Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Rapper T.I just got out of jail in time to shoot another reality show. Lets hope its good and-oh, he’s in jail again.
Alyssa Milano isn’t pregnant. She’s FUCKING pregnant!
Britney Spears wants more kids. Okay, lets cut this shit out right now!!!
Oscar De La Hoya is out of rehab for using cocaine, alcohol, and cheating on his wife. Good for him. Wait. He was married to a woman?!
Monday, August 29, 2011
“I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.“ Gunnery Sergeant Hartman Full Metal Jacket
If you don’t know the name R. Lee Ermey you absolutely have to know his voice. This guy even though he is 67 years old and could still beat your ass, your daddy’s ass, and your daddy’s daddy’s ass. Mostly know for his angry ass role as Full Metal Jacket’s Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Ermey was not playing a role. This was what he used to do for real!
“You just survived intercourse with me!!!”
“The player takes the role of Keiji Thomas, a man in a Keikogi and slippers. Thomas's girlfriend, Sylvia, has been kidnapped by ‘Mr. X‘, and Thomas must fight through five side-scrolling floors full of enemies to rescue her.”
If you ever want to know what Mr. X sounds like I can do a great impersonation of him. The bastard can be heard laughing every time you die. I swear if when people died in real life sounded like it did in this game no matter how tragic the death you wouldn’t be able to help but laugh. A loud ass “Boing!!!” and you freeze up like a dead roach.
In celebration of the new A Tribe Called Quest documentary lots of people are making lists of their best songs. Screw that. I’d rather just play them. I play Butter, Oh My God, I Left My Wallet In El Segundo, After Hours, 1nce Again, Bonita Applebum, Scenario, Show Business, Verses From The Abstract, The Chase Part 2, Buggin’ Out, Vibes & Stuff, Footprints, Check The Rhime, Can I Kick It, Hot Sex, Electric Relaxation, and Scenario The Remix. Click here to download this show and here to download past Ross Radio Shows.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
“Mercy…” - Solaris
“I don’t think I have any left.” - Superman
I have to give this movie credit for trying to cram a whole lot into just 80-something minutes. But they did a good job. All Star Superman is a multi-issue series of comics of the same name combined. It begins with Superman saving a ship running tests. Superman discovers a new power where he can extend his “bioelectric aura.” Basically a “Supernet.”
Chaz/Chastity Bono will be on Dancing With The Stars. This show is gonna be a fail fest!
Jersey Shore cast members are mad they cant be on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. “Ha!” animated character Bugs Bunny said.
Trace Cyrus, adopted brother of Miley Cyrus got the cute Asian chick Brenda Song pregnant. If you have not seen what this guy looks like just imagine if an STD took on the form of a human with tattoos.
Robert Pattinson is not a handsome fella. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
“Rise from your grave!!!”
I know I always talk about how awesome the NES was but its about time I show some love to the Sega Genesis and one of my favorite games Altered Beast. This game was really fun and you got to be these buff ass guys who, uh, ran around almost butt ass booty naked and punching shit. This is the story.
“A Roman centurion who had died in battle is resurrected from the dead by Zeus, who ordered the warrior to save his daughter, Athena, from a Demon God called Neff in the Underworld. To become able to withstand the perils, the warrior gets the ability to absorb spirit balls who turn him into an Altered Beast, a part animal, part human creature of formidable force. Between each level are small animations giving the player glimpses of Athena's peril.”
I discuss the Top 10 movies of this weekend, review Fright Night and Rise of The Planet of The Apes, Mortal Kombat Legacy, Attack the Block, a remake of Flatliners and Old Boy, and Ghostbusters 3. Click here to enter The Rant Zone!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
“Hey, guy. You've been watching me. I've been watching you. Your mom. There's a kind of neglect. Gives off a kind of scent. And your girl? She is ripe. It's on you to look out for them because there are a lot of bad people out there, Charlie.”
