The Review: The Art Of Self Defense

The Art Of Self Defense 3/10

Full of spoilers. I watched the movie The Art Of Self Defense on Hulu last night and it was very meh. It was shot well. Had good acting. The look and everything was fine. The problem I had with it was that it felt uneven. It reminded of the movie form Netflix called War Machine where if it had chose a tone it could've have been really good. But this movie would go between an oddly violent Napoleon Dynamite and a goofy Fight Club. If it picked one I would have dug the hell out of this. I read some people say it is like John Wick and that is silly. Just because a dog is killed does not make it John Wick. You might as well compare it to The Thing or Signs. Dogs being killed in movies is the best way to make someone irredeemable.

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 Episodes 7-8

Episode 7

This episode called “The Return” continues the two season long streak of this series being amazing. Nadja and Laszlo are coming home from seeing a movie they hated because there was sound and hear someone inviting them down into the sewer. They head down into the shit tunnels and find Simon the Devious. He is the one that took Laszlo's cursed hat and blew up in the club. Nadja feels bad for him since all his friends are gone and she invites him to their house. He is there before they even get home! He says he took the shit tunnels. At the house Nandor is giving a tour and Elvis is living there running a radio station! Laszlo turned him into a vampire and there's that. Laszlo suspects that Simon just wants the cursed hat back. Simon also has some of his friends come and one is a rapping vampire and there other is a monster looking one named Carol. Carol wants to eat Guillermo. Laszlo suspicious of Simon confronts him with something he has covered up and rips the cloth off. It turns out to be a statue of a bat he made for them for being so nice.

The Review: Inside Man Most Wanted

Inside Man Most Wanted 1/10

Trash! This trash! Inside Man: Most Wanted is not a good movie. Just thought I needed to point that out and save you time from reading the rest of this if you wanted. I loved the original movie. It was well thought out, the camera work, the acting, the music, the directing. Everything about that movie is great. It is pretty much a perfect film. A few months ago Cam and I found out that this existed. I saw it was on Netflix the other day and decided to watch it tonight. It was a bad decision. The acting in this felt like it was all a rehearsal. The voices sounded weird (I later found out some folks were British) and the way it was filmed seemed like a made for TV movie. Nothing was clever about the the way these crimes were committed. It was so fucking smash and grab. The hostages in it didn't even make a difference. They try and mimic the first movie by showing some interviews and attempting to have the main dude act like Denzel Washington-Lite and it was so forced. The lady FBI agent was there for...some reason, I guess.

The Review: Altered Carbon Resleeved

Altered Carbon Resleeved 6/10

So I was sitting here tired of watching nothing but YouTube and checked my Netflix to see what I could find. I stumbled upon this Altered Carbon: Resleeved animated movie. Had zero idea it existed and came out two months ago. Did anyone even see this? Maybe not. That second season was trash and I couldn't even finish it. I liked the first season but didn't as much after reading the book. Okay. Click here to see my review of season one, here for season two, and here where I wrote about the biggest differences between the series and the book. Ain't got time to be sitting here recapping shit I've recapped already.

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 Episodes 4-6

Episode 4

How is this show so damned funny? I ended up watching three more episodes with CK and we laughed harder than previous ones. This one called “The Curse” revolves around Nandor asking Guillermo to hand him his laptop so that he can check his email. He keeps old letters from the hundreds of years he has been alive and sees that he has two new messages. One is from Circuit City, since he hasn't checked since 2009, and another is a chain letter. He has to send the message to ten friends or be cursed. Of course Nadja and Laszlo read it and think they too are now cursed and get pissed at Nandor. They ask Colin for help and he starts boring them until they almost faint.

