Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Theater Whore: Ant-Man

Ant-Man 6/10

I finally got around to seeing Ant-Man starring Paul Rudd. This is the last of the Phase Two Marvel films and that means something that I am vaguely aware of. There will be some spoilers. This movie has a pretty basic premise of a systems engineer with a criminal named Scott Lang that is trying to get his life back together after doing three years in prison for playing Robin Hood. He goes to visit his daughter after getting out and is reminded by his wife and her new boyfriend that he is a failure at being a father and provider. By the way, his daughter is one of the best parts of the movie.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Review: The Day The Earth Stood Still

For a movie made when my father was 1 years old The Day The Earth Stood Still looked pretty damned good. I decided to check this out on Amazon. I've heard of this movie for years and even knew what the robot, Gort, looked like from posters, pictures, and random things. But this movie was not about what I thought it was. It was actually far more thought provoking and insightful than the “robot comes to Earth and humanity fights back” tale I expected.

The world gets information that something is moving fast around Earth but nobody is seriously worried about it until a spaceship lands in the middle of a baseball field in Washington D.C. The military shows up and this alien named Klaatu gets out. He removes a small device from his jacket and it springs open with spikes and a soldier pops his ass in the shoulder with a bullet. This big ass robot named Gort starts disintegrating guns until Klaatu calms his shit. Klaatu is like “That was a gift for your president that would've let him study life on other planets but fuck it now. I'm hurt!”

The Review: True Detective Season 2 (Ep. 1-3)

I finally got around to catching up on the second season of True Detective from HBO. This has nothing to do with the first season which was one of the best pure seasons of a series I've ever watched. With an eight episode format you do not have the luxury of dicking around. Sadly that is exactly what this current season is doing. I have watched three of the four episodes aired and do not plan on continuing any further.

This and the previous season have no connection other than name which I am happy about since so far I have had to force myself to watch these three. This one takes place in California and follows four different people. There is Taylor Kitsch aka The Box Office Bomb Magnet as a war veteran/super closeted homosexual named Paul Woodrugh. His character is boring as all hell and I don't care what he does or what happens to him. Whenever he was on screen I was just waiting for it to end. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Theater Whore: Terminator Genisys

Terminator Genisys 1/10

Normally when I wrote a review I will say spoilers ahead but if you've seen the poster or trailer for this movie then its already had a major part of the story spoiled. I actually wonder what this would've been like if it hadn't. When that particular scene happened it would have been far more surprising and I would have given this a 2 instead of a 1. And that 1 is because I smiled whenever Pops aka T-800 aka Arnold Schwarzenegger smiled. I will try to explain what the hell this garbage ass movie was about even though Terminator Genisys couldn't. 

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Won't Be Fooled Again: Wayward Pines

Ha! Nice try, Wayward Pines! I'm not even going to begin to fall for this shit. As soon as I saw the trailer for this I knew that it was bullshit and yet another one of those shows that you know has no clear ending in sight (even though its based off of a series of books) and that there was no point to getting invested because you know it will get canceled because Fox.

"The series stars Matt Dillon as Ethan Burke, a U.S. Secret Service agent investigating the disappearance of two fellow agents in the mysterious small town of Wayward Pines, Idaho. Ethan awakens from a car accident unable to contact the outside world, and unable to leave. He finds one of the agents dead and the other, his former mistress Kate Hewson (Carla Gugino), settled down in the seemingly idyllic town. But the inhabitants of Wayward Pines are trapped there by a set of rules enforced by the sinister Sheriff Arnold Pope (Terrence Howard), and any attempt to escape is punished by a public execution known as a 'reckoning.'"

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

People Like Teens Dying In Film

Not sure if you've noticed bit the latest trend in teen movies aren't vampires like they want you to believe or even tough girl films like you've been tricked into thinking. Its dying ass kids. The ones that people talk about the most are Twilight (which aren't as terrible as you think) where a girl hangs with vampires and wants to die and be just like them and The Hunger Games which is about kids being used to kill each other for the entertainment of rich people.

In 2013 there was Warm Bodies which I enjoyed. Its about a zombie that ends up falling in love with a girl that is a slightly cuter looking version of Kristen Stewart. He eats her dead boyfriends brains to learn what she likes.