When someone says something like this to you in my world that means its either time to run until my feet burst into flames or kill something. So I watched Fright Night. I wont even call it a remake since that would be insulting to the original. This was utter shit in every sense of the word.
So I finally got around to watching Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Damn, I need a soda after writing that long ass title. From now on I will refer to it as Rise. This movie is about chimps being taken from the jungles and experimented on. There is a cure for Alzheimer’s that needs to be found, and damn it, we need these monkeys to do it!
James Franco (127 Hours, Pineapple Express, Eat Pray Love) is researcher Will Rodman whose father played by John Lithgow (3rd Rock From the Sun, Dexter, The World According To Garp) is suffering from Alzheimer’s and Will is doing everything he can to find a cure. After an ape breaks free and is taken down. They discover she had a baby that Will takes home. The ape, Caesar, inherited all of his mother’s abilities and is very smart.
Friday, August 26, 2011
"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions." - Jules Winnfield Pulp Fiction
In this first installment of Bad Ass Mofo I would be ignorant, and probably hunted down, if I did not make Samuel L. Jackson the first entry. He is known by many names. Samuel L. Sam Jackson. Sometimes just Sam. Or as I like to call him The Man Who Freed The Goddamn Slaves!
This is what it probably looked like.
Halle Berry and her ex husband Gabriel Aubry are fighting over their 3 year old daughter. “I have a child and look like this” she may have said to the judge. If she didn’t she should’ve.
Lindsay Lohan is not accepting Pitbull’s apology for making fun of her in a song. Just wait a few weeks, Pitbull. She’ll be in jail for something soon enough.
Denise Richards, in line with a string of other bad decisions, is moving near Charlie Sheen. “I give up…” God said.
Alec Baldwin is dating a 27 year old yoga instructor. Looks like she is wearing a Promise Ring. As in “I will promise to bang you three weeks out of the month.” At least that’s how I read into it.
Back on the NES if you did not have Contra you were a sad sack. Besides Mario Bros., Duck Hunt, or Zelda this was the one game you abso-fucking-lutely had to own. Otherwise kids would chase you home from school and straight into your Contra-less life. I mean, who could ask for better role models than these two guys?
Contra is a game about, uh, I’m not sure actually. I should probably do a little bit of research before I decide to start writing articles about shit.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Women in Britain got bigger boobs because of her. She has changed a nation! Esquire named her The Sexiest Woman Alive last year. And if you saw her husband (actor Geoffrey Arend) and how unattractive he was you would lose your fucking mind! I know who he is and he is an unfortunate looking fella. See? She’s nice too.
Rihanna may or may not have a sex tape. I may or may not throw up a little from my nose.
Rapper The Game, after settling shit with the police, is fighting strangers in parking lots. You can take the man out the hood, but you cant lock his dumb ass up for life.
Rumor has it that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are splitting up. As Sticky Fingaz of Onyx once said "B-b-b-but wait it gets worse!"
Marc Anthony may be the cause! I hope not just because dude looks like a shaved Treasure Troll and should not have tapped Jennifer Lopez’s ass and then Jada.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I run down the Top 10 movies of this past weekend, bitch about Conan The Barbarian, discuss sequels to Ghost Rider and Underworld, a Danger Girl movie, a Ouija board movie, Priest on DVD, a new Blade Runner, a Popeye film, a director saying he was born to make a Wonder Woman movie, and cool cartoon themes. Click here to download The Rant Zone!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are not divorcing. The damage has already been done anyway. What with hair being whipped back and forth by their daughter and the Karate Kid franchise being tossed into the ground and pissed on.
Beyonce will perform at the Michael Jackson tribute show…via satellite. Meaning she will not be performing at the Michael Jackson tribute show.
Matt Damon is not running for president. “Fuck!” America shouted.
Ray J who is famous for being Brandy’s little brother and fucking Kim Kardashian celebrated her wedding this past weekend by beating off to the porno he made with her. Stay classy, Ray-Ray.
