Tuesday, March 31, 2015

You Had One Job: Jesse Eisenberg As Lex Luthor

I am a generally positive person. I know that some people think that I just like to complain about things before they are released, heard, or thought of. But that is only half true. I like good shit. I love good movies. But I'll be damned if I am not being dared to not see the upcoming Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn Of Justice movie. Why? Its not the fact that Wonder Woman looks like Xena. Well, it kinda is. Then there's Aquaman looking like he belongs in White Zombie. The biggest complaint I've heard is Ben Affleck playing Batman which I am fine with. Dude is now built like a brick shit house. But they have recently released images of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor and I could not disagree with the decision to have him as that character or in this movie more.

Looking back at the films of his that I have seen he tends to be a weasel. Yes, Luthor can be one as well but in a strong way if that makes any sense. I picture Superman looking at this guy and just laughing at him as a threat. There is nothing scary about this guy unless he was walking towards your job with a duffel bag after being laid off. I liked the Man of Steel movie while many thought it was too dark. Now I am starting to know how they feel. Every image for this new movie is a upset looking superhero. There just may be absolutely no humor in this film. Hell, even Avengers had some laughs in it and aliens were destroying a city.

Click here for previous You Had One Job.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Theater Whore: Serena

Serena 0/10

Did you know that two of the hottest stars in Hollywood have a new movie out? Normally when two Academy Award winners who have both recently been in high grossing films are working together in a new film that have worked in a previous film together that people loved (but I hated Silver Linings Playbook) you can't stop seeing them all over TV doing interviews. But not with this film, Serena. You will not see a commercial or anything even though it comes out today. Why? Because it is fucking terrible.

This is based off of an incredible book with the same title written by Ron Rash that came out back in 2008. It is about a newlywed couple that works in the lumber industry in the 1930's. I know. Sounds boring. But I assure you that it is a great book. How come? Incredible characters! The movie? No. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence manage to have less chemistry than a school in Los Angeles. Every scene in this is rough to watch.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

DVDiculous: Single Moms Club

Yesterday my cousin Mala brought me some dinner after I had a root canal because she is awesome. I was flipping through Amazon trying to find something to watch and we stumbled upon Tyler Perry's movie Single Mom's Club. Now...come on. I am not a fan of this guy and a lot of it is due to the fact that he has one note and every guy in his movies looks better than I ever will. Yeah. I'm not using a single image of any of them in this review. Deal with it. I'm also not saying the name of any of the actresses because in this movie they are types.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Max Landis Discusses The Game With Wrestling Isn't Wrestling

Max Landis has done it again. For years now besides writing scripts he has made videos and posted them on Youtube at Uptomyknees. He latest is called Wrestling Isn't Wrestling that in two days has almost half a million views and focuses on the career or wrestler Triple H aka Hunter Hearst Helmsley aka HHH aka The Cerebral Assassin aka The Game. He is one of my five favorite wrestlers after Mr. Perfect, Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Kevin Von Eric, and Sting because of the fact that he has changed throughout the years. I've been watching this stuff for 33 years. Deal with it.

You can tell that Landis really cares about this and is truly entertained by the craziness of wrestling. It starts off with Hunter's beginning as a rich kid. I remember this very vividly and was surprised that it was even included in this story because for some reason this is never brought up anymore. Wrestling fans are said to have bad memories which is not close to true. That's why so many of them over 30 get mad at it nowadays. His corporate character right now is not shocking if you know how he started. Its a natural evolution of the character.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Nothing But Gossip March 16th 2015

Scott Disick has finally checked himself into rehab after multiple stories of his drunken behavior causing problems. The most recent was a tequila fueled night that ended at 8am. “I realize my issues are bigger than me and I'm ready to truly remedy this struggle I continue to battle.”

Patrick Schwarzenegger who has been dating Miley Cyrus because bad ideas run in both families is defending himself after photos showed him getting all snug with another girl. He defended himself saying it was his best friends girlfriend. Yeah...no. That's not better. You don't do body shots off your best friends woman, ya weirdo.

Nicholas Brendon was arrested once again. After destroying a hotel room in Florida he says he has repressed memories of sexual abuse which has led to his drinking and drug use. I sold him porn once.

DVDiculous: Penguins Of Madagascar

I got to watch the movie Penguins Of Madagascar recently and loved this crazy ass movie. I have watched a part of one of the movies connected to this one and didn't like the art style so I passed on it and had no interest in these but after watching this I'm gonna have to change that. This movie had me laughing almost every single minute.

This is about three young seals that end up finding an egg and making it the next member of the team. They end up drifting on an iceberg and end up leaving a circus and breaking into Fort Knox to steal some Cheesy Dibbles from a vending machine and end up captured by an evil scientist that is really an octopus named Dave. Dave hates them and wants to turn all penguins ugly since when he was at a zoo he was the best attraction until the cute penguins arrived.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Theater Whore: Kingsman The Secret Service

Kingsman The Secret Service 7/10

I got a chance to see Kingsman: The Secret Service and if I had known who directed it beforehand I would not have been surprised by how awesome the fight scenes would be as well as how violent. This is the story of a team that was formed to fight secret battles that threaten the world. After one mission in the Middle East an agent in training dies. Harry Hart played by Colin Firth heads to the home of the dead man and his wife wants none of his sympathy. He gives a medal to a young boy and tells him to call if he is ever in trouble.

