Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Spoiler Alert: Agents Of SHIELD "Nothing Personal" Episode

I'm sure that a lot of people reading this gave up on watching Marvel Agents Of SHIELD. I know I did. When it comes to most shows I tend to have a good barometer of the public opinion. I'm like an organic Nielsen box. I stopped watching MAOS (because I am not typing the full name out constantly) because it started to remind me of Heroes where there seemed to be a new super powered villain every week and I was not having that nonsense. Also, there were too many beautiful people. I'm not kidding. There were far too many attractive people on the show and I got tired of it. Even the bad guys and girls were hot. “Oh, you were tortured for the last two years? Good thing they allowed you to do sit-ups eight times a day and shave your chest!” That goes for the ladies too.

The latest episode of the show called “Nothing Personal” was awesome and a good payoff for the past two to three months of buildup. The timing of this series has been synched with the Captain America: Winter Soldier movie so when SHIELD gets attacked by HYDRA in the show it is also happening in the movie which made me feel good about picking back up and watching this show. As you know (or should know) Agent Coulson was killed in The Avengers movie and came back but doesn't know much about what happened besides the idea of Tahiti.

Here come super spoilers!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

DVDiculous: Son Of Batman

I saw a trailer for this Son Of Batman movie and even though I absolutely hate the character of Damien Wayne I decided to watch it because fuck you its a Batman movie. The immediate issue I have with this is that they treat Ra's al Ghul like a B-level villain. This is one of the only villains that know who Batman really is and has walked into the Bat Cave. He is a serious son of a bitch.

Anyhoot, while Ra's' daughter Talia and all of them are chilling at their super evil base it gets attacked by Deathstroke and a bunch of mercenaries. Ra's gets killed before he can reach the Lazurus Pit (it is a bubbly green pool that brings him back from any serious injury and is also the reason he is about 500 years old). Damien goes nuts and starts killing dudes left and right and gets mad when his mom doesn't want to dip her dead father into the pool.

Talia decides it is time for Batman to meet his psychotic child and arrives in Gotham acting all sexual towards Batman before showing him his creepy, new son. Immediately Batman should've been like “Get the fuck out of Gotham and take this obvious lunatic with you!” He doesn't though and Talia leaves him with Batman. Damien saunters around the Bat Cave like he owns the place and keeps pointing out that one day he will (which I laughed at because he totally doesn't...). Hell, even Alfred doesn't like him.

Friday, April 25, 2014

When I Stopped Enjoying Boxing

I was listening to an old interview with Mike Tyson and it made me miss how much boxing I used to watch. Growing up I was into Tyson from the start. Me and my father would watch boxing for hours almost every weekend. Just turn to ABC and watch skinny ass dudes with helmets on or those random times when we would have cable and order a pay per view. Oh, kids don't even know how hard it was to watch a PPV when I was little. Guys would actually have to come to your house to hit switches on your box in order for you to watch an event.

Just had a senior moment.

So one day while watching the Olympics this kid gets into the ring and is just a monster. He wasn't tall or anything but he was built like a tank. Over time I watched this kid just destroy guys. If he didn't knock 'em out in the first round he would just wreck these poor bastards until they just passed out. I remember ordering PPV's where they would have to stack the undercard because they knew the main event would be over in less than a minute.

Of course over time that changed. The heavyweight scene became a joke. Uninteresting ass boxers that turned boxing into contests to see who could hold each other the longest until some fakakta judges had to judges had to decide who held each other best. Tyson went through his ups and downs and left the heavyweight division lacking. Then came Floyd Mayweather Jr.

This fucking guy.

I know that a lot of people think he is the best boxer in the world. He has never lost. Whatever. All I see when I look at him is a guy that is great at dodging people and sucker punching when he has the chance. Can you tell me who the heavyweight champion is? Just say its one of those brothers that are doctors that put on some of the most boring fights you will ever watch. Some say that MMA is what is killing boxing but that isn't close to true.

Boring matches are killing boxing. Even the worst MMA match can be better than most boxing matches nowadays. Even if two guys aren't throwing 'bows and trying to choke each other out there is at least the potential for something exciting to happen before the match ended. But in boxing by the second round you can stop paying attention and talk to whoever is in the room with you. I'm not saying that boxing needs to introduce more characters or anything. It wouldn't hurt, but they should. What they should do is get rid of all the belts. Just start from scratch. There are five heavyweight titles being held by Wladimir Klitschko and two are vacant. There are seventeen different weight classes. Come on, boxing. Be good again.