In this episode dedicated to Nick Ashford of Ashford & Simpson and songs written by Nick Ashford I play Bourgie Bourgie, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, Ashford & Simpson So So Satisfied, The Fifth Dimension California Soul, The Dynamic Superiors Shoe Shoe Shine, Aretha Franklin Cry Like A Baby, Diana Ross Reach Out And Touch Somebody’s Hand, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles Who’s Gonna Take The Blame, Gladys Knight & The Pipps Didn’t You Know You’d Have To Cry Sometime, The Supremes & The Temptations I’m Gonna Make You Love Me, Chaka Khan Clouds, and Ashford & Simpson Solid As A Rock. Click here to download this episode and here to download past Ross Radio Shows.
Now this is what’s called a shitty film. Is it shitty because of the acting? The effects? The dialogue? The directing? Yes to everything above. This was pretty bad all around. A lot of people have to defend themselves against not liking this by saying that they weren’t huge fans of the Arnold versions. I hold no special place in my heart for the old movie or the comics. I liked the cartoon though.
What the movie doesn’t make up for in what is bad it does with lots of Conan screaming orders. “Hey!” Yeah, that’s about it. The actor playing him, Jason Momoa (Baywatch Hawaii, Game Of Thrones, Stargate: Atlantis) is a living mannequin. There is nothing special about what he brings except the fact that he looks the part. He’s actually the least terrifying person in the movie. He was scarier at 12. Speaking of which…
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I would have never found out about this cartoon if a friend hadn’t started posting links from Youtube (click to watch episodes 1 & 2) since a few years ago I said “No more!” to the oppressive cable gods. Young Justice is rare in that it’s a watchable cartoon. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but for almost a decade now cartoons have been utter shit. Many of my friends have heard my tirades regarding the crap kids have to watch. Big eyed girls dressing like hookers, dragons in wheelchairs, and pets getting the Michael Vick treatment are all that’s on TV.
The last new cartoons I was able to enjoy were Recess and Kim Possible (which you should not Google unless you need to see what thousands of fucking perverts have done to a teenage cartoon character).
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got married yesterday in Montecito, CA today. I don’t really care. I just like to say “Montecito.” Sounds like a delicious snack.
Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced from his third wife. She looks like a bad Paula Dean which is sad because the actual Paula Dean looks like a bad Paula Dean.
Lindsay Lohan was at the Kardashian wedding and didn’t make a fool of herself. “This is some old bullshit!” Addiction was heard shouting.
Prince Williams and Kate Middleton have dolls now. His looks terribly creepy. It has total “I own a white van” smile.
Charlie Sheen and his ex wife Brooke Mueller have been traveling together. Maybe she is immune to whatever magical STD’s he has.
I felt like listening to some long ass disco songs tonight. So here's some Love and Kisses I've Found Love (Now That I've Found You), Souvenirs Voyage, Risky Changes Bionic Boogie, The O'Jays I Love Music, Odyssey Inside Out, T-Connection Do What You Wanna Do, Karen Young Hot Shot, Shalamar Make That Move, Brass Construction Movin', Diana Ross The Boss,Taste of Honey Boogie Oogie Oogie, Vicki Sue Robinson Turn The Beat Around, The Trammps Stop & Think, and Earth, Wind & Fire In The Stone/Can't Let Go. Click here to download this episode and here to download past Ross Radio Shows.
Friday, August 19, 2011
There has always been offensive ads. If you go back and look at old ass you see Black Sambo type shit from the 50’s. I’m very hard to actually offend. Things can annoy me. Things can confuse the shit out of me. And then there are things that are so goddamn ridiculous that you cant believe we’ve seen it.
I don’t work for an ad agency. I work in reality TV. There is a lot of hoops to jump through before a show makes it from being filmed to being seen on the air. With ads I imagine they have the same hurdles. So when I saw this ad on Yahoo about Nivea I couldn’t believe this. Not offended. Fucking puzzled.