Fast forward seventeen years to the boy, Gary “Eggsy” Unwin played by Taron Egerton, having to deal with his mother marrying an alcoholic abusive guy and totally ignoring her baby. Eggsy leaves the house and gets arrested after stealing a car from an asshat that threatens to beat him up.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

New Image Of Supergirl Released

New images have been released for the new CBS series Supergirl starring Melissa Benoist. I have no idea who she is but she looks the part. Supergirl is one of those characters that is very easy to mimic in real life. Just slap an outfit on a blond chick and there you go. 

I've never been a huge fan of Supergirl but after seeing how much I've enjoyed The Flash on CW I'll give it a shot. I just hope she doesn't have a civilian life. She is either Kara Zor-El or Supergirl. She isn't like Superman with his Clark Kent stuff. The story for this series seems to be that Kara was taken in by a family, the Danvers, when she was 12 after she was sent from Krypton. She keeps her powers secret from the world until during a disaster she reveals them. 

The president of the CW Mark Pedowitz, said that he is open to a crossover between Flash and Arrow since they are under the same banner. CW is owned by CBS. CBS president Nina Tassler stated “Those two shows are on a different network. So I think we'll keep Supergirl to ourselves for awhile.” Yeah...but no. Arrow got started from Smallville. Flash got started from Arrow. Supergirl needs to have some sort of connection to another show. That is the best thing about all these superhero shows and movies. The crossover. I'm not saying that Supergirl isn't strong enough to not carry her own show but that is exactly what I'm saying. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Way Back: Don Juan Or If Don Juan Were a Woman

A few weeks ago Koko wanted to watch Don Juan, Or If Don Juan Were a Woman. Catchy title with a theme you will hear about 15 times. It was made back in 1973 and stars Brigitte Bardot as Jeanne. She is a woman that tells people that she was a man in a past life. In short, she crazy. She meets up with her cousin while he is preaching at a funeral and tells him that she needs to see him because she may have killed a man. He says no but shows up later at her submarine house because she got that boom boom pow. 

Its funny how when you watch some actors and actresses in older films you realize that they were terrible. They just looked good on screen. Jeanne tells the story of a rich government guy with a wife and kid that she gets to fall in love with her just for fun. She ruins his life and leaves him walking the streets of Paris drunk. Which means he's a normal French citizen. Shut up. Its funny. Next is a guy that is an asshole and married to a young woman. She fucks his marriage up and cockteases him until he slaps her a few times and she smiles and leaves.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Casting Slouch: Lupita Nyong'o As Storm

Wouldn't it be crazy if when they did another X-Men film instead of bringing back Halle Berry and whatever accent she thinks she is doing they brought in Lupita Nyong'o? I'm sure someone just said “She doesn't look like Storm though.” Guess what? Neither does Halle! Another thing is that Lupita was born in Mexico City to Kenyan parents. That mean she's Mexican. Its science. Just like Louis CK. Deal with that nonsense for a moment. 

What always bugged me about Storm in those films other than the fact that she was not close to as powerful as she is in the comics and cartoons is that she was used as a distraction while other teams members did the heavy lifting. While everyone battles they have had her make it hard for villains to see by making clouds. 

Storm is a badass and a leader that gets no love in the films. I think that by bringing Lupita in you'll get the right look and someone that will try hard. Yes. I'm saying that Halle is not trying. She damn near ruined anyone else playing Catwoman ever again. I would love to see what Lupita could bring to a role that has yet to be portrayed properly in film.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Way Back: Sid & Nancy

Koko showed up out of nowhere and said she wanted to watch the movie Sid & Nancy. I'd heard of this movie from 1986 and seen pictures from it but never really had a desire to see it. It was an okay movie but I have a low tolerance for people on drugs. They annoy me. And Nancy in this movie annoyed the shit out of me. This is based off the true story of the murder of Nancy Spungen played by Chloe Webb at the hands of Sid Vicious played by a very young looking Gary Oldman. But before all that....drugs.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

You Had One Job: Aquaman Movie

The image for Jason Momoa as the new Aquaman was released and women loved it and guys were confused. I can be upset about the fact that Momoa looks absolutely nothing like Aquaman and more like Conan the Barbarian or Drogo from Game of Thrones

When I first heard that he was playing Aquaman what bothered me most is the fact that I do not enjoy him as an actor unless he is growling at things. I watched his movie Wolves and it was just terrible. Just terrible. And in that he growled at things and shouted a lot. That movie made less than $40,000 opening weekend and even that was more than I thought that film deserved to make. If you ever come across it on cable you will not even laugh at how bad it is. It's just regular bad. 

Momoa quelled some of my fears during a recent interview were he said “It's Batman and Superman. It's not my movie. It's the first time in history to have them both on the screen together, and I'm just excited to see those two up there. Justice League is still quite a ways away. But I'm looking forward to it. Henry's a sweetheart, Ben is a badass, so I'm really looking forward to when we all shoot Justice League.”