TV Slut: Fleming The Man Who Would Be Bond

Cam told me about this BBC America series Fleming: The Man Who Would Be Bond which is based on the author and creator of James Bond, Ian Fleming. This is a four part series that is about 45 minutes each episode. Dominic Cooper stars as Fleming and continues to show why he is one of the best actors not getting the attention he deserves. You may know him as Tony Stark's father in the Captain America movies or from his great movie The Devil's Double.

TV Slut: True Detective

What an amazing TV show! If you have heard people talking about True Detective and how great a show it is, they aren't lying to you. You can keep all your shows about zombies that have no real ending, drug dealers, and serial killer shows that don't know when to stop. I'll stick to the show about two detectives trying to solve a bunch of creepy and grizzly ass murders going on in Louisiana.

This stars Woody Harrelson as Martin “Marty” Hart and Matthew McConaughey as Rustin “Rust” Cohle. Everyone just calls them Rust and Marty.

The way the show is paced in great. It goes back and forth between a terrible murder from 1995 and an investigation in 2012. When Marty who has two daughters and is married first meets Rust things are off from the beginning. Rust is a strange man. He has his beliefs and they are strong and there's no way in hell to convince him otherwise. He rubs people the wrong way with his straightforward way of talking and handling things. Marty seems good at his job but of course as the series goes on you see more and more of what is wrong with this guy.

TV Slut: American Horror Story Season 3

This series American Horror Story manages to test the limits of fucked up things you think you've seen. I have seen foreign films like Rust & Bone where I said to my Camille “Great. Now I can't say that I haven't seen paraplegic sex.” Watching season three of American Horror Story: Coven I can also add zombie sex, bestiality, and ghost fucking to that list. Every season manages to top the previous in terms of messed up things you'll witness.

This season is about a coven of witches living in a boarding school for troubled girls called Miss Robichaux's Academy. The school is run by Cordelia Foxx played by Sarah Paulson. Her mother is the supreme, head witch named Fiona Goode played by Jessica Lange. To be the supreme you have to perform the Seven Wonders which is a series of powers. The problem is when a new girl starts to gain more powers the supreme starts to get weaker. Fiona already has cancer which is messing with her and whoever this new powerful girl is is just making her weaker.

TV Slut: American Horror Story Season 2

If you feel like starting some brand new fetishes then by all means check out season two of American Horror Story: Asylum. Wow. This season was so honked up. Honestly, it took about four episodes for me to get completely on board with this season because I watched it so close to the first season, American Horror Story: Murder House, that it was hard for me to look at certain characters sympathetically. For instance, the kid Kit Walker (Evan Peters) that shot up his school in the first season is someone I am supposed to feel bad for in this season. It took a while before I could accept him as someone to feel bad for.

This season is about an asylum, Briarcliff Mental Institution, and the year is 1964. Its run by an evil ass nun named Sister Jude played by Jessica Lange. She is all about solitary, electroshock therapy, and just good old fashioned beating that ass in the name of the Lord. The patients at the place are controlled by her as well as the employees. She's not even close to someone I felt sorry for until way later in the season which caught me off guard.

TV Slut: American Horror Story Season 1

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TV Slut: 23 Days Of Fear

Last week Cam and I went to see that movie based off of the 2002 D.C Sniper shootings called Blue Caprice. As the days have gone by she and I have talked about that film and we have come to the conclusion that it sucks. Its the fact that it was inspired and not based on the facts and it also seemed to be afraid to touch on the real situations that occurred. So I checked online for other movies based off the shootings and found D.C Sniper: 23 Days of Fear which aired on the USA Network back in 2003 not that far after the real shootings transpired.

This is mostly going to be me comparing the first film with this one. I laughed at the fact that this movie made ten years ago got it right and the one made now shit the bed. Even the actors looked more like the real guys. John Allen Muhammad (not just JOHN!) is played by Bobby Hosea and Lee Boyd Malvo was played by Trent Cameron. They do touch on the fact that John Allen was Muslim which I said out loud “Thank you, movie!” for.

TV Slut: The Amazing World Of Gumball

This past week in Vegas I watched a lot of TV that I never get the chance to watch normally because fuck paying for cable. I watched this cartoon called The Amazing World Of Gumball. This cartoon is the perfect blend of funny, insane, and just straight up nonsense. I’m starting to think that the cartoons that are new and watchable (not a real word by the way) for me like Recess, Kim Possible, Phineas & Ferb, and Kick Buttowski are made by people around my age. I watched it with Christina and a little girl and though they laughed I was dying watching this cartoon.

Gumball is a small blue cat that has almost no self control. If he wants to do something he will, he will never admit he is wrong, and fails to do simple tasks because he gets bored easily. Damn it. That sounds almost like me. Moving on! He also has a friend named Darwin. it’s a fish…kinda. Gumball bought him as a pet but he grew arms and legs and started talking so they family adopted him. Darwin is a really nice and sweet “kid” and will do things with Gumball even though it always ends with explosions or pain. When they cry it’s the funniest damn thing!