I like to whore things. Especially if its from my friends and they deserve the whoring. Adrenaline Child: The Best of Josh Smith 2006- 2010 will available September 14th, 2011. The DVD covers his transition and growth as a poet and features behind the scene interviews with him and includes performances from the last 5 years.
I’ve known Josh for a couple years now and have featured him on a few episodes of my Rosscast. Dude is funny and smart as hell. For information regarding the release party click here.
Also follow Josh Smith:
Kim Kardashian is getting married this weekend! Penises will be flown at half staff in honor of this unholy union.
Kat Von D is back with Jesse James. Thank god. These two need to be attached so as to not ruin two other people’s lives.
More Kat Von D news! Her show L.A Ink has been cancelled. “Meh” Fountain & La Brea said.
A comic book was made about Lindsay Lohan. As if comic book sales weren’t bad enough…
Someone released pepper spray into the vents at a Lil Wayne show in Canada. I’m still trying to think of a joke but the situation alone is funny enough.
Julia Roberts was photographed in a bikini. “I’m sorry!” Eyes told Brain.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
In this episode I bitch about Katie Holmes not aging, the Top 10 movies of the past weekend, people posting too many Batman spoilers, Mike Diva and his funny ass videos, The Help movie sounding annoying, and Superman’s strange ass outfit. Click here to download The Rant Zone!
In this summer fun themed episode I felt more funky than usual. So I play some Rick James Bustin’ Out, DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince Summertime, Fat Larry’s Band Act Like You Know, The Whispers And The Beat Goes On, Mary Jane Girls All Night Long, Indeep Last Night A DJ Saved My Life, Rick James Ghetto Life, Wild Sugar Bring It Here, Trouble Funk Drop The Bomb, Gap Band Party Train, Foxy Get Off, Funkadelic One Nation Under A Groove, and Tom Browne Funkin’ For Jamaica. Click here to download this episode and here to download previous Ross Radio Shows.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Hustler has offered The Situation a porn deal. He banged Snooki. I think he needs to use caution tape for a condom from now on. “I agree” every other vagina on Earth replied.
Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are hanging out together. Which means he is inside her right about…now.
Gerard Depardieu took a piss in an airplane aisle. That’s so French! But not very Raven.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is sad people don’t like her new haircut. Hatred of I Know What You Did Last Summer does not. This is backwards.
David Carradine’s wife settled over her late husbands death. Apparently it’s a movie company’s job to make sure you don’t kill yourself whilst beating off. Who knew?!
Kobe Bryant is fighting in church. "Jesus H. Christ…" Jesus Christ probably said.
Back when I was little Mario Bros. was the best game ever invented in the history of games ever. It was on the Nintendo Entertainment System aka NES or as my mother called it “’In-Ten-Doe.” The basic premise is a plumber named Mario and his brother Luigi that no one wanted to be went through a drain and ended up in a fucked up land where turtles walked off cliffs and mushrooms that made you bigger with man-eating plants. You’re fighting for a Princess that may or may not like you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I do know she was in Red, which was a cool ass film. She shooting people and doing spy shit. Pretty cool. Yes, I am aware that she is more than twice my age. I don’t care. Don’t you know me by now? I’d wreck Linda Carter and she’s 60. Helen did a lot of cocaine in the 80’s which managed to preserve her. So if you take anything from this article its that cocaine is good for you. If you’re Helen Mirren. Otherwise it makes you look like shit.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Gene Simmons called Michael Jackson a pedophile but will perform at his tribute show. Good for him.
Hayley Marie Norman, the crazy chick that banged Will Smith in Hancock, was arrested for vandalism. Ladies, don’t write “CUNT” on people’s apartments.
Halle Berry is 45 and looks like Halle Berry. “Just you wait…” Gravity said.
Brooke Hogan posed nude. “That was a waste…” Stomach said as I looked at my lunch that was now on the floor.
