The Review: Wishmaster

Wishmaster 4/10

This movie was weird as hell and I am pretty sure I had seen it before but maybe in pieces. Back in the 1100s this djinn grants a wish from this emperor that was like “I wanna see wonders!” and the djinn was like “Bet” and started making people die in all kinda crazy ass ways. Just when a third wish to make it stop was about to be made the djinn got sucked into a ruby. Fast forward to the 90s and this statue containing the ruby is being transported. Drunk dude drops the statue killing someone and before this man's soul has even left his body this other worker steals the ruby that was embedded in the statue. This lady Alex and Josh have the gem examined after the dude who stole it sells it and it releases the djinn when it blows up. Josh is like “I don't wanna be in pain” so the djinn is like “Bet” and kills him.

The Review: Elevation

Elevation 3/10

This movie was butt. I randomly watched this with L. and I knew it would be bad just by the poster. That and the fact that the star of it did absolutely no interviews or anything about it. Just dropped that Captain America stinker and this movie was never brought up. This movie starts off three years after something called The Event. 95% of the human population was killed and people have to live above 8000 feet to be safe from these things called Reapers. Why don't the Reapers go above 8000 feet? I'm still not quite sure and neither is the movie. So this starts off with this kid named Hunter goofing around outside when he starts getting chased by something that sounds like dubstep. He makes it across this line and is out of danger. His father Will tells him that he needs to not do that and it is important for him to live. Meanwhile this seemingly crazy woman named Nina is firing shots with bullets fresh out the microwave at something repeatedly.

The Review: Death Of A Unicorn

Death Of A Unicorn 2/10

This movie was ass. I kept seeing an ad for it on my HBO and after looking through multiple streaming services and landed on this. Poster looked interesting and I didn't know anything about it so I checked it out. This father Elliot is driving with his daughter Ridley to meet with his boss in this fancy estate. Elliot's wife is dead. They seem to hem and haw about this so let me just point that out because in most films and TV shows the only reason a father is hanging with their daughter is cause the mama dead. So they driving and he is on the phone and blowing his nose and not paying attention as Ridley vapes sitting right next to him and they both lose service on their devices. He ends up hitting the hell out of a for real unicorn. Ridley touches the horn and has a whole out of body experience. She awakens when her father is bashing its head in. They arrive to meet Elliot's boss Odell, his wife Belinda, and his son Shepard. They are all rich folk stereotypes. Odell looks like he could die at any moment.

The Review: War Of The Worlds (2025)

War Of The Worlds -1/10

Oh, my god. I heard this movie was bad but didn't expect this level of bad. Miss Jackie made it 11 minutes. The poster is 95% of the movie. I slowly fast forwarded 20 minutes because it was just bad acting staring into the screen. This terrible father sits at work spying on people including his pregnant daughter and his son. When I say spying I mean he live tracks her and even hacker into her fridge to judge how she eats. She doesn't even invite him to her baby shower. He doesn't listen to shit his son says. A lady send shim some footage from all around the world showing weather than if I saw it in Africa my ass is worried in California. He like “I only watch people. Not the weather!” So his pregnant daughter who is a genius runs outside and stares at the aliens and gets a rod through her leg and has a baby. His son is a hacker he has been hunting and he found him using a program you can download for free to change your voice.

Sitting In The Aisle: The Fantastic Four First Steps

The Fantastic Four: First Steps 3/10

So I finally watched this. I was excited when I first watched the trailer but then Thunderbolts (which I watched and haven't written a review for because it would just be me hating for a paragraph) ruined my excitement. I don't have a lot to even say about this. I have seen every Fantastic Four movie and even made a post about who I would cast (click here for that). I didn't hate the Trank one as much as others because at least it was different but in hindsight my score for it is a bit higher than it should be. What I was hoping for was for this to be a fresh start in the MCU but then saw that they are being dragged into the current universe which for a while now has been rough as hell. From movies to series they have been pumping out more things I couldn't finish or plain disliked.

The Review: It Chapter 2

It Chapter 2 (3/10)

I absolutely loved the first It movie it seems. Looking back I don't remember liking it as much as I did. I also have vague memories of the mini series. My lady recently watched the old one. She didn't enjoy the newer one that much. We both watched this one together and...yeah. I don't even have all that much to really say about it. Mike calls everyone back because Pennywise is back and killing folk. Mike sounds like a damned lunatic most of the time, drugs his friend, lies to them all. He sounds like the worst. This movie was far too long feeling and we split it up into about three different watchings to get through it. The ending didn't even feel all that satisfying.

James McAvoy as William "Bill" Denbrough

Jessica Chastain as Beverly "Bev" Marsh

Bill Hader as Richard "Richie" Tozier

Isaiah Mustafa as Michael "Mike" Hanlon

Jay Ryan as Benjamin "Ben" Hanscom

James Ransone as Edward "Eddie" Kaspbrak

Andy Bean as Stanley "Stan" Uris

Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown

Click here for previous The Review.

Sitting In The Aisle: Superman

Superman 10/10

Spoilers. Finally! A good Superman movie! I have watched every Superman film. I made a list years ago of who I thought the best one was. I watched the cartoon in various forms ranging back to the damn 1940s. I am a huge Batman fan but have always hoped that a Superman movie would give me the feeling that the animated series in the 90s did. When I heard that James Gunn was writing and directing this I got happy and knew I had to see it in a theater because that man has the ability to make me give a damn about characters I didn't know existed or barely cared about. The fact that I liked Superman and Clark Kent equally was a fresh feeling. I sat in that theater feeling like a damn kid experiencing this character for the first time.

Curtain Call: Some Like It Hot

Some Like It Hot 6/10

Last week my lady and I went to see Some Like It Hot at The Pantage's Theater. I am not even gonna complain about how I couldn't understand about 60% of what was being sang by some of the performers because if you at the Pantage's at this point you accept the fact that they somehow have the worst sound system of any live theater I've been to. My lady got the tickets at a discount and the place wasn't packed. Also, the ushers were acting like workers at a polling place. I have seen the film version of this movie and liked it a lot and have seen it a few times as recently as last year so the story is fresh in my head. Well, nuts to that because this is very different than that version.