The Review: Glass

 

Glass 0/10

Full of spoilers. “This dialogue is garbage!” That is what I said out loud while watching Glass. I liked Unbreakable a lot. I enjoyed Split and was happy that they were tied together. I saw the trailer for this last year and kinda cringed because they were such different movies and characters that I wasn't sure if they would work together. Turns out they didn't. At all. You got one character that barely talks, another in a coma, and another with a bunch of personalities that wears pretty thin pretty quickly. So David Dunn is out fighting crime and searching for Kevin aka the Horde. David beats up so teens that shoot prank videos and with the help of his son tracks down Kevin who has some young girls captured. They fight. It is pretty wack honestly. They tussle. Its not a fucking fight. They tussle and get caught by some dudes and taken to a hospital where a lady doctor named Ellie Staple tries to convince them that they aren't special at all.

She is pretending to help them but she secretly works for a organization that's been around for thousands of years making people think that superheroes aren't real. Elijah aka Mr. Glass pretends to be brain dead most of the movie. He isn't. He sets it up so that he and Kevin can escape using the Beast. The girl from Split shows up and she is all bonding and shit with Kevin. The fuck?! The dude that was face deep in your school mates stomach? The one who held you all hostage? The one that is actively out in the streets killing other young girls? That's who you bond with?! The fuck is wrong with this girl? The fuck is wrong with the writer of this film?!

Here is the biggest problem with these movies. Yeah, its plural now because this movie infects the previous two. In Unbreakable David is a quiet fucking guy. I can't tell you a single thing he says in that movie. Mr. Glass does a lot of talking and is interesting as fuck. They showed a scene in this that was deleted from the first film but available on YouTube for a decade now that shows how brittle he is so he uses his mind. So you got quiet strong man and talkative delicate dude. Quiet man has no one since smart dude is pretending to be in a coma. That leaves us with dude with a bunch of personalities each less interesting than the next. Like, he had zero interesting personalities! A diabetic. An annoying child. A British woman. A monster. A possibly homosexual guy. A Spanish woman (?!?!). These three do not mix well and it doesn't help when the writing is so fucking atrocious I have to pause the movie to gather my thoughts.

Anyway, this ends with them all dead and a video of super shit happening going viral. I'm not shitting you. Mr. Glass gets pushed out his wheel-chair after Beast finds out that his dad was on the same train Mr. Glass caused to derail which David survived. Speaking of David. The city calls him Overseer. The fuck?! Overseer?! Does M. Night have no Black friends that were like “Eh, maybe the good guy shouldn't be called that?” Anyway, David dies in a puddle. A legit ass puddle of water in the parking lot. Mr. Glass broken. Kevin/Beast gets shot and the girl he didn't kill because she was molested by her uncle and scarred her body feels bad for him. And whoever did Mr. Glass' mothers makeup to age her up needs to be fired because she ended up looking like a Black woman dipped in wax.

This movie was dumb. Why would a secret organization go through this much trouble? Like, its not like the place they keep them is shitty and dripping and full of screams of tortured people. Its really clean and nice looking. Just drop a book on Mr. Glass and he gone. Give David a cup of water. Shoot Kevin while he is in 24 of his 25 forms. Why have this doctor waste time trying to trick them into thinking they aren't special. Would David suddenly not be strong because he doesn't believe he is? Would Kevin suddenly no longer have D.I.D? Would Mr. Glass not have his bones explode because you high-fived him? Stupid fucking movie. I'm changing my score. This gets a 0/10 now because I'm so annoyed that this was made. They should have went with Patton Oswalt's ideas from years ago. CLICK HERE to watch that video.

James McAvoy as Kevin Wendell Crumb/The Horde

Bruce Willis as David Dunn/The Overseer

Samuel L. Jackson as Elijah Price/Mr. Glass

Sarah Paulson as Dr. Ellie Staple

Anya Taylor-Joy as Casey Cooke

Spencer Treat Clark as Joseph Dunn

Charlayne Woodard as Mrs. Price

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