Everyone knows who The Incredible Hulk is. I'll go out on a limb and say that he is probably one of the top five most known comic book characters in the world. There's Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, Flash, and Hulk. Sad. Just realized that Hulk is the only Marvel character on that list. Not my problem. I decided to take the four live action versions of Hulk and see which one was possibly the best. I say that but don't actually make a decision. That's for you, you big baby. I can't make every decision for you!
Bill
Bixby as David Banner
The
Incredible Hulk (1977) “A fugitive scientist has the curse of
becoming a powerful green monster under extreme emotional stress.”
That is the perfect description of the character! I grew up watching
this but never had the chance to cover myself with green paint and
growl at people. I did use the “Don't make me angry. You wouldn't
like me when I'm angry” line but never seriously. I should. Maybe
next time I'm in church. Bixby made me feel bad for the poor guy
because he really looked like a nice guy who would end up in fucked
up situations, a monster would emerge, then he'd be hitchhiking to a
new town at the end of each episode.
Lou
Ferrigno as The Hulk
The is
the only time a real human being in makeup plays the Hulk. If I saw
this thing running down the street growling like a bear the city
would have to buy a new pair of pants for me because fuck dealing
with this level of stress. His hairstyle alone would make me cross
the street. The fact that his armpits turn flesh colored when he
sweats somehow makes him even more frightening because that just means some buff ass lunatic painted himself green and is on a rampage. He fought a bear once
and I believed it had nothing to do with the show. I think they just
found him during a lunch break just fucking with nature.
Eric
Bana as Bruce Banner
Hulk
(2003) “Bruce Banner, a genetics researcher with a tragic past,
suffers an accident that causes him to transform into a raging green
monster when he gets angry.” Fuck this movie. I went to the theater
eleven kinds of excited and walked out feeling like someone farted
into a bag and put it over my head. BRUCE Banner gets injected with
Hulk juice as a baby and even in his normal form looks like the kinda
guy that would kick an actual scientists ass for fun. I don't feel
bad for this good looking jock.
Ang
Lee as The Hulk
He
looks...cuddly. Like soft. If this Hulk ran up to me I would pet him
while he rolled over exposing his belly thereby showing that I had
established dominance in this relationship. What is even worse is
that the director fucking Ang Lee did the motion capture for this
because as we all know when we think of how Hulk should move and
react we all picture a small Taiwanese man. Am I right? I can't be
the only one. This is by far the worst Hulk in terms of everything.
Ed
Norton as Bruce Banner
The
Incredible Hulk (2008) “Dr. Bruce Banner, thanks to a gamma ray
experiment gone wrong, transforms into a giant green-skinned hulk
whenever his pulse rate gets too high.” This is more like it. A
thin guy that doesn't look like he could be running around kicking
folks asses. I like that it got to a point where I was proud that he
was in South America trying to contain his rage and there was even a
countdown clock. He is that guy that you praise for their AA chips because when he falls off the wagon he shoots it as it drives away. Even now when I read old ass Hulk stories it has
this guys voice.
Technology
as The Hulk
Fucking
run! Muthafucka is using cars for boxing gloves! This thing is huge, scary, and would make me change my beliefs
towards religion if it rushed up on me. This is nothing but a rage
monster. You don't hold you hand up and try to reason with this
unless you're one of those people that think having two arms is
stupid. This creature would rip your arm off and beat you to death
with it. He looks like he doesn't tip either.
Mark
Ruffalo as Bruce Banner
The
Avengers (2012) “Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. assembles a team of
superheroes to save the planet from Loki and his army.” While
Banner is not the star of this since it has a huge cast I was pissed
because Ruffalo to me is the guy that likes the girl but doesn't get
her until after some other asshole has blown her back out...just like
my real life. It turns out that he was actually pretty good at
playing a meek fella. I had to admit that he portrayal as Banner was
pretty damned good.
CGI
Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk
Though
this was the most realistic looking of all the Hulks it was not as
scary as the one listed above. He got to show more personality and it
was nice to not see him make the sad puppy dog eyes and go
“Betty...?” and jump into the sky moaning like a little bitch. I
just described the entire Hulk cartoon series in one sentence. I'm
not sure if I could watch an entire film with this Hulk but I'd give
it a try.
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