This was a rough ass year for movies. I was only able to come up with ten films. Movies were either really awesome or just terrible. This is going to be my list of The Best Movies Of 2017 and you will notice that a lot of them are superhero based ones. That is not my fault. Blame movies just not being good enough or Oscar bait. If I see Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Steven Spielberg, or Glenn Close I yawn and say I'll watch it later because I know what is going on. They cram these movies into the end of the year so people go “Oh, this movie is amazing!” meaning “This movie just came out and I remember it!” Let me stop. I'll be ranting about that the closer it gets to the awards. Here is my list. Feel free to disagree and be wrong. All titles are links to my original reviews.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
I decided to check out this short series on Netflix called Wormwood and I can't even tell you why exactly but I am so glad that I did. This is a mixture of documentary, movie, and holy shit the government is terrifying. This is the story of a guy named Eric Olson who is trying to find out if his father Frank Olson who was a CIA employee who was part of an experiment called MK Ultra which consisted of drugging agents with LSD killed himself by jumping from a window or if he was killed. Peter Sarsgaard plays Frank in flashback scenes. This features interviews with people involved, investigators, and lawyers as they try to figure out what the fuck really happened.
Saturday, December 23, 2017
This movie is a mess. There will be spoilers. I just finished watching the Netflix movie called Bright and am trying to figure out how they could make a movie about orcs living in present times kung fu elves could be this whack. This should not have been a two hour movie. This has so much shit happening and history that it absolutely needed to have been at least a three season show. Will Smith is a cop along with his partner played by Joel Edgerton who is an Orc cop. I guess two thousand years ago Orcs and humans fought together is some great battle but humans still treat Orcs like shit.
Friday, December 22, 2017
$675 million worldwide does not sound bad. If I did anything that made that much money I'd be singing the songs of my people and crippling strippers with stacks of money. But that huge amount is actually terrible when you take into account Justice League stars Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman...and the rest. This is their tent pole film that is supposed to springboard many other films in the DC cinematic universe. To put this into perspective, Doctor Strange made $677 million worldwide. Yeah. A movie about a character that people kinda know that had no build up. There was no Strange in Avenger films to give some sort of backstory. In reality Justice League should have made a billion dollars or more. Deadpool cost $58 million and made $783 million.
Ash Vs Evil Dead Season Two 10/10
There will be some spoilers. Thank god they added Ash Vs Evil Dead Season 2 to Netflix because no one has Starz! I ran through the second season in a few days and could not believe that it was better than the first season which I loved. This show is so damned well made and you can tell that the people involved, besides the people that were in the originals, love being a part of it. Every is into what they are doing and giving 100%. You know how on some shows there seem to be people that are all in? This is not one of those shows. This show is so fucking fun to watch and I am glad that next year there will be another season.
Saturday, December 16, 2017
I watched the movie Geostorm after laughing at the trailer a while ago. It is about someone using satellites that are in space to control our weather because we fucked the planet up and turning them into a weapon. Gerard Butler who designed the system called Dutch Boy for reasons, is told by his brother to go up there and fix that shit. His daughter who is a smart ass is upset and he promises not to die. This movie is pretty much watching a story try to happen while watching deserts turn to ice and beaches get jacked up. Seriously, there is a scene in Brazil where this hot woman runs from the now frozen beach, exploding buildings, and a plane that falls out of the sky. She lives because she is hot.
Friday, December 15, 2017
The Greasy Strangler 2/10
I checked out this movie Koko recommended called The Greasy Strangler. She told me what it was about and it sounded silly as all hell so I decided to check it out. Meh. I could have waited to see this. The movie is about a guy named Big Ronnie that loves grease. Everything he eats is greasy and he even wants it in his coffee. His son Brayden is a weird ass guy and together they do a touring group where they show people fake disco history in their town. They just lie to folks and ditch them. There is also a guy that is going around strangling people and leaving a bunch of grease behind. Gee, I wonder who it could be...
