The Review: One Fine Christmas/A Christmas Fumble

One Fine Christmas 1/10

L. and I decided to watch some holiday movies and these two were terrible. The first was One Fine Christmas. It was about this girl who comes home from college and her mother is super busy with work and just runs around like a crazy person. Seriously, it's like I don't know why but she's constantly tweaking. The daughter has zero personality in this movie. Normally these kind of films where they have a young person they have them be precocious or there's something quirky about them or interesting but in this film the daughter is literally just a daughter. The grandmother no longer lives with her mom because they just don't get along anymore since the tweaky mother's husband left her.

The Review: Gayni**ers From Outer Space

Gayni**ers From Outer Space WTF/10

Miss Jackie sent me a video on Instagram that asked “What space movie came out in 1992?” I Googled this and the answer was Gayni**ers From Outer Space. I found it on Youtube and will be typing my thoughts as I watch Tiger King style. Let me see what this movie could possibly be about.

Gayjack Movies in the credits? Now they just playing in my face.

Why does this voice over sound like Unicron from Transformers?

The Review: Blue Beetle

Blue Beetle 2/10

This movie was not made for me in any sense. I couldn't relate to a single character or any part of the story. It just happened. This kid comes home from college and his family is being pushed out the neighborhood, losing their home, and are very Spanish. They are Spanish like in 80's film where you watch it now and it just makes you uncomfortable. A scarab attaches itself to him (not sure why) and madness ensues. I couldn't take anything seriously because there was a bad joke just peeping over the shoulder. I even chuckled when the spirit of the grandfather got dusted Thanos style. The villains were like 90's style and cartoonish as hell. Yeah, I know this is a superhero film and that is allowed, but it just felt so lazy to write them like that. It felt like whoever created this was in way over their heads. The more of these movies I am watching the more I realize that I am aging out of them. They are also becoming so specific for who they are for that I feel like I'm trespassing.

Xolo Maridueña as Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle

Belissa Escobedo as Milagro Reyes

Bruna Marquezine as Jenny Kord

Raoul Max Trujillo as Ignacio Carapax

Susan Sarandon as Victoria Kord

George Lopez as Rudy Reyes

Harvey Guillén as Dr. Jose Francisco Morales Rivera de la Cruz

Becky G as the voice of Khaji-Da

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The Review: Spider Man Across The Spiderverse

Spider Man Across The Spiderverse 3/10

I thoroughly enjoyed the first movie. This one...not so much. It looked good. The music was nice. The voice acting was on point. But the story felt so all over the place and this felt way longer than it actually was. I had to spread this out over the night and through the day to finish. This would have worked better as a series, not a two and a half hour long movie that had no ending. Yeah. I didn't know this was setting up for a sequel that may take a while to come out. I should talk about the story. Miles is having trouble balancing being a hero and his normal life. He discovers he should never have become Spider-Man and we get into a bunch of Multiverse issues. People talk about “superhero fatigue.” I am having multiverse fatigue. There was so much going on in this that I didn't stick with any character long enough to really care. It was just a lot of flashy things happening on screen.

Shameik Moore as Miles Morales/Spider-Man

Hailee Steinfeld as Gwen Stacy/Spider-Gwen

Brian Tyree Henry as Jeff Morales

Lauren Vélez as Rio Morales

Jake Johnson as Peter B. Parker/Spider-Man

Jason Schwartzman as Johnathon Ohnn/The Spot

Issa Rae as Jess Drew/Spider-Woman

Karan Soni as Pavitr Prabhakar/Spider-Man India

Greta Lee as Lyla

Daniel Kaluuya as Hobie Brown/Spider-Punk

Mahershala Ali as Aaron Davis

Oscar Isaac as Miguel O'Hara/Spider-Man 2099

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The Review: The Horrors Of Dolores Roach

The Horrors Of Dolores Roach 9/10

So over a month ago Cam told me about this show on Amazon (they tend to hide their best shows by the way) called The Horrors Of Dolores Roach. I watched the first episode with her and was very much intrigued. But then as the weeks went by and I was watching all my other shows and movies and such I kept saying to myself that I need to finish the show and watch it and kept putting it off and then finally within one day I watched the last seven episodes. Each episode is half an hour or less so it really flies by.