Did WWE Wait Too Long With Daniel Bryan?

Remember that one time the season one NXT guys surrounded the ring and whipped everyone's ass and tore the ring apart? Then Daniel Bryan took things to 11 by choking out that announcer with his own neck tie? That shit was intense. Next thing you know Bryan is shitcanned and back in the indies. He is brought back and kicking ass, being thrown in tag teams, and eventually fighting his way all the way to the top. He is the current unified WWE Champion.

But did they take too long to get him there? I feel that they did. I have been watching wrestling for a while and am used to slow builds. That used to be one of my favorite things about a good feud or storyline in wrestling. Hell, Sting in WCW didn't wrestle for a year that led to a clusterfuck of a match but just waiting for him to finally do it again made the wait worth it.

Jim Ross recently wrote about his feelings towards fans who appear to be abandoning Bryan now that he has the titles that he has been chasing for so long. Here's what he had to say.

“Amazing that some 'fans' are jumping off the Daniel Bryan bandwagon now that the highly skilled star has won the WWE World Title and the reason is that they feel that the 'chase' is over and therefore DB has no more challenges ahead of him. Has anyone noticed that Bryan is STILL smaller than virtually everyone he wrestles and is STILL an underdog even as the champion? Keeping a fan favorite in varying levels of jeopardy or peril always has and always will. It has worked in films and in main stream sports since their beginning, which is why they keep score, keep track of the standings, and play for something at the end of the year. If Bryan can continue to amazingly overcome the odds and retain the WWE World Title in non fluke wins, when the time comes for him to lose the championship, to Brock Lesnar would be my suggestion, say at Summerslam or even in November at Survivor Series, DB won't fade away. The best pure wrestler in the world isn't going to disappear unless he is removed from TV or he suddenly forgets how to perform his craft.”

Of course I can't speak for anyone else, but I got tired of watching the chase a while before he finally won the titles at Wrestlemania 30. The screwjobs at every single pay-per-view got old. I don't mind watching a guy fight for the chance to get a shot at the belt. I will not say that he has no more challenges now that he is champion. Having him taking off TV for personal reasons outside of the ring by Kane was weak to me. Kane isn't in the title picture. Hell, who is? Orton? Batista? HHH? I can only pray that Brock Lesnar sets his sights on Bryan and they fight for the belt because those would be some awesome matches. But for J.R to think that folks are not behind Bryan anymore because there is no one for him to fight is silly.

Bryan was good before he had the belt. I'll say that the matches he had pre-beard were just as good if not better than the ones he's had in the last two years. That isn't to say that what he's doing is not good, it is just that he had more guys he was facing. There shouldn't be just two or three guys that seem worth having matches with for the belt. I look at the roster and I feel that Cesaro, Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston, anyone in The Shield, or even Bray Wyatt should be looking at Bryan and what he has wrapped around his waist.  

Thursday, April 24, 2014

What Happened To En Vogue?

Back when I was about 9 or 10 years old this group En Vogue came out. I have mentioned before that I never went through a phase were I was like “Ew, girls!” That could be used to describe me more now than then, but at that time I was all about women. Especially in packs. Back then there were a bunch of different girl groups out. It was glorious. What was even better was that they were covered up all the time so when they finally did a sexy video it was like “Whoa! Where did all that come from?!” It made me an even bigger fan. That video for “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” makes my pants tight till this day and that came out 22 years ago.

They have had members leave, come back, get replaced, and make solo albums. The way I used to decribe them when I would say who I liked I would say “The Short One” Maxine Jones. I loved “The Tall One” Cindy Herron. Then there were the other two known as “The One With The Tight Eyes” Dawn Robinson and “The Other One” Terry Ellis. For whatever reason Ellis went on to make some damn good albums and Dawn went on to be a part of Lucy Pearle which was a cool ass band.