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Die Hard 9/10
Turns out I had not seen this movie in damn near 30 years. Die Hard is one of the movies where I would say I have seen it and could explain the basic plot but there are entire characters and plot points that I forgot about. John McClane played by Bruce Willis arrives in Los Angeles to meet up with his wife who he is kinda sorta estranged from. He likes working on the east coast and she is starting her life with their kids in LA. His limo driver named Argyle is chatty as hell but it works because it gives some insight to McClane's character. He gets to the Nakatomi building where there is a Christmas party happening and finds out his wife isn't even using his last name anymore. Burn!
Saturday, December 9, 2017
The Shape of Water 11/10
There will be spoilers. I know that in the past I would not rate a movie beyond a 10. I wanted to do it with Baby Driver but did not. Fuck it. The Shape Of Water deserves more than a damned 10. This was one of the best movies I've ever seen and made me so happy that movies exist. I try to find one of these types of films every year and this year it has happened multiple times (Baby Driver, Thor: Ragnarok, Guardians of The Galaxy 2).
Cam and I saw this today and we were amazed that they were able to develop so many characters in one film and not have anyone feel left out. I said that I don't need a prequel to this or a sequel. I take everything in this movie and have no more questions regarding what happened to the characters before this or after. It is fucking complete.
Monday, December 4, 2017
Justice League 1/10
This is not a fun movie. You'd think a movie with all of these characters would at the very least be fun but it was very much not. It wasn't even cool. With superhero or comic book based movies if you can't get anything right the very least you can do is make characters look like they are supposed to or cool. That does not happen with this. And for anyone that says I am a Marvel whore and love all their movies (which I don't) I have a goddamn Batman tattoo on my right arm and a Warner Bros. based one on the left. So kiss my ass. I have no brand loyalty, not even with the toothpaste or toilet paper I buy. I just wanna be entertained...and have nice breath and a clean ass.
Monday, November 27, 2017
The Punisher: 10/10
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond - The Story of Jim Carrey & Andy Kaufman Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton 9/10
Yeah, I know that is a long ass title. Koko, her friend, and I went to see this documentary Jim & Andy during the AFI Fest and it is really good. I had no idea what this was gonna be like because in recent years I have heard nothing but bad things about Jim Carrey and the last thing I saw him in, The Bad Batch, he didn't talk and I had no idea it was him until the credits when I saw his name. I know about Andy Kaufman through stand up and old footage from his wrestling days. Never saw Man On The Moon. This should have bored the shit out of me but it did the opposite.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
A Prairie Home Companion 8/10
I went to AFI Fest with Koko and this cutie the other day and got to see two movies. The first was A Prairie Home Companion directed by Robert Altman. I had zero idea what this movie was about though I had heard of it before. I thought maybe it was about a farm and dying horses or something. Seriously. I did not know when it was made or who was in it. I actually thought it was a much older film based on the title. I was wrong about a lot of this movie meaning everything.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
30 For 30 Ric Flair 9/10
I just finished watching the 30 For 30 special from ESPN just because it was about Ric Flair. I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know about his career since I have read his first book, watched wrestling since I was 3 years old, and wanted a robe as a child because I wanted to imitate Flair. If anyone is a fan of my weird as character Pretty Ricky the reason he wears a robe and says “Ooh...” was inspired by Flair's “Woo!” Now you know that bit of useless information.
Friday, November 10, 2017
I finally finished the third installment of my video game that does not exist anywhere except in my head. Steel Punch 3: Ladies Night was more fun than making the soundtracks for part one and part two because now I know more about what I am doing and felt comfortable playing around. I used more vocals in this and tried to give each level a distinctive sound. In my head when I hear the music I can see the characters, enemies, and bosses. I did away with bonus level music and focused on just being ridiculous. I also may have accidentally made a part four in my head. In case anyone is wondering where My Song Of The Week is now I have started loading my songs to Spacebar DJ instead.
