Thursday, April 24, 2014

What Happened To En Vogue?

Back when I was about 9 or 10 years old this group En Vogue came out. I have mentioned before that I never went through a phase were I was like “Ew, girls!” That could be used to describe me more now than then, but at that time I was all about women. Especially in packs. Back then there were a bunch of different girl groups out. It was glorious. What was even better was that they were covered up all the time so when they finally did a sexy video it was like “Whoa! Where did all that come from?!” It made me an even bigger fan. That video for “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” makes my pants tight till this day and that came out 22 years ago.

They have had members leave, come back, get replaced, and make solo albums. The way I used to decribe them when I would say who I liked I would say “The Short One” Maxine Jones. I loved “The Tall One” Cindy Herron. Then there were the other two known as “The One With The Tight Eyes” Dawn Robinson and “The Other One” Terry Ellis. For whatever reason Ellis went on to make some damn good albums and Dawn went on to be a part of Lucy Pearle which was a cool ass band.

Now there aren't groups like that anymore. Girls either wear nothing or they are too young for me to be looking at. What am I gonna do with a chick in her 20's? Have lunch and explain how there used to be one phone in the house when I was little? Yes. That is the answer.

There was this group that I first heard about a few years back named Mary Mary. For years I didn't know what they even looked like. I just knew they performed church music and that I had no time for that. Then one day I heard one of the members of the group, Erica Campbell, defending a dress that she wore because people were saying it was un-Christian of her to wear something like that. Then I saw what dress they were talking about and most of the blood in my body rushed to one specific spot.

Great googly moogly!

So after seeing how hot this chick was I needed to see how the other chick in the group looked. Most times when there are groups of four or more chances are that there will be an ugly one and the ugly one would be the most talented. I call it The Jodeci Factor. Like, in that group women loved DeVante and Mr. Dalvin but ignored K-Ci and JoJo who were the ones with talents. But DeVante and Mr. Dalvin were fair skinned and had nicer hair. So I needed to see what was going on with the other chick and imagine my surprise when I saw how hot she was.

I need to go to church.

This isn't about Mary Mary. This is about En Vogue. I wanted to see what they looked like now or as close to now in terms of pictures as I could find. I'll also try and include what the hell they've been up to since I've last heard about them.

Maxine Jones was the one that I was just crazy for. Maybe because I was short and so was she. In videos she was the one that I would pay the most attention to but figured I didn't have a chance with because she was too outgoing. I don't handle outgoing women well. You know my lifestyle! But like most women I know, it is fine for me to look while knowing I'll never touch. She looks way different than I thought she would now. I figured she would be huge. She was at some point but lost it. She is currently 52 years old and by the time she is 60 I'll try and holler at her. She'll be old and too weak to run from me.

Dawn Robinson to me was the least attractive but as she got older she got better looking. She is to me the best singer of the group but like I said earlier, that Jodeci Factor is a bitch. To me when I was little she looked like a lot of girls that would never talk to me because they were surrounded by guys fighting over the shiny,new light skinned girl. She is 48 right now and I think I would have a chance with her. She was married to some dude years ago that looked like he manicured himself more than she did.

Terry Ellis to me is the one that went on to have the most success. When she left the group I thought that she would release one weak ass album and then vanish. In the group she was the one I paid the least attention to and seemed the most unexceptional. Imagine my surprise when her album came out and did well. Not only did it do well, it was good. I wondered if she was holding back when she was in the group. She's 50 years old now and I don't see anything about her being married which means that if I ever meet her this blog no longer exists. She managed to grow some bomb ass hips while I wasn't looking.

Cindy Herron was just...mmm! I don't even know. Turns out she has competed in a lot of beauty pageants which isn't all that surprising. Like dawn, she looked like the kind of girl that I would have grown up with but could talk to and in a weak moment she'd kiss me. At the very least she would let me grab her boob which when you're young is the best thing ever. At my age its a blessing. She still performs in musicals and such as well as En Vogue even when other members bounce in and out the group. She is 52 years old now and looks younger than me which is just unfair. 

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