Deontay Wilder Makes Me Like Boxing Again

Last year was when I first heard of this boxer named Deontay Wilder aka The Bronze Bomber. Holy shit this guy is entertaining! At the time I found out about him he was already 27-0. He is currently 31-0. What I like about him is that he reminds me of heavyweight boxers from back in the day. He is not being paid by the round. He just goes out there and mangles guys. You hear people say that you never know how good someone is until they are tested into the middle to later rounds. Check out Mike Tyson versus Mitch Greene. Wilder is a throwback to when I would get excited seeing a fighter get into the ring that was over 210lbs.

At the age of 28 Wilder has quite a ways to go. Sadly I can't think of any other heavyweight that is worth a shit for him to fight. Here we have this big monster that only has tomato cans to beat up. And, my god, does he beat them up. You can watch compilations of him knocking out twenty-something of the guys he has fought. That's another thing. All of his fights have been won by knockout. When he puts someone on their ass I just say “Please stay down. Think of your family!” I am looking at Wilder to single-handedly bring back the heavyweight division in boxing. I know that's a lot to put on one man, but damn it, I really want to get back into boxing. Recently he “fought” a guy that was talking shit online. It's pretty damned funny or sad depending on how you look at it.  

When I Stopped Enjoying Boxing

I was listening to an old interview with Mike Tyson and it made me miss how much boxing I used to watch. Growing up I was into Tyson from the start. Me and my father would watch boxing for hours almost every weekend. Just turn to ABC and watch skinny ass dudes with helmets on or those random times when we would have cable and order a pay per view. Oh, kids don't even know how hard it was to watch a PPV when I was little. Guys would actually have to come to your house to hit switches on your box in order for you to watch an event.

Just had a senior moment.

So one day while watching the Olympics this kid gets into the ring and is just a monster. He wasn't tall or anything but he was built like a tank. Over time I watched this kid just destroy guys. If he didn't knock 'em out in the first round he would just wreck these poor bastards until they just passed out. I remember ordering PPV's where they would have to stack the undercard because they knew the main event would be over in less than a minute.

Of course over time that changed. The heavyweight scene became a joke. Uninteresting ass boxers that turned boxing into contests to see who could hold each other the longest until some fakakta judges had to judges had to decide who held each other best. Tyson went through his ups and downs and left the heavyweight division lacking. Then came Floyd Mayweather Jr.

This fucking guy.

I know that a lot of people think he is the best boxer in the world. He has never lost. Whatever. All I see when I look at him is a guy that is great at dodging people and sucker punching when he has the chance. Can you tell me who the heavyweight champion is? Just say its one of those brothers that are doctors that put on some of the most boring fights you will ever watch. Some say that MMA is what is killing boxing but that isn't close to true.

Boring matches are killing boxing. Even the worst MMA match can be better than most boxing matches nowadays. Even if two guys aren't throwing 'bows and trying to choke each other out there is at least the potential for something exciting to happen before the match ended. But in boxing by the second round you can stop paying attention and talk to whoever is in the room with you. I'm not saying that boxing needs to introduce more characters or anything. It wouldn't hurt, but they should. What they should do is get rid of all the belts. Just start from scratch. There are five heavyweight titles being held by Wladimir Klitschko and two are vacant. There are seventeen different weight classes. Come on, boxing. Be good again.

Did WWE Wait Too Long With Daniel Bryan?

Remember that one time the season one NXT guys surrounded the ring and whipped everyone's ass and tore the ring apart? Then Daniel Bryan took things to 11 by choking out that announcer with his own neck tie? That shit was intense. Next thing you know Bryan is shitcanned and back in the indies. He is brought back and kicking ass, being thrown in tag teams, and eventually fighting his way all the way to the top. He is the current unified WWE Champion.

But did they take too long to get him there? I feel that they did. I have been watching wrestling for a while and am used to slow builds. That used to be one of my favorite things about a good feud or storyline in wrestling. Hell, Sting in WCW didn't wrestle for a year that led to a clusterfuck of a match but just waiting for him to finally do it again made the wait worth it.

Jim Ross recently wrote about his feelings towards fans who appear to be abandoning Bryan now that he has the titles that he has been chasing for so long. Here's what he had to say.