Last night while loading some songs I realized that while I had posted the soundtrack for Steel Punch I'd never loaded the second one so here it is. It is fun listening to how I made songs a year ago and even two years ago when I first even attempted it. The songs load out of order for whatever reason so if you wanna see the tracks click here.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
For all the things I can think of that my father has done to embarrass me in my life the one thing I can say he has never done is cry on the internet. There is no footage of this. Know who can't say that? Tyrese Gibson's daughter Shayla. Holy shit, this dude is falling apart at an alarming rate. Or maybe not so alarming and not so surprising when you think about it. I have been following all of his escapades online and in court because I have close to no life. If I did any less it would be called haunting so I have the time and love of nonsense to keep up with this fool and his shenanigans.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
There will be spoilers. Babies. I know I am late writing this review but I finished the Netflix series Ozark a while back after taking time off to watch other shows. This series was pretty damned incredible. Again, Netflix has a knack for shitty posters that make me not want to watch their shows and friends and family have to get me to check them out. Cam suggested this one and I was hooked. I am not kidding. There is a scene in the first episode that is so intense I could have crushed coal into diamonds with my asshole. After that I knew that I was in and going to finish this show.
Friday, November 3, 2017
Thor Ragnarok 10/10
This morning my ass raced to the theater to see Thor: Ragnarok because I didn't want any spoilers (which this review would have because it is a review an you shouldn't be reading them unless you expect to be spoiled by some things) and because this is the first Thor movie that looked interesting to me. The first Thor movie stunk. The second one was worse than the first. But when I saw the trailer for this one I got hype as shit and had to see this. On a previous blog post rating my excitement levels for upcoming Marvel movies (click here for that) I gave this a 1/5. That should tell you how much I enjoyed this.
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
I mean damn. It is crazy how a show like Cleverman can start off with a good premise and quickly jump every shark it spots and instead of pulling back it just continues making a mess of what could have been maybe three different good shows. I found this on Netflix because the poster looked interesting and assumed it was about ninjas. I was wrong. It is filmed all up in Australia. This is gonna cover both seasons of the show and full of spoilers meaning me saving you time watching twelve episodes of a show with no ending and likely no third season. You're welcome.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Spoilers, humans. I decided to check out this movie on Netflix that just came out called Wheelman after watching an interview with the star Frank Grillo on The Fighter & The Kid. I have seen Grillo in a few films and once he said that 98% of this one was in a car I was all in because for some reason if you can make a movie good with little to no location changes really I like it. Locke and Buried are two that I can think of offhand that were this way. This is about a guy with no name that is hired to take some assholes to rob a bank and drive the away. Very simple premise that this movie managed to make very interesting with the help of good acting and well timed drama.
Friday, October 20, 2017
Some Like It Hot 9/10
I got to see Some Like It Hot a few decades after it came out. Hey. Shut it. J-Ro suggested this so we checked it out. I knew that Marilyn Monroe was in it and that is about it. And, boy, is she in it. These two guys named Joe and Jerry played by Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon who are in a jazz band. Joe has gambling issues and after the club they are playing at is raided they take off running. They end up stumbling across this gangster named Spats and witness him just straight up murdering some guys. They realize they need to get their asses out of town fast.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
The Bad Batch 1/10
I think I am on a streak of watching shit films and gotta be careful. I decided to watch this movie The Bad Batch on Netflix after remembering seeing a cool trailer a while back and decided to give it a try. As soon as I saw Jason Momoa was in it I should have stopped but I am not a quitter, damn it! I just give up...slowly. So this girl named Arlen played by Suki Waterhouse is kicked out of a gate into a place that is considered not a part of America so anything goes. And by anything I mean cannibals because less than a day after being released she is taken by these two ladies who drug her and saw off her arm and leg for food because dirt people, am I right?!
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Florida Project 2/10
I need to hurry up and write about this movie before I talk it down to a 1. The Florida Project. I was sitting here watching Youtube and being a lonely ass nerd when Cam called and asked if I wanted to see a movie. Of course I did. So we headed to the Arclight and checked out this movie that was done by the same guy that did Tangerine. This was not Tangerine. This is one of those movies getting a lot of praise and Oscar talk but do not be fooled. This is the next Nocturnal Animals. You will leave the theater asking what the fuck just happened and how fast you can leave. And yes there will be spoilers because I am saving you two hours of your life.