TV Slut: Justified Season 1

About a week and a half ago Cam gave me this awesome ass Roku box. You can watch online things like Amazon and Netflix. Its awesome. So while trolling on it I found this show called Justified. I’d heard of it and seen billboards but I’m not that into Westerns so I ignored it. I decided to check it out, and surprise,  its not a damn Western. The star, Timothy Olyphant, just likes to wear a cowboy hat. This is a damn good show that I still have two more seasons to catch up on.

Olyphant stars as Raylan Givens who shoots a guy in Miami after giving him notice that he would if he didn’t leave town in twenty four hours. Well, he shoots the guy and ends up being sent back to his hometown where as soon as he gets there there’s all kind of drama going on.

TV Slut: Hannibal

Yay! New TV show to watch! Yes, I am aware that there are tons of shows on cable that you all love but  haven’t had cable in damn near six years so I watch everything late or at a merciful friends house. I have seen the ads for the new Hannibal series for NBC and I got all kinds of happy and a lot of its due to the fact that Mads Mikkelsen is starring as Dr. Hannibal Lecter. That guy if he wasn’t an actor would surely be on some watch list based just on appearances. I feel the same way about Michael Shannon and Lance Henrikson. 

The reason why I don’t rush to watch most of the shows you all love like The Walking Dead, Sons Of Anarchy, and Breaking Bad is because they are seasons into the series and I hate playing catch up. The last time I did was with Being Human, Sherlock, and Luther. Those are all BBC shows and I was able to low through them quickly since the seasons aren’t 10-12 episodes long. With Hannibal I’m getting in on the ground floor. Ladies lingerie on the second. How did I get here? It doesn’t matter. Just enjoy the view, Susie.

TV Slut: Mockingbird Lane

I’ve pointed out many times that I will openly complain about things without watching them. I decided last night to watch Mockingbird Lane after being super bothered just by the images and the small details I heard about it. They have it on NBC’s website to watch. Without commercials it had a running time of 40 minutes but they managed to make it feel like an hour and a half. That’s not a compliment.

I talked to The Munky about this show because she watched it when it aired. She said that this could’ve just been a whole new show without calling the characters Munster’s and it was true. This could’ve just been a new series that was just bad with a different title. Was the show funny? No. I didn’t laugh at anything. Was it scary? No. Everything that was supposed to be creepy wasn’t and the jumpscares were being sent by carrier pigeon. Was it dramatic? Not really. This show just…happened.

Won't Be Fooled Again: Revolution

Not so fast, television! You're not gonna trick my goofy ass again with the hopes of a new series only to let me down. There's a new show coming out called Revolution on NBC that looks like it may be cool but I'm just not willing to take the time to give these shows a chance anymore. I can usually just go based on the posters if it is gonna suck or if its gonna be a confused jumbled mess after a few episodes.

Revolution takes place in a post-apocalyptic future. Fifteen years earlier, an unknown phenomenon permanently disabled all advanced technology on the planet, ranging from computers and electronics to car engines, jet engines, and batteries. People were forced to adapt to a world without technology, and due to the collapse of public order, many areas are ruled by warlords and militias. The series focuses on the Matheson family, who possess an item that is the key to not only finding out what happened fifteen years ago, but also a possible way to reverse its effects. However, they must elude various enemy groups who want to possess that power for themselves.

Sons of bitches had me until I read that they posses “an item that is the key to finding out...” line. I am so tired of that vague bullshit. I know what that really means. “Holy crap we only wrote three episodes of this because we were hoping for it to be a film and now we have to stretch it out for twelve episodes!” And that sucks because I really do want to watch more TV on my actual TV, not just online.

TV Slut: Sherlock

I started watching the Sherlock series from BBC which continues to put out amazing series such as Luther and Being Human. D & H got me into this show which I had kinda heard about but never made any real effort to watch. What I know about the character of Sherlock Holmes is from random information as a child like “Hat, pipe, Watson, English, Moriarty, some dogs in Baskerville, and magnifying glass” and the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films. So when I started watching the series I didn’t know quite what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised at how good it is!

Sherlock is a dick. Seriously, this guy is not someone you’d want to be around in real life. If you were you’d punch him in the neck. But he is good at his job and has shown that he has the ability to fight so maybe throat chops wouldn’t be a good idea. He calls himself a “consulting detective, the only one in the world.” When the cops cant figure out cases they call him. Some of the cops hate him which of course he doesn’t care about one damned bit.

TV Slut: Mythbusters

I’ve been watching a bunch of Mythbusters lately. I used to watch this show every week including the reruns and it tickled the part of my brain that used to be very smart. They take myths ranging from the nonsense you hear and read about on the internet to old myths such as weapons that supposedly existed thousands of years ago and they rebuild them…and sometimes things explode.

TV Slut: Luther

There’s a show that comes on BBC that is great. No, not Being Human, because that show wrecked itself in season four. This show is now in its second season and its called Luther. It stars Idris Elba as Detective Chief Inspector John Luther. Luther has what some would call “anger management issues.” I call it “What everyone wants to do at least five times a day but cant because jail sucks!”

