Nothing But Gossip January 5th 2014

Raven Symone is now out of the closet and continuing to help deplete my Spank Bank. Seriously, I am starting to think that being apart of my economic recovery causes lesbianism. And by economic recovery I mean my penis.

Beyonce has a song called XO where at the beginning she uses audio from the Challenger explosion. NASA (who at this point is irrelevant) is pissed so B was all like “The song 'XO' was recorded with the sincerest intention to help heal those who have lost loved ones to remind us that unexpected things happen.” That's like showing me pictures of people having heart attacks and saying it will help me get over my brother's death. Just say you liked the audio and wanted to use it. Weirdo.

Actor James Avery died on New Year's Eve after troubles from a heart surgery. Many may remember him as Uncle Phil on Fresh Prince of Bel Air or as the voice of The Shredder. He was 68 years old.

Rose McGowan (the chick that dated Marilyn Manson and was on Charmed and used to be super hot) saw an old man get sucker punched in Venice when she dude knocked him out and escaped. This was a new example of the “Knockout Game.” She says he was on a skateboard and got away and was masked. Here is a picture of the suspect.

George Lucas decided to have a new kid. He already has three that are adopted and his new one had a surrogate mother which means...he still doesn't have a kid. Yeah, I know. Lots of folks are gonna be pissed at that comment. But still...surrogate.

Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House was finally able to handle her tax problems which there were over 50,000 of. This is the first time I have written about or heard of her since that show that didn't involve meth.

For some reason Kim Kardashian can't stop trying to prove to the world that she is still attractive. She isn't really but you know what I mean. Here she is after a workout with Britney Gastineau (don't worry I don't know who the fuck she is either) pretending that their asses are real.

Selena Gomez likes making bad life decisions so she is back with Justin Bieber. At least if they got married its legal in more states now. Get it?! Oh, and because it wouldn't be a normal week without an assault, two of his bodyguards attacked a limo driver. You know that Santa tracker that is used every year? They need one for this kid and the trail of destruction he and his team leave. 

Paul Walker's autopsy report came out and it revealed pretty much what you'd expect from someone who was in a speeding car that hit a tree and burst into flames. People continue to hope that maybe he somehow didn't suffer.

Human (I can't call her a raper or singer) Ke$ha is in rehab for an eating disorder. She says music producer named Dr. Luke is the main cause. First world problems continue. “I'm a crusader for being yourself and loving yourself, but I've found it hard to practice. I'll be unavailable for the next 30 days, seeking treatment for my eating disorder...to learn to love myself again, exactly as I am.” I say being a vegetarian is an eating disorder. 

Rapper Ludacris continues to be an idiot like many athletes and rappers and gets chicks pregnant like its a brand new game. While he and his longtime and hot as hell woman Eudoxie were “on break” he got his old baby mama pregnant. Now there's a whole child support battle going on. Men need to stop just letting loose in chicks. Stop. Seriously. The mother, Tamika Fuller, wants more than $1,700 he wants to pay since he allegedly pays $7,000 just for lawn care a month. She also wants him to pay for a better lawyer so she can get him good. I never understand that part.

Bethenny Frankel is pissed that people keep accusing her new boyfriend of rape. Well, he was accused of it back in college but a police report was never filed.

Someone else who can't keep their dick from making babies is NBA player Dwayne Wade had a kid while cheating on Gabrielle Union who is fucking cute. They are trying to twist it into them being “on break” (here we go with this shit again) when it happened. Either way, there is now another human being on the planet because a guy couldn't pull out, use a condom, or just watch a movie instead of fucking.

Giggity!

Ayelet Ben-Sharhar from cable's House Of Lies was busted for shoplifting from a Gelson's in Studio City. She took $400 worth of stuff which honestly, if you've ever shopped there, is only enough food to fit in your pocket.

Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty has more sermon footage released. If you were surprised at how he felt about gay folks then you may also be surprised that he believes that you should marry a girl when she is 15. “They'll pick [clean] your ducks. You wait till they get to be 20 years old...the only pickin' that's gonna take place is your pocket.” Truly, truly shocking news...if you were born the other day.

And here's Amanda Seyfried's dog humping some other unsuspecting dog.