Friday, October 13, 2017
Big Mouth 9/10
Jasmine suggested I watch this series Big Mouth on Netflix and said that if I was not into it in the first five minutes to stop. I begrudgingly gave it a try and am so happy I did because this show was so damned wrong in every sense of the word but had me cracking up laughing. I had seen posters for this and ads but did not like the animation style so I was not willing to give it a shot but Jasmine knows what makes me laugh so I watched this entire season in two days.
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Batman And Harley Quinn 2/10
I love how so many people love the character of Harley Quinn and the response by movie makers is to just fuck her up and make her act stupid. I finally remembered that Batman And Harley Quinn was a movie that was made and checked it out tonight. I could have easily missed this and been fine with my life. DC has managed to make a lot of shitty animated films lately with really good art and voice acting. But, my lord, whoever is writing their stories needs to stop. I'm not quite sure who they are for. If it is for new fans then all the in-jokes in this will make no sense and as a fan of the original animated series this was just insulting.
Thursday, October 5, 2017
Shot Caller 8/10
There will be some spoilers, ya babies. Jasmine has been telling me to watch this movie Shot Caller for a while and tonight I finally did and I am so glad. This was a cool ass movie and reinforced my belief that I would not make it far in prison before getting killed for being stupid or killing myself because I love shitting in private too much. This stars Nikolaj Coster-Waldau from Game Of Thrones as Jacob Harlon aka Money. He is a normal ass guy with a normal ass job and normal ass wife and kid. But you don't see that at first. We see him being released from prison looking all kinds of rough and meeting up with Jon Bernthal aka Frank (not Castle) and Emory Cohen from that great movie Brooklyn. Money comes out with a reputation, ends up at a party where a girl gets shot, and goes on the run. This is his first damned night out!
I watch a lot of movies. That means that I watch a lot of bad movies because they can't all be good. A few days ago I managed to watch two movies that I couldn't even finish they were so bad. The first was Patchwork. Three girls wake up to find that they have been sewn together by someone. They each control different parts of the body but can not get along because women. I have no idea how this garbage ends because I think I made it about twenty minutes in before remembering that I have way more entertaining things to watch than bullshit like this. It was not cool, funny, or even interesting. I like a bad film that can at least be funny in its bad but this was not one of them.
Monday, October 2, 2017
Over the last few mornings I have been working on songs as soon as I woke up. I heard on some podcast a while back about how the brain functions differently after waking up. It's true. I come up with weirder ideas when I wake up. Ask me why I'm single. I decided to do some remixes of Michael Jackson, The Bangles, Gwen Stefani, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Ting Tings and a few more. Hope you like some of them. I aso make music for headphones. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
Sunday, October 1, 2017
I was out of the house for a few hours and had to make up for it with something so I did a remix of Michael Jackson's song PYT. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
Friday, September 29, 2017
D & J DJ's has returned! This time Jasmine has brought some Cardi B. and Yo Gotti to horrify me with She also introduces me to For The Dick/Pussy Challenge which meant that I had to make my own version. Click here for previous episodes.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
The Hunt For Red October 8/10
Over the last few days I have been watching a lot of movies. The first was The Hunt For Red October. I was in the same room this was playing when I was younger in school but paid zero attention to it. All I knew was that Sean Connery was in it. Imagine my surprise and joy while watching this with J-Ro and finding out that he was speaking with a Russian accent and sometimes in Russian. That shit was hilarious! This movie was not what I assumed it was about. This dude came across as this crazy ass captain of a submarine but had an amazing plan that should not have worked if not for the help and understanding of a young Alec Baldwin who owned all of the chest hair. Like, all of it. I said while watching that he had more hair on his chest than my entire body. Then it was pointed out that men with a lot of body hair had a lot of testosterone. I then looked at my hairless arms and continued watching the movie. If you haven't seen this, all three of you, check this out.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Lady Bloodfight 3/10
This is how IMDB describes Lady Bloodfight. “A blond American woman arrives in Asia. On arrival she is beaten up by thugs. She asks a fighter girl to train her - but really, she wants to take part in a tournament. Plenty of girls, of all races, fighting action.” By the way, Black chick? Taken out with one kick. She literally has the shortest fight in this movie. Just saying. Full disclosure, I watched this because I thought it was starring the Pink Ranger Amy Jo Johnson. I was wrong. It's Amy Johnston. She's still hot though so it was cool. She ends up heading to fight in a deadly tournament after getting fired after beating a customer up and then doing it again after he attacks her with his friends.