Now there aren't groups like that anymore. Girls either wear nothing or they are too young for me to be looking at. What am I gonna do with a chick in her 20's? Have lunch and explain how there used to be one phone in the house when I was little? Yes. That is the answer.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Nothing But Gossip April 20th 2014

Lindsay Lohan revealed that she had a miscarriage during the taping of her reality show which everyone has panned as being close to unwatchable. Now the race to figure out who the father may have been begins and I'm sure some are happy that this chick is not bringing a child into the world. Seriously, that kid wouldn't have stood a chance!

Dina Lohan plead guilty to a DWI and now has to attend 100 hours of community service, attend drinking and driving courses, her license revoked, and have one of them dealies that you have to blow into to get the car started...which makes no sense if her license is revoked.

Kanye West and Common are working together to bring more jobs to their hometown of Chicago. Yay! But knowing Kanye and Kim Kardashian it doesn't stop there. He is in trouble for sampling a song from a group none of you have ever heard of from 1970 that was used during the video shoot for the photo shoot for the Vogue cover that enraged the world.

Kris Jenner is pissed that someone is making pranks using her and her family's name. Things like booking appointments, photo shoots, and restaurant reservations. There are easier ways to get attention, ma'am. Try harder. People are mad she wore this to church on Easter as well. I just think its a bad looking outfit but I have seen far more risque outfits in church.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Wrestlers That Should've Made It

Ever since I was a kid there have been those wrestlers that show up, make me go “Ooh, cool!” and then the next thing I know they're gone. Maybe they show up someplace else, maybe they don't. Either way it sucks when they are gone because they usually bring something new, strange, or just plain fucking cool to the shows. This week I am starting off with three guys who were gone too soon. Nailz, Mordecai, and Kizarny. Not gone too soon as in dead. Just, like, not on my TV anymore. Gotta be specific. This is wrestling after all.


Height: 6'9”

Weight: 297lbs.

Finisher: Sleeperhold(?)

When Nailz first showed up I was legitimately concerned for the safety of Big Bossman. A convict that he'd put away for over 2,000 days was being set free. Not only set free but allowed to compete?! Who was running this place?! His promos were scary as shit with this doughy, large White man talking as if he were taking the meanest shit in the history of shits and saying how he was gonna pay Bossman back. Of course once he started wrestling I was like “Those punches couldn't crack a potato chip.” I still liked him for his look and the way he talked. He was around for less than a year which in kid years is around three to four years.


Height: 6'3”

Weight: 270lbs.

Finisher: The Crucifix

This guy looked cool. It was as if they dipped The Undertaker in bleach. When I first saw him I was all “Next. Heavyweight. Champion.” Thank god I don't book shows because I couldn't have been more wrong. He wasn't bad or anything, but this was during that weird period where WWE was trying to be more realistic and no one was gonna take this guy for serious. He had some squash matches and then in three months...gone. “But he came back as Kevin Thorn in the new ECW, idiot!” says some mark. I know that, dick. But this is about Mordecai, not a vampire who came to the ring with a hooker.


Height: 6'2”

Weight: 235lbs.

Finisher: Tallulah Belle (double underhook DDT with body scissors)

This freak show should've so been bigger than he was in WWE. I had seen some clips of him before his debut wrestling and I liked everything about him. “If I were White, this is what I would look like” I said to myself and then immediately stopped because only crazy people do that. They chewed and spit this guy out in just two fucking months. Two months! The Goon lasted longer than two months and his finisher was just ramming someone into the ring apron and getting them counted out! Kizarny should've been at the very least Intercontinental Champion. His finisher was awesome and so was his look.  

Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Hate Can't Wait: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

When I first heard that there was a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie coming out I was intrigued. I wondered how they would translate the characters that many of us grew up with and loved. Then I found out that Michael Bay was doing it and I tried to through my childhood in the basement so that it wouldn't find out about it. But it was too late. The damage was done.

9 year old Dante is not a reasonable version of me. If you think this version of me makes no sense picture a smaller version of me that has three times the amount of energy and no concept of things like movies not being made specifically for him. I take things from my childhood being fucked with as a personal attack.

Spoiler Alert: Game Of Thrones "The Lion And The Rose" Episode

Oh, Game Of Thrones. You're so...deadly. As you can tell from the name of these series of blogs this will contain spoilers for specific episodes of shows that I am writing about. I have written about GOT more times than I remembered. I have written about The Faceless Man. How this show is full of assholes. How Cersei Lannister was one of the most evil people on TV. This is a damn good show full of a lot of people that look similar (big, White, bearded) so it took close to two seasons of watching before I could start trying to call people by their names. Still I tend to say things like “The one with the beard that is never around” or “The one with the beard that is all about that rape.”

