Thursday, August 15, 2013

Stop It Justin Bieber

You ever have one of those things in your life where you cant remember what life was like before it. You can fall in love and not recall your world before it. For some its a war. Others it’s a death in the family. For me its Justin Bieber. I cant really recall what it was like to live without this asshole invading every news source that I read and listen to. This isn’t my normal hating that I get accused of which I will openly admit to. I am a total hater but that is mostly towards men that women love that I can never look like. I would never want to look like Bieber but I would love to powerbomb him through a flaming table just once. 

When this little girl first came out I knew it was gonna be bad. When girls are young they like guys that look like them. He’s as smooth as a Anne Rice vampire and is not threatening no matter how hard he tries to be. The people he rolls with can be but more on that later. This is a 19 year old kid from Canada that acts like he is from the baddest borough in Brooklyn. He’s not. He’s a kid that got famous thanks to Youtube. One of the worst things about people like him is that he will say something and his fans will jump right on board with whatever he states like his belief that abortion is “like killing a baby.” If only his mother who was 17 when she had him believed the opposite. 

As much shit as this kid has been involved with you would think he was in his 20’s. Most of his bullshit started a couple of years ago. A few incidents have to do with his magical car that for whatever reason can not go below 100 miles per hour. His car is so damned dangerous that it has caused death. Well, sorta. Someone was trying to snap pictures of his car and died crossing the street. But still. 

"To the Douchemobile!"

Did you know Bieber had a pet capuchin monkey? Well, he did. I say did because when trying to tour in Germany he didn’t have papers for it and left it there with no attempt whatsoever to get it back. Also while overseas he does things like walk through the streets and airports shirtless, having his bus pulled over for marijuana, posting cartoons of him in bed with young girls, and visiting Anne Frank’s museum and hoping that she would have been a “Bieliber.” Yes. He said that. I think she would have been too busy hiding because her people were being exterminated to sit and listen to “Baby, Baby, Baby” for the hundredth time. 

Then there’s his issues with people trying to take pictures of him. Multiple times he has spit at them and there is video of him saying he is going to “fucking beat the fuck” out of one of them. I would have loved to see this by the way. Just pale little arms flailing until he started screaming for backup as he is dropped with a single punch. 

"Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em!"

His thing is spitting. I don’t know about you but if you spit on me you have just given me full permission to beat you until I am jailed. He has spit on photographers, neighbors, and even fans because, you know, he loves them so much. 

His security team has been in trouble a bunch of times now for beating people. They are more like a gang than anything else. Almost every week something happens that involved them having to protect their princess. Recent shit he has done besides the spitting over the balcony while his fans cheered is pissing drunkenly into a mop bucket at a restaurant (which was filmed by his friends) while spraying a photo of Bill Clinton and shouting “Fuck Clinton!”, speeding through his neighborhood or having his two jackass friends doing it, getting drunk in public (in Canada its legal but he‘s done it here in the U.S multiple times), and making millions believe that what he makes is actual music.

I have no words.

What he’s doing isn’t new. We have seen so many people start off as famous kids crash and burn. Its just that nowadays these celebrities and performers can reach far more people. His fans are fucking loyal to him no matter what. I just hope there’s no boys running around thinking he is for real. In a few years there will be girls tearing posters down from their walls going “What in the hell was I thinking?!“ He’s a cartoon character of a bad boy and when he finally hits rock bottom I will be here in my robe and draws rubbing my hands together like some sort of ridiculous super villain. 

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