I decided to finally start plowing through my Netflix list and watched Moana. As you can tell by the score I fucking loved this movie. I'm not sure why I waited so long to see this. Hmm. Maybe because it takes a lot for me to get interested in animated movies these days. This is about a chief's daughter on a Polynesian island where her entire life she just wants to leave and go across the sea. Her dad is like “Fuck all that!” while her grandmother encourages her. As she grows up with the water being one of her friends along with a pig and an insane chicken that is close to the star of this movie she eventually sets sail after she finds out that the island is slowly dying.
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Message From The King 2/10
I watched this movie Message From The King on Netflix. I started yesterday and finished today. It was a struggle. It stars Chadwick Boseman aka Black Panther who gets a call from his sister in Los Angeles needing help from him. He heads there and ends up finding out that she is dead. She got mixed up with some bad drug dealers, bad boyfriend, bad movie producers, bad bad men, and bad dentists. She pretty much came to the city to die. He goes around beating the shit out of everyone with a bike chain and moral support from a single mother that gives blowjobs in a hotel room while her kid is at school.
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
This movie was awesome. Oh, there will be spoilers, ya big babies. H. and I headed to the Arclight and got to check out IT. I have never read the book and barely watched the first one because we watched it in class. Yeah. That's the kind of school I went to. I say this to point out that I have no emotional attachment to this movie and no concerns whether or not it was as good as the first or if it stuck to the source material of the book. I just wanted it to not suck and not only did it not suck this was one of the best movies I've seen this year.
Friday, September 15, 2017
Well, it's actually an album of the week. A few days ago I completed a mixtape called Retrograde that I'd been thinking about with songs using sound effects and the themes of classic video games. There is some Pac-Man, some Mario Bros., some Zelda. All kinda random shit. It was fun to do. If you don't like a song just skip it. I won't be sad. Disappointed, yeah. But not sad. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
I decided to take a small break from watching Ozark after this cute woman at work suggested I check out the FX series Legion. If a cute woman tells me to do something, be it watch a show or go to hell, I'll do it. I knew it existed and had zero interest in watching it. Some of the reasons why were because it was X-Men related and fuck that franchise (click here to read my bitching about it) and everything associated with it. Another was that the trailer did not make me interested in even checking out a single episode. I know who Legion is. He's Professor X's crazy ass son who tried to spend more time with his dad so he went back in time and tried to kill Magneto and ended up shooting his dad instead and fucked up the Marvel timeline meaning making it cooler. Why in the fuck would I want to watch a show about him?
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Game Of Thrones is halfway done with its final season and while I am pissed that it's ending I am happy that every single episode has been incredible and useful. Normally they will have throwaway episodes each season like when Bran is on screen for more than five minutes being spooky. But not this time! This time they were like “Fuck everything. People are gonna die. Creatures are gonna become zombies. Swords bursts into flames. Nephews fuck aunties. It's wild.”
Another thing I liked was that they gave no fucks about the next series of books that may never come out and are just writing a show which upsets readers of the book which makes me laugh. Sometimes I have trouble separating books/comics/graphic novels from TV shows/movies but since I have never read a page of the books I don't care but its funny listening to readers get upset. It's cool knowing some backstory to some characters but for the most part I don't give a fuck about the books and just want to watch a cool show and can ignore things like how fast they travel the land. Now here are 10 Reasons Why You Should Have Watched Game Of Thrones Season 7.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Last week I was feeling weird and decided to do a song that has The B-52's, Gotye, Katy Perry, and The Darkness in it. I like the way this came out. Its very loud. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
The Assignment 2/10
I watched the comedy of the year on Netflix yesterday called The Assignment starring Michelle Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver. I'm not sure who needed to pay off a loan but neither of these ladies should have wasted their time making this dumpster fire. There will be spoilers which you should thank me for because then you can spend your time watching cool shit. This is about a hitman named Frank Kitchen played by Rodriguez. You can ignore the stupid name but you will not be able to ignore Rodriguez with prosthetic makeup to look like a guy. She looks like Benecio Del Toro in Sin City but in color which makes it look way worse. She is known for being one of the best killers out there you can hire but for some reason doesn't get paid all that much.