As the show continues you start to like new characters or older ones someone seem less evil than they previously were. But there are some people that are just irredeemable. King Joffrey is the definition of irredeemable. This kid has been consistent in his dickery ever since he first stepped on screen. Some of the shitty things he's done include having the head of the girl he was going to marry father chopped off in front of her after acting as if he'd set him free. During a riot where he had cow shit thrown at him he wanted everyone executed and left his future wife unprotected as he ran away. After being told by his mother that he couldn't hit his future wife he found out it was cool for his men to. During her wedding (not to him because fuck honor!) he played the role of her father walking her down the aisle. Yes. He is the one that had her father beheaded!


Here comes the spoilers.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Ross Radio Show 164

I felt like playing some songs I hadn't heard in the while that reminds me of how much ass guys got in the 90's because they knew a song or two. I play some Joe feat. Mystikal Stutter, Portrait Here We Go Again, Shai Baby I'm Yours, Troop All I Do Is Thing Of You, The Force M.D's Tender Love, Tony Terry When I'm With You, After 7 Can't Stop, Nu Shooz I Can't Wait, Shannon Let The Music Play, and Full Force Family House Party. Click here for this and past Ross Radio Shows

Theater Whore: The Raid 2: Berandal

The Raid 2: Berandal 6/10

If you have ever wished that they made a Double Dragon or Streets Of Rage movie then all you have to do is watch The Raid 2. I loved the first film not expecting all that much from it. The sequel, while even bigger and far more violent than the first, is way longer than it needed to be. I don't think any movie with this much violence needs to be longer than two hours and this movie is two and a half hours long. That is far too much excitement for one film.

This takes place like one hour after the first film ends. I won't ruin what happens for anyone who hasn't seen it, but the main guy Rama played by Iko Uwais needs to rest. This dude has just survived hell and is being asked to go undercover in prison to get some information about a bad guys kid who is locked up. Rama has to commit a crime to get a few months inside but ends up getting years instead leaving his wife and newborn kid behind.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Theater Whore: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 9/10

After watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier I kept asking myself why this movie was so damned good. Out of all of the Marvel films the Cap ones have been the best. It could be the fact that there is no hype about who is directing it. Do you know who directed the first film? I didn't and never bothered to check until I was writing this. But with the films like Iron Man, X-Men, and The Avengers, who directed it has become such a big deal. But two brothers, Anthony Russo and Joe Russo, who have done nothing but TV shows and movies I've never seen managed to create what could be argued as one of the best action/adventure/comic book films ever.

Chris Evans returns as Captain America and is questioning many of the methods being used by SHIELD. His suspicions match up perfectly with what has been happening on Agents Of SHIELD which is pretty cool. By the way, if you gave up on that show the way I did a while back, the last seven episodes leading to the upcoming finally have been great. Cap is still looking at the world as if it is the 1940's and a simpler time while Nick Fury played by Samuel L. Jackson tries to let him know that the world is far more dangerous and different than he knows.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Theater Whore: 3 Days To Kill

3 Days To Kill 5/10

There seems to be this thing where movies that I've heard of come out and have been out and I have no damned idea. 3 Days To Kill sounded like a cool movie so I checked it out. It was directed by McG which made me nervous since he does not have close to a good track record when it comes to films. This movie wasn't terrible but it had the potential to be such an awesome movie. It starts to rev up and literally has to stop in its tracks.

It stars Kevin Costner as Ethan Renner who is an agent for the CIA that is in Paris trying to capture this guy known as The Albino to get to The Wolf. He finds out that he is dying from cancer that has spread to his lungs and only has a few months to live. He tries to get back with his wife and his annoying ass daughter while trying to trick them into believing that he is done with his assassinating ways. He heads back to his home and finds an African family living there squatting. He can't get rid of them so he threatens the father at gunpoint and tells him to not question anything he bring home guys he is getting information from that are tied up and beaten.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Who Is The Best Incredible Hulk?