Someone married Tara Reid. Yeah. That happened.
Back in the 90's videos games didn't have much blood. I know. Sounds crazy but its true. Nowadays games are literally dripping with blood as soon as you hit the power button. But in the far more innocent 90's (hey, who's laughing?!) you were content with just beating the hell out of your twin brother Double Dragon style for some strange or hopefully watching them die at the hands of crabs or fireballs like The Mario Bros. And then one day a magical game came along and changed the...uh...game.
Now if you just read that an didn't shout it out loud or in your head you are either too young to appreciate it or too old to give a damn. Or dead inside. When Mortal Kombat came out everyone lost their goddamn minds. In games like Bad Dudes and Double Dragon you could punch someone until your hands fell off and there would be nary a drop of blood. In MK (that's what we cool kids called it) a small jab would result in blood loss equivalent to a massive gunshot wound. An uppercut would cause a bloodbath the likes of which haven't been seen since...a large bath full of blood. Yeah.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Spank Bank laws of mine. She is skinny for one. I tend to like women that surpass the 150lb. mark. I don’t even like lesbian scenes in films but when I heard “There’s a scene with her and Natalie Portman…” my zipper parted like the Red Sea.
In Forgetting Sarah Marshall there is a scene where she is topless but its not her real boobs. Ask me if I cared? Ask me! I don’t care if she doesn’t do nude scenes. Olivia Wilde does not get that free pass because she looks like an alien to me. I know she is supposed to go to a dinner date with a Marine just because he asked. Really? Its that easy? What sucks is that I have to apply the HBT (Halle Barry Theory) to her. She dated McCauley Culkin for years. Something ain’t right.
Rapper The Game is starting shit with twitter. Flashmobbing the police is a bad idea. Who knew cops had twitter?
“@TheGame U Tweeted phone# of #LASD #Compton Sheriff & said 2 call 4 internship when there is none. Lg.vol.calls R compromising public safety.”
To which he replied…
“Yall can track a tweet down but cant solve murders! Dat was an accident but maybe now yall can actually do yall job!!!! #iSpeak4ThePeople”
I’d rather someone with tattoos on their face that isn’t Maori not represent me.
Charlie Sheen is gonna watch the premiere of 2 And A Half Men surrounded by his whores. The sales of seat covers, Plan B. pills, gasoline, and matches went up 115%.
MC Hammer survived performing at an Insane Clown Posse concert but Method Man didn’t. “What the fuck?!” Reality was heard screaming.
Friday, August 12, 2011
In the very first episode of The Rant Zone I talk about the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars which includes Snooki, Kristen Stewart pretending to be sexy, Bert and Ernie being gay puppets…or not, the new Nas and Common video that makes pants tight, Sharon Stone being stalked, Kim Kardashian bitching, Flavor Flav and Dee Snider on Celebrity Wife Swap, a live action Hong Kong Fooey film, and the top ten movies of the weekend. Click here to download The Rant Zone.
Yes. I have decided after weeks of thinking to start another blog. This one, like the DNA Show, will focus on entertainment but on a grander scale. I will talk about TV, movies, music, and even video games. I will also be inviting you the readers and listeners to send me articles discussing any form of entertainment. As long as you don’t suck I will post it.
If you have shows or performances you want to advertise or want people to check out, just let me know. I read and respond to all emails and comments personally. Be sure to read and share the previous links from past articles of mine. I hope you like this new site and I will do my best to make sure you are having fun.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
In this old school hip hop episode I play some LL Cool J Go Cut Creator Go, UTFO Bite It, Joe Bataan Rap-O Clap-O, DJ Kool Herc Let Me Clear My Throat, Disco 4 Do It Do It, Man Parish Hip Hop Be Bop (Don’t Stop), Debbie Deb When I Hear Music, Whodini Big Mouth, Planet Patrol Play At Your Own Risk, and Run DMC Sucker MC’s. Click here to download this and past Ross Radio Shows.