Friday, August 25, 2017
Death Note 2/10
I had photos ready and was gonna write a long review about Death Note that premiered on Netflix and then I realized that it was not worth the trouble. I've never watched the anime this was based off of so I have no attachments to it. I know what it is and the premise and that's about it. Some kid finds a book that gives him the ability to kill people just by writing their name down. In this series this weak ass guy that is supposed to be in high school but looks way older but really is not gets the book one day while sitting outside looking weak. It falls from the sky and a demon shows up telling him some rules of the book which of course he tries to bend and shit. This girl he likes wants to be with him as they find criminals and have them die.
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
The Defenders 2/10
You can't play a Punisher trailer after the wet turd that was The Defenders and expect me to be excited. I just finished forcing myself, yes forcing myself, to finish this first and hopefully last season of The Defenders on Netflix. I don't even know where to start because I have a whole bag of bitching and my gloves are too big to pull them out. Let me start off with what I did like about the show though first. The stuff with Luke Cage was cool. Pre-Defenders stuff. The music was good, the action, the stories. It felt like I was watching a second season of his show which made me happy 'cause I loved the first one so much I proposed to it but it rejected me because I don't have stable employment. Cage, Claire, and Misty Knight are good. But then they decided to go with this wack ass screen wipe to show they were gonna head to another character. Like goddamn Iron Fist.
Sunday, August 20, 2017
I have been working on some more remixes the last few nights. I did a remix of Foreigner Double Vision, Rancid Ruby Soho, and The Eagles Hotel California. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
The Defiant Ones 10/10
Perfect! I watched the documentary The Defiant Ones on HBO Now (which is a great app but set up terribly) and loved every damned hour of it. It is set up in four parts chronicling the lives and careers and how they crossed paths of Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. Also proud that I now know how to pronounce the name Iovine and what the hell a music producer even does. Before watching I thought they were just kinda names attached to things that don't really do anything but lend their famous names. This starts off at the end and works its way back around in such a clever way that I didn't get annoyed that the story switched up.
A few days ago I decided to try making a dance song. Some long ass song where the beat is loud and changes up. Then I found a clip from a song that fit and ended up adding a few more. I ended up adding The Rolling Stones, Beach Boys, and Bon Jovi. Its weird but I like it. Click here for previous My Song Of The Week.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Atomic Blonde 1/10
There will be some spoilers. I was so excited to see this movie based off of the trailers and finally got my chance today. Atomic Blonde is a dumpster fire. If you wanna see Charlize Theron punching people, shooting people, stabbing people, and getting her ass kicked then you'll love this movie. It takes place in 1989 aka the 80's which I was not aware of. That means that every single fucking scene has a new song that starts playing. It was cool for two songs but by the end you start hearing different versions of the same songs being played. It wasn't cool. Speaking of which, this entire movie seems to scream “Isn't this shot cool?! Look at that lighting! Oh, did you see that?! Wasn't that cool looking?! Everything looks so cool!”
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Star Wars Rogue One 2/10
I did not enjoy this movie. Full disclosure and as some of you may know, I did not grow up watching Star Wars. Knew what it was, had some toys, but did not see the movies until I was older and watched them in in order of Episode 1 through Episode 6 which Star Wars fans say you should never do. Too late. I did it. I was also confused waiting for that Black Storm Trooper to show up and then realized that I was watching the wrong movie. Either way I was already in and forcing myself to finish this one. I won't bother listing who is in it or anything like that because I don't feel like it. The basic premise is a girl's father helped create the Death Star, he leaves, her mom dies, she is abandoned by someone that was supposed to take care of her, she is arrested, she is forced to care about the war, she joins the war and helps them win.