Everyone knows who The Incredible Hulk is. I'll go out on a limb and say that he is probably one of the top five most known comic book characters in the world. There's Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, Flash, and Hulk. Sad. Just realized that Hulk is the only Marvel character on that list. Not my problem. I decided to take the four live action versions of Hulk and see which one was possibly the best. I say that but don't actually make a decision. That's for you, you big baby. I can't make every decision for you!

The Whole F'N Show Stuff

For those that don't know I used to write for Tha O Show. For years I was able to write about something I have enjoyed for 32 years: wrestling. It was fun but then one day when I went to post a new article I saw that it was gone. During the time I was still listening but barely writing I found a video on Youtube for this discussion called The Whole Fucking Show. This is hosted by Kevin Scampoli and Vleeties. It's funny as hell and covers everything in their personal lives from whether or not to abort a child, stealing your own car back, yelling at old men, and sex with strippers. Or not sex.

I started well past episode 100 and went back and listened to almost every show and just laughed my ass off. One day I was able to call in and get my own Locker Room number. It's #34 which was my age at the time. I called in live, was called Mexican, and got my number.

A few months back I ordered some shirts from the show and was happy as hell with the speed in which I got them and the quality. So far I have gotten a Saved By The Bell, Breaking Bad, Paul Bearer, Iron Man, La Parka, Macho Man, and now a Brock Lesnar and Star Trek one. I ordered the last two right after The Streak was broken and am currently wearing this comfy sumbitch.

I got buttons and stickers!

I have included a few videos to give everyone a feel for what the show is like. Its not just about wrestling like some people think. Its about a locker room with people like Max Murder who if you ever find in the chat room will talk to you and welcome you aboard. Have fun!

Click here for the chat room.

Click here to order DVD's, shirts, and music.

Click here to follow TWFS on Twitter.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Theater Whore: Vampire Academy

Vampire Academy 0/10

To me there's no such thing as too many of one type of film. At one time people said there were too many zombie films, superhero films, and now vampire ones. I say there can be too many bad ones. Vampire Academy is one such film. Saying this movie is bad is an insult to the word “bad.” This movie is ass. Its bullshit. Its garbage or if you wanna sound fancy, gahr-baj. I also need to state that unlike Divergent, I have read I believe four of the six books this movie is allegedly based off of and even considering that fact this movie is such utter bullshit that I don't even need to point out how much better the book is. This is just a bad movie.

A half human half vampire chick named Rose Hathaway played by Zoey Deutch and her bodyguard Lissa Dragomir played by Lucy Fry have run away from school and living on their own with Rose feeding off of Lissa when she needs to since she is a peaceful vampire. The not peaceful ones are called Strigoi and they live forever after killing someone by drinking blood. So you can live a regular life but need blood but if you kill doing it you're a bad guy. Hmm. Anyhoot, these two fuck ups get dragged back to the academy to dick around.

Nothing But Gossip April 10th 2014

Farrah Abraham just can not keep her mouth shut. Vivid Entertainment which is the company that shot her fake home made porno is hoping and telling her to shut her damned mouth. She is trying to write a tell all book about her porn making experience. Hopefully there's a chapter about how bad she is at making porn.

Chris Brown aka From Rap Beats To Rap Sheets is in a jail in Virginia after spending a month or so in a Los Angeles jail. He is no longer on 23 hour lock down which means he gets to mingle with regular inmates. Let's see how this goes.

In other CB news, a model named Stasiya Maria says that his modeling agency is using pictures of her without her consent. I'd be using her for something too. You know what I'm talkin' about? No. You don't. Because I don't either.

Khloe Kardashian is allegedly having the sex with rapper French Montana. I couldn't tell you one song he's done. They have been hanging out a lot and being seen at clubs doing those dances that mean you're fucking later.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Theater Whore: Divergent

Divergent 2/10

I took one for the team again. I decided to check out this movie Divergent even though there are far better films out to see right now but I'm waiting until later this week to check them out. I have not read the books and I am glad because then I can't get upset about what was left out or added. As someone going in blind I have to say that this movie was pretty damned bad. Before I start ranting I should probably say what the movie is about, right?

"Seriously, who are you? You can't be the chick on the poster."

Set in the future where the world looks bland and fucked over (as usual) a girl named Beatrice “Tris” Prior played by Shailene Woodley has to choose what she wants to do with her life. There are different factions and she chooses one that shocks her family even though in reality she is a Divergent which means she won't really belong to any of the factions. She chooses what appears to be the douche faction called Dauntless. They are living breathing Mountain Dew commercials.

