Stop It Miley Cyrus: Emergency Championship Edition 2 Electric Bugaloo

Yes, I have to do another ones of these (click here for the first one). This is almost an emergency intervention going out to not just Miley Cyrus but all the girls out there that are twerking when they know good and damn well they shouldn't. Maybe they don't know. Maybe they don't see how strange it is for them to be doing this dance that when in the proper hands (meaning ass) looks amazing. I mean, I know that some people think its gross and you are entitled to be wrong. As a human being you are free to not appreciate how incredible ass is to me and millions of other men.

Y'all keep reading. I'll be here a minute.

You don't have to have a big ass to twerk. But you have to have...something. Miley has nothing. There have been pictures posted of just her ass from the MTV Video Music Awards recently where she “danced” and “sang” with Robin Thicke. If she bent over in front of me like that suddenly I would have run so fast that I would've pulled everyone out the room with me from the vacuum created by my speed. Watching her dance looks kinda like when a young boy dances like a girl. You know what I'm talking about. Those little boys that you know are gonna be gay even though they aren't even old enough to start liking girls yet. But you know. They gay. Seeing her move like a woman just creeps me out.

Ugh...

Know what else creeps me out? Her tongue. Guys like to act all “Yeah, she got a long tongue! Imagine what she can do!” Uh...finish ice cream faster than you? A super long tongue does nothing for me and this fucking girl can not keep hers in her goddamn mouth. If she isn't making sounds come out of her mouth that is called music she is sticking her tongue out. Cut that shit out, you animal!

And another thing! Her music sucks. For, like, three seconds I thought “You know, maybe its just me. Maybe I am too old for music nowadays.” No! Its just bad. There is music I don't like but I can understand why some people can. But not this dame. She sounds like a bag of wet cats and I know its not my age that's the problem. Its her. Someone make her stop. Why cant she get a throat infection or laryngitis like every other performer. At least a case of “dehydration and exhaustion.” That would be nice.

Just...so much happy.

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned her so-called fiance, Liam Hemsworth. This poor bastard got with her and months later she cut her hair with fire and started hanging with Black people (I'll get to that in a minute) and went all Justin Bieber on him. He boned right the hell out and at the premiere of his latest shitty film they both put their engagement rings back on and took pictures on the red carpet. Look at his face. In every picture he has this face. Does this look like the face of a man who should be incredibly happy now that he is starring in a movie with Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman? Does it?! I looked happier at my grandmama's funeral than this guy!

Now back to her performance. It was bad. I think we can all agree on that. If you don't then you probably haven't watched it. A lot of people, Blackers mostly, are upset with the way she uses Black women as props. Rappers have been doing the shit for years. The main difference is that this skinny little White girl is doing it and that is a no-no. Like I discussed with my cousin Jasmine she has done like many others have and taken the worst parts of Black culture or the most cartoonish parts and dove in face first. Drugs? Check. Sex? Check. Jewelry? Check. Partying? Check. Have I forgotten anything?

Black people are not taking credit for this shit.

But it does seem weird that she would surround herself with these built like a brick shithouse dancers that can actually do the stuff she is trying to, like dance and twerk. Women have been used as sexual props for years and the fact that a young girl is continuing it and doing shit on an MTV stage that they barely get away with on BET After Dark is fucking bizarre to me.

This. Happened.

Miley has already said the line that every famous person says when they have fucked up or are in the process of fucking up. “I'm not a role model.” No, you're not. I know that. People that know better know that. But all those goofy ass girls that think the shit you are doing do and they will imitate the shit you do. So stop it!

Click here for previous Stop It Posts.