“Amazing that some 'fans' are jumping off the Daniel Bryan bandwagon now that the highly skilled star has won the WWE World Title and the reason is that they feel that the 'chase' is over and therefore DB has no more challenges ahead of him. Has anyone noticed that Bryan is STILL smaller than virtually everyone he wrestles and is STILL an underdog even as the champion? Keeping a fan favorite in varying levels of jeopardy or peril works....it always has and always will. It has worked in films and in main stream sports since their beginning, which is why they keep score, keep track of the standings, and play for something at the end of the year. If Bryan can continue to amazingly overcome the odds and retain the WWE World Title in non fluke wins, when the time comes for him to lose the championship, to Brock Lesnar would be my suggestion, say at Summerslam or even in November at Survivor Series, DB won't fade away. The best pure wrestler in the world isn't going to disappear unless he is removed from TV or he suddenly forgets how to perform his craft.”

Of course I can't speak for anyone else, but I got tired of watching the chase a while before he finally won the titles at Wrestlemania 30. The screwjobs at every single pay-per-view got old. I don't mind watching a guy fight for the chance to get a shot at the belt. I will not say that he has no more challenges now that he is champion. Having him taking off TV for personal reasons outside of the ring by Kane was weak to me. Kane isn't in the title picture. Hell, who is? Orton? Batista? HHH? I can only pray that Brock Lesnar sets his sights on Bryan and they fight for the belt because those would be some awesome matches. But for J.R to think that folks are not behind Bryan anymore because there is no one for him to fight is silly.

Bryan was good before he had the belt. I'll say that the matches he had pre-beard were just as good if not better than the ones he's had in the last two years. That isn't to say that what he's doing is not good, it is just that he had more guys he was facing. There shouldn't be just two or three guys that seem worth having matches with for the belt. I look at the roster and I feel that Cesaro, Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston, anyone in The Shield, or even Bray Wyatt should be looking at Bryan and what he has wrapped around his waist.  

Wrestlers That Should've Made It

Ever since I was a kid there have been those wrestlers that show up, make me go “Ooh, cool!” and then the next thing I know they're gone. Maybe they show up someplace else, maybe they don't. Either way it sucks when they are gone because they usually bring something new, strange, or just plain fucking cool to the shows. This week I am starting off with three guys who were gone too soon. Nailz, Mordecai, and Kizarny. Not gone too soon as in dead. Just, like, not on my TV anymore. Gotta be specific. This is wrestling after all.

Nailz

Height: 6'9”

Weight: 297lbs.

Finisher: Sleeperhold(?)

When Nailz first showed up I was legitimately concerned for the safety of Big Bossman. A convict that he'd put away for over 2,000 days was being set free. Not only set free but allowed to compete?! Who was running this place?! His promos were scary as shit with this doughy, large White man talking as if he were taking the meanest shit in the history of shits and saying how he was gonna pay Bossman back. Of course once he started wrestling I was like “Those punches couldn't crack a potato chip.” I still liked him for his look and the way he talked. He was around for less than a year which in kid years is around three to four years.

Mordecai

Height: 6'3”

Weight: 270lbs.

Finisher: The Crucifix

This guy looked cool. It was as if they dipped The Undertaker in bleach. When I first saw him I was all “Next. Heavyweight. Champion.” Thank god I don't book shows because I couldn't have been more wrong. He wasn't bad or anything, but this was during that weird period where WWE was trying to be more realistic and no one was gonna take this guy for serious. He had some squash matches and then in three months...gone. “But he came back as Kevin Thorn in the new ECW, idiot!” says some mark. I know that, dick. But this is about Mordecai, not a vampire who came to the ring with a hooker.

Kizarny

Height: 6'2”

Weight: 235lbs.

Finisher: Tallulah Belle (double underhook DDT with body scissors)

This freak show should've so been bigger than he was in WWE. I had seen some clips of him before his debut wrestling and I liked everything about him. “If I were White, this is what I would look like” I said to myself and then immediately stopped because only crazy people do that. They chewed and spit this guy out in just two fucking months. Two months! The Goon lasted longer than two months and his finisher was just ramming someone into the ring apron and getting them counted out! Kizarny should've been at the very least Intercontinental Champion. His finisher was awesome and so was his look.  

The Whole F'N Show Stuff

For those that don't know I used to write for Tha O Show. For years I was able to write about something I have enjoyed for 32 years: wrestling. It was fun but then one day when I went to post a new article I saw that it was gone. During the time I was still listening but barely writing I found a video on Youtube for this discussion called The Whole Fucking Show. This is hosted by Kevin Scampoli and Vleeties. It's funny as hell and covers everything in their personal lives from whether or not to abort a child, stealing your own car back, yelling at old men, and sex with strippers. Or not sex.