Death Of The Ultimate Warrior

When I was a kid I was an Ultimate Warrior fan. On one side you had the kids that loved Hulk Hogan and everything he stood for. Saying your prayers, taking your vitamins, yadda yadda yadda. And one my side of the fence we were cheering for the guy that had muscles on muscles, ran to the ring, shook the ropes, and beat guys in less than a minute. Warrior epitomized what a wrestler looked like in the 80's to me. To me there was no Jim Hellwig. This guy didn't wash off his face paint and go home to a family. When Warrior was done with a match he went to some rooftop and screamed at the sky until it was time to wrestle again.

One of my fondest memories as a child was Warrior making a surprise appearance during a pay per view and my brother losing his shit and gorilla pressing me into the air and coming down on these cheap dinner trays we had. It was the ghetto version of being put through a table. It was hard to not look at him and stop whatever it was you were doing. He wasn't known as being the most technical wrestler or the face of the company. But he was the best, if that makes any sense. I knew that if he got in the ring with someone chances are they were gonna get their asses handed to them pretty fast.

Warrior had his issues with many people over the years and views that others didn't agree with but I didn't care. I just wanted to see him beat people up fast. When he retired I didn't shout for him to come back. He was a human version of a tornado. He came, wrecked shit, and left. That is until he appeared in a commercial for a new WWE video game. I was like “Damn. This guy is still in better shape than I have ever been and he's past 50.”

As a wrestling fan you get used to hearing about wrestlers dying. I won't say die young. After having a brother die from a heart attack at the age of 32 hearing people say things like that take on a while different meaning. Warrior died old for a wrestler as sad as that may sound. There are certain wrestlers that die that make me go “Wow. Fuck.” This is one of them. As my friend Hazel said “There was a little part of me that thought he would live forever, through sheer force of will. RIP.” If you ever watched The Ultimate Warrior in the ring or one of his promos that statement makes perfect sense.

His last speech less than 24 hours before his passing.

No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back I see many potential legends. Some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans. And the spirit of the Ultimate Warrior will run forever!”

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

R.I.P Streak

Last night during Monday Night Raw manager Paul Heyman and his pet monster Brock Lesnar came out to address the fact that Lesnar ended The Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak. This was on the news it was such a big deal. I have heard many reactions from folks about it ending and very few are happy about it. I have heard some upset that it is done. Period. The Streak should have never ended. Some wish that a future WWE star would've been the one to do it. Others are mad that Lesnar of all people was the one to do it. Here is what Heyman had to say on Raw courtesy of Ian Clark over at Angrymarks. Check their site out. It's pretty damned good.

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar! The conqueror of the Undertaker's streak! A streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century, a quarter of a century that ended in three seconds at the hands of the conqueror, Brock Lesnar. I know how you feel, you're in shock, which demonstrates your lack of intelligence, because we hate to say we told you so, but we told you so! My client came out here with a t-shirt, I know it's hard for you to read, but it says 'Eat, sleep, break the streak'. And you have the temerity to doubt the strategy of the greatest manager in sports entertainment history, Paul Heyman, or the physical credentials of the greatest athlete in WWE history, Brock Lesnar!

Let's get one thing straight: Brock Lesnar is not here to put smiles on your faces, he is here to shock the WWE Universe and put tears in the eyes of children. But now that you know all the headlines, let's go off the script a little and shoot from the hip, shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtain at Wrestlemania, the Undertaker collapsed, and as all the paramedics and doctors are panicking amid the chaos backstage, the most ruthless man I've ever had the fortune to meet, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, left Wrestlemania and rode to the hospital with The Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated today for a severe concussion. He came this close to a broken neck, he came this close to a cracked skull, and the greatest thing that ever happened to The Undertaker was not getting his shoulder up for that third F5 because Brock Lesnar would have broken his neck, Brock Lesnar would have cracked his skull. Brock Lesnar was prepared to beat The Undertaker to such a degree that the complexion of this television show would have changed tonight because Brock wasn't done until the streak was dead.