This is about this lady named Dolores who gets out of prison after doing sixteen years after taking the fall for her drug dealing boyfriend Dominic. So when she returns home to Washington Heights the entire neighborhood looks completely different. The only place that looks the same is this empanada shop and it's run by this guy who when she went into prison was a young boy named Luis. He ends up letting her stay with him because she has no place to go. She has no friends around, no one in the neighborhood can help her, and nobody wants to hire her because she just did sixteen years in prison for selling drugs and assaulting a police officer. She ends up giving him a massage one day and he tells her how great she is. She we find out that she learned how to give massages from a lady in prison who did not have hands. It's very odd.

The Review: Gen V

Gen V 9/10

This is going to be full of spoilers. I checked out that show Gen V on Amazon which is a spin-off of The Boys. This show is just as crazy intense and at times gross as The Boys. If you are a fan of that series in the previous three seasons it has you should like this show. What I like is that these kids do not think these are god given abilities and know that at some point their parents, for whatever reason, had their children pumped full of chemicals for cash.

The Review: Fast X

Fast X 3/10

So I finally got to watch the last Fast and Furious film called Fast X. I should not have. I know that these films have gotten crazier over the years where they started off stealing DVD players and they reached the point where they're flying off into space. But this movie there was so much stuff that happened that I just could not believe. I'm not talking about actors and actresses coming back from the dead. I'm not talking about Dominic being able to lift a car with one arm. I'm not talking about cars dropping from helicopters and landing on the road and being able to drive perfectly fine. My main complaint which is funny because he was the best part of the movie was the villain Dante. He did not fit in this movie at all. His character should be in something else like Smokin' Aces but in this film his humor and the way he behaved made everyone else that was acting tough and hard seem like cartoon characters. The basic premise of this movie is about family. It's always about family. This evil villain Dante was the son of that dude in Brazil that was killed a few movies back. It turns out that Dante was always insane and this just pushed him over the edge and now he's trying to take out Dominic's family. I don't really have all that much more to say about this because it really was just a lot of action for the sake of action and the movie felt very long because it was over two hours. The twist and turns and everything annoyed me and then the ending really bothered me because they are setting up for another film and I honestly thought that this was the last one. I know it sounds stupid but after ten films I think I'm done.

Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto

Michelle Rodriguez as Letty Ortiz

Tyrese Gibson as Roman Pearce

Chris "Ludacris" Bridges as Tej Parker

John Cena as Jakob Toretto

Nathalie Emmanuel as Ramsey

Jordana Brewster as Mia Toretto

Sung Kang as Han Lue

Scott Eastwood as Little Nobody

Alan Ritchson as Aimes

Helen Mirren as Magdalene "Queenie" Ellmanson-Shaw

Brie Larson as Tess

Rita Moreno as Abuelita Toretto

Jason Statham as Deckard Shaw

Jason Momoa as Dante Reyes

Charlize Theron as Cipher

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The Review: How To Use Guys With Secret Tips

How To Use Guys With Secret Tips 7/10

I watched this crazy ass movie with H. and B. called How To Use Guys With Secret Tips. This is a Korean movie about this assistant director that gets stepped on in every aspect of her life. At work, catching cabs, whatever. One day while at a commercial shoot the entire damn crew leave her after she falls asleep on the beach. She wakes up and there is a crazy ass booth with this guy that wants to sell her a series of videos on how to use her womanly wiles to control men and make herself better.

The Review: Cabin In The Sky

Cabin In The Sky 8/10

I completely forgot to write a review for Cabin In The Sky after L. and I watched. She reminded me and I was like “Yeah, I did!” but checked and sure enough. Nope. This movie is about this guy named Little Joe so you know he is trouble. His wife Petunia wants him to be a better man because he likes loose women and gambling with dangerous men. He ends up shot because he owes money to people that don't play and dies. Some angels come to visit him and say that he has like six months to get his shit together or he will be sent to hell. He starts to clean up his life but on the other end of this is Lucifer Jr. who keeps throwing things at him to try and tempt him.