The Review: Bachelor Listen To Your Heart

Bachelor Listen To Your Heart 7/10

This is the first time I have ever written a review for a reality show. I have worked in post production as a logger/transcriber and as an assistant editor. Hell, on one show I don't even know what the name is for what I did. This show Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart was a weird ass show. I never watched The Bachelor and any information I know about cast members from previous seasons comes from TMZ when one of them punches a wall or says something racist. So I did not know what to expect from this show except a lot of silly shit happening due to production interference. What that means is that naturally most people are boring as fuck when left to their own devices so things need to happen to spice shit up.

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 Episodes 1-3

Episode 1

The second season of What We Do In The Shadows wasted no time getting started and making me laugh. Nadja and Lazslo need a new familiar since the ones they have keep dying. They show clips of the various ways they died and the one that cracked me up was one of them bursting into flames because of all the candles and Nadja just calmly putting the fire out...on the curtains. They get a new one that they love named Topher played by Haley Joel Osment. He doesn't do shit. When the vampires enter the room Guillermo is the one doing the actual cleaning and Topher just snatches the feather duster from his hand. They hug him and care for him far more than Nandor cares for Guillermo. Also, Guillermo is leaning into killing vampires after discovering his heritage. They are showing up at the house to kill the group after Guillermo killed Baron.

The Review: Bumblebee

Bumblebee 8/10

Shocked that I enjoyed this movie. The other Transformer movies were garbage. I watched two and didn't realize that three more happened. I knew there were more but not that many. I randomly decided to check Bumblebee out after a few people said it was good. They were right. From the very beginning I knew this would be good just because the Autobots looked like Autobots and Decepticons looked like Decepticons. That was one of the biggest complaints I had about previous movies. None of the characters looked like who they were supposed to be. Not to mention that when they fought I couldn't tell what the hell was going on. This movie had a simple story that managed to not get boring and characters that were the right amount of what they needed to be. Meaning the bullies were bully enough. The annoying brother stopped just short of being intolerable. The touching moments stopped...uh...touching right when they needed to. It was well done.

The Review: Dave Season 1

Dave 9/10

Full of spoilers. This show was nothing like I thought it was gonna be based on the posters or commercials. I thought it was about a dude named Dave that had a talking dick. I seriously thought that was what this entire show was about. I was wrong. I was very wrong. This is about an aspiring rapper named Dave Burd and his relationships with his friends and girlfriend. For those that do not know dude can actually rap. Like, really good. He meets up with his friend GaTa and wants to hook up with the rapper YG. Dave end sup getting $10,000 from his parents and uses it to get on one of his songs. He thinks things move quickly and gets suspicious when he can't contact YG's people and suspects his friend GaTa. It is such an embarrassing scene when he does this in front of GaTa's mother at her own home.

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Episodes 5-10

What We Do In The Shadows 10/10

I fucking loved this series. I laughed so hard during this I made my stomach hurt. I ended up watching episodes 5-10 in one day so I'm not gonna try and recap it one by one like previous ones. Just gonna talk about how funny this show was and what I liked about it. Like I said before, I didn't want to watch this series because I thought that it was just gonna be a knockoff version of the movie which I really enjoyed. These last episodes managed to be random and hilarious but also forwarding the story. They brought back that dude Jeff aka Gregor that Nadja wants since they hook up in all his past lives. She thinks his current life is boring after going to the fair so she brings back the memories of all his past lives and now he is fucking insane. Straight up lost it laughing when Jeff had Nadja try popcorn and she projectile vomited. Of course because vampires can't be eating normal people food.

The Review: Killers Anonymous

Killers Anonymous 0/10

This movie is up its own ass. It also made less than $100,000 worldwide. I normally don't mention how much movies made but something has to be said for a movie that has actors and actresses I know exist and made so little. Hell, it made no money in the US. None! How does a movie make no money? By being the piece of trash that Killers Anonymous is. I'm not sure what this movie was trying to imitate but it missed every one it was aiming for. This is about a group of killers that meet up and talk about wanting to kill again and their previous crimes. It attempts to be stylized at certain points but it looks so damned silly. It starts off badly and suddenly the credits start about eleven minutes in mixed in with animation. Its garbage.