I started well past episode 100 and went back and listened to almost every show and just laughed my ass off. One day I was able to call in and get my own Locker Room number. It's #34 which was my age at the time. I called in live, was called Mexican, and got my number.

A few months back I ordered some shirts from the show and was happy as hell with the speed in which I got them and the quality. So far I have gotten a Saved By The Bell, Breaking Bad, Paul Bearer, Iron Man, La Parka, Macho Man, and now a Brock Lesnar and Star Trek one. I ordered the last two right after The Streak was broken and am currently wearing this comfy sumbitch.

I got buttons and stickers!

I have included a few videos to give everyone a feel for what the show is like. Its not just about wrestling like some people think. Its about a locker room with people like Max Murder who if you ever find in the chat room will talk to you and welcome you aboard. Have fun!

Click here for the chat room.

Click here to order DVD's, shirts, and music.

Click here to follow TWFS on Twitter.

Death Of The Ultimate Warrior

When I was a kid I was an Ultimate Warrior fan. On one side you had the kids that loved Hulk Hogan and everything he stood for. Saying your prayers, taking your vitamins, yadda yadda yadda. And one my side of the fence we were cheering for the guy that had muscles on muscles, ran to the ring, shook the ropes, and beat guys in less than a minute. Warrior epitomized what a wrestler looked like in the 80's to me. To me there was no Jim Hellwig. This guy didn't wash off his face paint and go home to a family. When Warrior was done with a match he went to some rooftop and screamed at the sky until it was time to wrestle again.

One of my fondest memories as a child was Warrior making a surprise appearance during a pay per view and my brother losing his shit and gorilla pressing me into the air and coming down on these cheap dinner trays we had. It was the ghetto version of being put through a table. It was hard to not look at him and stop whatever it was you were doing. He wasn't known as being the most technical wrestler or the face of the company. But he was the best, if that makes any sense. I knew that if he got in the ring with someone chances are they were gonna get their asses handed to them pretty fast.

Warrior had his issues with many people over the years and views that others didn't agree with but I didn't care. I just wanted to see him beat people up fast. When he retired I didn't shout for him to come back. He was a human version of a tornado. He came, wrecked shit, and left. That is until he appeared in a commercial for a new WWE video game. I was like “Damn. This guy is still in better shape than I have ever been and he's past 50.”

As a wrestling fan you get used to hearing about wrestlers dying. I won't say die young. After having a brother die from a heart attack at the age of 32 hearing people say things like that take on a while different meaning. Warrior died old for a wrestler as sad as that may sound. There are certain wrestlers that die that make me go “Wow. Fuck.” This is one of them. As my friend Hazel said “There was a little part of me that thought he would live forever, through sheer force of will. RIP.” If you ever watched The Ultimate Warrior in the ring or one of his promos that statement makes perfect sense.

His last speech less than 24 hours before his passing.

“No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back I see many potential legends. Some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans. And the spirit of the Ultimate Warrior will run forever!”

R.I.P Streak

Last night during Monday Night Raw manager Paul Heyman and his pet monster Brock Lesnar came out to address the fact that Lesnar ended The Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak. This was on the news it was such a big deal. I have heard many reactions from folks about it ending and very few are happy about it. I have heard some upset that it is done. Period. The Streak should have never ended. Some wish that a future WWE star would've been the one to do it. Others are mad that Lesnar of all people was the one to do it. Here is what Heyman had to say on Raw courtesy of Ian Clark over at Angrymarks. Check their site out. It's pretty damned good.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar! The conqueror of the Undertaker's streak! A streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century, a quarter of a century that ended in three seconds at the hands of the conqueror, Brock Lesnar. I know how you feel, you're in shock, which demonstrates your lack of intelligence, because we hate to say we told you so, but we told you so! My client came out here with a t-shirt, I know it's hard for you to read, but it says 'Eat, sleep, break the streak'. And you have the temerity to doubt the strategy of the greatest manager in sports entertainment history, Paul Heyman, or the physical credentials of the greatest athlete in WWE history, Brock Lesnar!

Let's get one thing straight: Brock Lesnar is not here to put smiles on your faces, he is here to shock the WWE Universe and put tears in the eyes of children. But now that you know all the headlines, let's go off the script a little and shoot from the hip, shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtain at Wrestlemania, the Undertaker collapsed, and as all the paramedics and doctors are panicking amid the chaos backstage, the most ruthless man I've ever had the fortune to meet, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, left Wrestlemania and rode to the hospital with The Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated today for a severe concussion. He came this close to a broken neck, he came this close to a cracked skull, and the greatest thing that ever happened to The Undertaker was not getting his shoulder up for that third F5 because Brock Lesnar would have broken his neck, Brock Lesnar would have cracked his skull. Brock Lesnar was prepared to beat The Undertaker to such a degree that the complexion of this television show would have changed tonight because Brock wasn't done until the streak was dead.