How everyone feels about IKEA furniture.

The show starts off with Luther getting a confession from a guy that is dangling. Luther lets him drop to his apparent death. The guy ends up in a coma that Luther hopes he never wakes from since he knows that Luther pretty much left him to die. Mix in some crazy broad that killed her parents and the dog and gets away with it and you have yourself a recipe for disaster!

TV Slut: Being Human & An Idiot Abroad

“Oh, my god! There is nothing on TV!” This has been a battle cry of mine for quite a few years now. There was a time when I had things to watch from 4pm until I eventually passed out during the replay of the 10 o’clock news. And don’t get me started on how much wrestling I was once able to watch. I am happy to say that I now have a few more new shows to watch!

While browsing the internet and bitching within my heart randomly I decided to check out some shows overseas. I ended up finding two new (to me!) shows. The first was An Idiot Abroad. It stars associate of Ricky Gervais and all around weirdo Karl Pilkington. This show is fucking hilarious! Its pretty much about a guy that hates everything different and traveling. So of course they send him all around the world to experience different cultures in the hopes that it will change his view.

TV Slut: I Hate My Teenage Daughter

There’s a new show on Fox that I’d seen commercials for and caught on accident called I Hate My Teenage Daughter. I hate to say it because I would love for Jaime Pressly who plays Annie to hate not boning me but this show sucked. I’m not gonna say to give it a chance because its new because she is not new to the TV game. She was on My Name Is Earl for years. The problem I have with this show is that I hate her teenage daughter too. I would like this show way more if it were just about her and her friend Nikki played by Katie Finneran. They are interesting and I was digging the show until their daughters showed up. Its funny because one of them is mixed and I was like “Her mom is super White and yet her hair is taken care of…” which we all know is a lie. I had two mixed ex’s and their White mothers could not handle that hair.

TV Slut: Batman: Year One

“Nothing harms me. But I know pain. I know pain. And sometimes I share it…with someone like you.” - Batman

When you sit down for a moment and think about it, Batman is a creepy ass character. The look. The voice. The fact that he only comes out at night. There is nothing about the guy that is kid friendly. He’s not gonna climb a tree to save a cat. He’s more likely to stare it down. But surprisingly, Batman: Year One is not just the story of Batman. Its also about Commissioner James Gordon and Selina Kyle aka Catwoman.

This movie is based off of the Frank Miller graphic novel of the same title and sticks about 95% close to the source material. Bruce Wayne (I swear if I have to tell you who Bruce Wayne is I’m gonna box your ears!) returns to Gotham after being gone for years. He knows that the city needs to be cleaned up but is not quite sure how to do it. Arriving by train is Gordon who hates the city and regrets bringing his pregnant wife there from Chicago. Gordon meets his new partner Detective Flass who is an asshole jock that beats people up for fun and takes bribes. Gordon keeps an eye on him.

Meanwhile Bruce Wayne decides to try out some training and heads to where the hookers are. He is propositioned by a little girl whose pimp hits her and threatens Bruce with a knife. Bruce breaks him down like a human Jenga and is attacked by the same little girl he just helped! He gets stabbed and is then attacked by Selina Kyle who is a prostitute at this point. She matches him movie for move until the cops show up and shoot Bruce in the shoulder and arrest him. He gets free after crashing the squad car and saves both their lives. He gets home and recalls the night his parents were murdered and says that he would rather die than wait another for a way to fight crime. That’s when a giant bat crashes through the window giving him his inspiration.

TV Slut: Kick Buttowski Suburban Daredevil

For some reason the only new cartoons I seem to like are completely insane. First Throwback introduced me to Phineas and Ferb and for weeks he’s been asking me if I watched Kick Buttowski Suburban Daredevil yet. I hadn’t. Why? I got like 1,200 blogs and a new TV. I was occupied. And half lazy. So today I finally sat my ass down and watched about five episodes and I have to admit that this is one of the most silly, crazy, fun cartoons I have seen in a long time. It centers around Clarence "Kick" Buttowski and the crazy stunts and life he leads. With the movies that Disney keeps putting out you’d think they would focus on making a really good animated film based off these latest cartoons. Or maybe they have like years ago and I have no idea what the blue hell I’m talking about.

TV Slut: Phineas and Ferb

Phineas and Ferb is a show that I had vaguely heard of but never watched until a co-worker of mine Throwback (named for his ability to know as many if not more animated theme songs that I do) acted like he would never talk to me again unless I watched it. It’s on The Disney Channel and the world knows I don’t have cable. Do they still call it cable? I watched a few episodes on Youtube and I am happy to say that I laughed out loud while watching this cartoon. This doesn’t happen anymore.

TV Slut: Mortal Kombat Legacy

It had to have been like late last year when the Mortal Kombat Rebirth came out and I saw it. I watched it and was immediately screaming “When is this being made into a movie?!” I mean, as much as I love the first Mortal Kombat film, it was lacking in so many areas. Still, nothing like watching Goro get punched in the nuts by Johnny Cage.