligator got in and bit him and he has just been down there bleeding. They bang on pipes to distract the most vengeful alligators you've ever seen. She stabs one in the eye. She finds a gun and unloads an entire clip into one to kill it. The movie is mostly them being wet and getting attacked. Besides the first attack the father ends up getting his leg broken where the bone is sticking out. He fixes it. He gets his arm bitten off. He fixes it. Haley gets her arm bit. She gets her leg bit. She gets her other arm bit. She fine. The blood vanishes and returns at various times. I won't even mention the other five people killed because they were obviously gonna die because stupid decisions.

One scene that knocked every thought out of my head was after they started a boat that was left by three looters who got ate. They manage to finally get to this boat and a giant wave knocks them back into the house. Like, it literally knocks them back into the house they just escaped! It was so damned dumb. Eventually after making it onto the roof these two jacked up ass people make it to the roof and use a flare to get the attention of helicopters and the movie thankfully ends. The acting in this was garbage. I didn't understand the emotions the actress was trying to convey. They gave the dad lines from an inspirational quote website. I didn't care about the characters or the alligators. Just blah. This movie stank.

Kaya Scodelario as Haley Keller

Barry Pepper as Dave Keller

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