Here's what really gets to me: When the match was over, John 'Bradshaw' Layfield and those other creatures that call themselves announcers, along with 83, 000 other fans in the Superdome-- Superdome, Hogan, not Silverdome, and gave a standing ovation to The Undertaker. Gave a standing ovation to the guy that lost the fight. Here's what I don't understand: Brock Lesnar always taught me that in every fight there is a winner and a loser, and last night The Undertaker was the loser! And the winner was Brock Lesnar! But since this is supposed to be the wildest crowd of the year, you should all feel empowered, because every single one of you is like everyone on the roster: You're all a bunch of wannabes. When Brock Lesnar got backstage, there was no ovation, everyone looked down. Because they know that Brock Lesnar doesn't respect them. Brock doesn't respect anyone, he barely tolerates me, and he's certainly not going to respect someone who's going to fly in from around the world to sit here on the Monday after Wrestlemania, trying to get noticed on worldwide TV! So notice this, okay?

There are a lot of people backstage who think they could be the one to jump from the ring to the octagon, but Daniel Bryan never competed in an octagon. John Cena never competed in an octagon, The Undertaker certainly never competed in the octagon. A lot of people wanted to be the NCAA champion, the Ultimate Fighting Champion, the undisputed WWE Champion. The Rock never pulled that off, Hulk Hogan never pulled that off, Stone Cold never pulled that off. You know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. And then you have a bunch of people coming up to me saying, 'Paul, I could've been the one to break the streak.' Why didn't you? Randy Orton couldn't do it, Shawn Michaels couldn't do it, HHH couldn't do it. They're all a bunch of wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. He's the 1 in 21-1. Are you people saying 'What' to me? I forgot who you are, I'll say it slowly: Brock Lesnar is the 1 in 21-1. Ladies and gentlemen, there are WWE Hall of Famers, there are legends and there are WWE Superstars, and the key to that is that they're all plural. They are all lumped together, and then there's only one that stands alone. There is only one beast incarnate, there is only one conqueror of the streak, there is only one Brock Lesnar!”

That is what is the coolest thing about The Streak ending. It can't be ended twice. In wrestling, like comic books, we see people go away and come back all the time. The problem in wrestling though is when they get a great sendoff and come back or go to another company and shit all over the good they did. The Undertaker can't come back and redo The Streak It's finished.

I remember people wanting CM Punk to end it a couple of Wrestlemania's ago. Can you imagine if that shit had happened? A guy that walks out when he pleases? Now, while Lesnar is not a full-time wrestler anymore it can be said that many guys at the top aren't. They had HHH fighting for a chance at the title and he isn't full-time. Batista isn't full-time. The Rock had the belt and he wasn't close to full-time. I have no issue with Lesnar ending The Streak because he is believable as fuck. Once I saw him kick out of every finishing move from Taker I knew something special could happen. I wasn't 100% sure. When it happened I cheered. As a wrestling fan for so many years it was nice to have something unpredictable happen. I honestly believe that this is why so many fans are upset. They bitch about everything being the same old shit but when something catches them by surprise they flinch like a little kid scared by a hiccup. We have entered a new era and I am fine with that.

Wrestlemania 7: Undertaker defeated Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka
Wrestlemania 8: Undertaker defeated Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Wrestlemania 9: Undertaker defeated Giant Gonzalez
Wrestlemania 11: Undertaker defeated King Kong Bundy
Wrestlemania 12: Undertaker defeated Diesel
Wrestlemania 13: Undertaker defeated Sycho Sid
Wrestlemania 14: Undertaker defeated Kane
Wrestlemania 15: Undertaker defeated Big Boss Man
Wrestlemania 17: Undertaker defeated Triple H
Wrestlemania 18: Undertaker defeated Ric Flair
Wrestlemania 19: Undertaker defeated Big Show and A-Train
Wrestlemania 20: Undertaker defeated Kane
Wrestlemania 21: Undertaker defeated Randy Orton
Wrestlemania 22: Undertaker defeated Mark Henry
Wrestlemania 23: Undertaker defeated Batista
Wrestlemania 24: Undertaker defeated Edge
Wrestlemania 25: Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels
Wrestlemania 26: Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels
Wrestlemania 27: Undertaker defeated Triple H
Wrestlemania 28: Undertaker defeated Triple H 
Wrestlemania 29: Undertaker defeated CM Punk
Wrestlemania 30: Brock Lesnar wins

Ross Radio Quickie Show 12

In this episode I wanted to play some wake your ass up music. Malcolm McLaren Buffalo Gals, Grandmaster Flash White Lines, NWA Something 2 Dance 2, Kool Moe Dee I Go To Work, and Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam Head To Toe. Click here for this and past Ross Radio Quickie Shows

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Wrestlemania 30 Review

For the first post on this new blog I may as well start with the biggest wrestling event of the year, Wrestlemania 30! Now, I have watched wrestling since I was 3 years old which means I have 32 years of watching grownups getting hurt pretending to hurt one another. WM30 took place in New Orleans and featured a bunch of not that exciting matches. I will not waste my time covering the tag match at the start so don't get your hopes up on that one.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Triple H

Time: 25:56

This match was probably the best one on the card. After being screwed over for so long at every pay per view Bryan was finally gonna get a chance to qualify for the main event at WM. I was expecting Triple H to once again screw Bryan out of a shot leading to probably one of the shittiest WM's in years. Thankfully after many false finishes Bryan was able to knock him out with his flying knee. It was like I said the best match on the card but that wasn't hard when the show wasn't anything close to as magical as it should be.

Best Moment: The end.

The Shield Vs. The New Age Outlaws & Kane

Time: 2:57

That is not a typo. This match looked like a replay of an actual full match. Dean Ambrose fought like a child smacking backs as people rolled out of the ring, Seth Rollins was alright, and Roman Reigns was spamming Superman Punches before winning with a double triple powerbomb for the win. Why wasn't this match longer?

Best Moment: double triple powerbomb.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Time: 12:47

This was as expected a complete clusterfuck. You put 30 people in the ring starting at the same time and just prepare for lunacy. These kinda matches don't really get good until there are less than six people left in the ring. Kofi Kingston of course did a crazy stunt to keep from being eliminated but it did look like he was eliminated. Antonio Cesaro ended up winning after picking up The Big Show like he weighed as much as me and dumped him over the top rope for the win. He looked great in this!

Best Moment: Cesaro lifting Show as if he were a toddler.

John Cena Vs. Bray Wyatt

Time: 23:00

As I watched this match I just wished that Wyatt was fighting someone who had acting range. Cena's conflicted with his emotions face is the same as my too much apple juice and I'm peeing out of my ass face. Wyatt was tremendous at the mind game aspect but he didn't have much to work with.

Best Moment: The creepy ass spider walk from Bray to stop the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.

Brock Lesnar Vs. The Undertaker

Time: 25:25

This match caught me by surprise. Not because of the actual wrestling that took place but because The Streak is done! For anyone that watches wrestling having it end is something that pretty much everyone thought should never end. If you don't know what I am talking about I am surprised you ended up on this site. Hello, by the way. The name's Dante. You look great. These two beat the fuck out of each other but this didn't have the feel of a WM match. Their Hell In A Cell match from No Mercy in 2002 (fuck, its been that long?!) was far more intense and The Streak was not at stake. Brock Lesnar won after three F5's and after surviving a chokeslam, The Last Ride, two Hell's Gate's, and a Tombstone Piledriver. The crowd was shocked. I cheered.

Best Moment: The crowd's reaction to witnessing The Streak end.

Divas Championship Invitational

Time: 6:48

Two battle royals in one show? Come on. This match was not interesting. Too me it was a bunch of skinny chicks flailing wildly that all look alike except one of 'em is Black, another is Samoan, and one Asian. What made the whole them looking alike shit worse was that two are twins! AJ Lee won and kept her belt after she made the Black chick tap out. Literally. She took her hand and made it tap.

Best Moment: Wishing I could take a butt check to the face from Naomi.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Randy Orton Vs. Batista

Time: 23:23

Bryan was all banged to shit but thankfully pulled out the victory. It made me smile but if it had happened when I still gave a fuck I would've cheered. As I was watching this match I laughed because Batista has somehow managed to get worse at wrestling. It didn't help me fear his power since his outfit looked like he was sponsored by Now & Later's. Orton was close to a non-issue emotionally to me. Bryan made this match awesome. Triple H and his wife Stephanie McMahon tried to interfere. There was even another referee brought in just to fuck with me. Bryan won, everyone in the crowd was happy, and now hopefully everyone will shut up about CM Punk.

Best Moment: Stephanie hurting her ankle taking that dive from Bryan.

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