Here's what really gets to me: When the match was over, John 'Bradshaw' Layfield and those other creatures that call themselves announcers, along with 83, 000 other fans in the Superdome-- Superdome, Hogan, not Silverdome, and gave a standing ovation to The Undertaker. Gave a standing ovation to the guy that lost the fight. Here's what I don't understand: Brock Lesnar always taught me that in every fight there is a winner and a loser, and last night The Undertaker was the loser! And the winner was Brock Lesnar! But since this is supposed to be the wildest crowd of the year, you should all feel empowered, because every single one of you is like everyone on the roster: You're all a bunch of wannabes. When Brock Lesnar got backstage, there was no ovation, everyone looked down. Because they know that Brock Lesnar doesn't respect them. Brock doesn't respect anyone, he barely tolerates me, and he's certainly not going to respect someone who's going to fly in from around the world to sit here on the Monday after Wrestlemania, trying to get noticed on worldwide TV! So notice this, okay?

There are a lot of people backstage who think they could be the one to jump from the ring to the octagon, but Daniel Bryan never competed in an octagon. John Cena never competed in an octagon, The Undertaker certainly never competed in the octagon. A lot of people wanted to be the NCAA champion, the Ultimate Fighting Champion, the undisputed WWE Champion. The Rock never pulled that off, Hulk Hogan never pulled that off, Stone Cold never pulled that off. You know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. And then you have a bunch of people coming up to me saying, 'Paul, I could've been the one to break the streak.' Why didn't you? Randy Orton couldn't do it, Shawn Michaels couldn't do it, HHH couldn't do it. They're all a bunch of wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. He's the 1 in 21-1. Are you people saying 'What' to me? I forgot who you are, I'll say it slowly: Brock Lesnar is the 1 in 21-1. Ladies and gentlemen, there are WWE Hall of Famers, there are legends and there are WWE Superstars, and the key to that is that they're all plural. They are all lumped together, and then there's only one that stands alone. There is only one beast incarnate, there is only one conqueror of the streak, there is only one Brock Lesnar!”

That is what is the coolest thing about The Streak ending. It can't be ended twice. In wrestling, like comic books, we see people go away and come back all the time. The problem in wrestling though is when they get a great sendoff and come back or go to another company and shit all over the good they did. The Undertaker can't come back and redo The Streak It's finished.

I remember people wanting CM Punk to end it a couple of Wrestlemania's ago. Can you imagine if that shit had happened? A guy that walks out when he pleases? Now, while Lesnar is not a full-time wrestler anymore it can be said that many guys at the top aren't. They had HHH fighting for a chance at the title and he isn't full-time. Batista isn't full-time. The Rock had the belt and he wasn't close to full-time. I have no issue with Lesnar ending The Streak because he is believable as fuck. Once I saw him kick out of every finishing move from Taker I knew something special could happen. I wasn't 100% sure. When it happened I cheered. As a wrestling fan for so many years it was nice to have something unpredictable happen. I honestly believe that this is why so many fans are upset. They bitch about everything being the same old shit but when something catches them by surprise they flinch like a little kid scared by a hiccup. We have entered a new era and I am fine with that.

Wrestlemania 7: Undertaker defeated Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka

Wrestlemania 8: Undertaker defeated Jake “The Snake” Roberts

Wrestlemania 9: Undertaker defeated Giant Gonzalez

Wrestlemania 11: Undertaker defeated King Kong Bundy

Wrestlemania 12: Undertaker defeated Diesel

Wrestlemania 13: Undertaker defeated Sycho Sid

Wrestlemania 14: Undertaker defeated Kane

Wrestlemania 15: Undertaker defeated Big Boss Man

Wrestlemania 17: Undertaker defeated Triple H

Wrestlemania 18: Undertaker defeated Ric Flair

Wrestlemania 19: Undertaker defeated Big Show and A-Train

Wrestlemania 20: Undertaker defeated Kane

Wrestlemania 21: Undertaker defeated Randy Orton

Wrestlemania 22: Undertaker defeated Mark Henry

Wrestlemania 23: Undertaker defeated Batista

Wrestlemania 24: Undertaker defeated Edge

Wrestlemania 25: Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels

Wrestlemania 26: Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels

Wrestlemania 27: Undertaker defeated Triple H

Wrestlemania 28: Undertaker defeated Triple H 

Wrestlemania 29: Undertaker defeated CM Punk
Wrestlemania 30: Brock Lesnar wins

Wrestlemania 30 Review

For the first post on this new blog I may as well start with the biggest wrestling event of the year, Wrestlemania 30! Now, I have watched wrestling since I was 3 years old which means I have 32 years of watching grownups getting hurt pretending to hurt one another. WM30 took place in New Orleans and featured a bunch of not that exciting matches. I will not waste my time covering the tag match at the start so don't get your hopes up on that one.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Triple H

Time: 25:56

This match was probably the best one on the card. After being screwed over for so long at every pay per view Bryan was finally gonna get a chance to qualify for the main event at WM. I was expecting Triple H to once again screw Bryan out of a shot leading to probably one of the shittiest WM's in years. Thankfully after many false finishes Bryan was able to knock him out with his flying knee. It was like I said the best match on the card but that wasn't hard when the show wasn't anything close to as magical as it should be.

Best Moment: The end.

The Shield Vs. The New Age Outlaws & Kane

Time: 2:57

That is not a typo. This match looked like a replay of an actual full match. Dean Ambrose fought like a child smacking backs as people rolled out of the ring, Seth Rollins was alright, and Roman Reigns was spamming Superman Punches before winning with a double triple powerbomb for the win. Why wasn't this match longer?

Best Moment: double triple powerbomb.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Time: 12:47

This was as expected a complete clusterfuck. You put 30 people in the ring starting at the same time and just prepare for lunacy. These kinda matches don't really get good until there are less than six people left in the ring. Kofi Kingston of course did a crazy stunt to keep from being eliminated but it did look like he was eliminated. Antonio Cesaro ended up winning after picking up The Big Show like he weighed as much as me and dumped him over the top rope for the win. He looked great in this!

Best Moment: Cesaro lifting Show as if he were a toddler.

John Cena Vs. Bray Wyatt

Time: 23:00

As I watched this match I just wished that Wyatt was fighting someone who had acting range. Cena's conflicted with his emotions face is the same as my too much apple juice and I'm peeing out of my ass face. Wyatt was tremendous at the mind game aspect but he didn't have much to work with.

Best Moment: The creepy ass spider walk from Bray to stop the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.

Brock Lesnar Vs. The Undertaker

Time: 25:25

This match caught me by surprise. Not because of the actual wrestling that took place but because The Streak is done! For anyone that watches wrestling having it end is something that pretty much everyone thought should never end. If you don't know what I am talking about I am surprised you ended up on this site. Hello, by the way. The name's Dante. You look great. These two beat the fuck out of each other but this didn't have the feel of a WM match. Their Hell In A Cell match from No Mercy in 2002 (fuck, its been that long?!) was far more intense and The Streak was not at stake. Brock Lesnar won after three F5's and after surviving a chokeslam, The Last Ride, two Hell's Gate's, and a Tombstone Piledriver. The crowd was shocked. I cheered.

Best Moment: The crowd's reaction to witnessing The Streak end.

Divas Championship Invitational

Time: 6:48

Two battle royals in one show? Come on. This match was not interesting. Too me it was a bunch of skinny chicks flailing wildly that all look alike except one of 'em is Black, another is Samoan, and one Asian. What made the whole them looking alike shit worse was that two are twins! AJ Lee won and kept her belt after she made the Black chick tap out. Literally. She took her hand and made it tap.

Best Moment: Wishing I could take a butt check to the face from Naomi.

Daniel Bryan Vs. Randy Orton Vs. Batista

Time: 23:23

Bryan was all banged to shit but thankfully pulled out the victory. It made me smile but if it had happened when I still gave a fuck I would've cheered. As I was watching this match I laughed because Batista has somehow managed to get worse at wrestling. It didn't help me fear his power since his outfit looked like he was sponsored by Now & Later's. Orton was close to a non-issue emotionally to me. Bryan made this match awesome. Triple H and his wife Stephanie McMahon tried to interfere. There was even another referee brought in just to fuck with me. Bryan won, everyone in the crowd was happy, and now hopefully everyone will shut up about CM Punk.

Best Moment: Stephanie hurting her ankle taking that dive from Bryan.

Follow me on Twitter @season_premiere

What About Chris Hero?

I'm a huge fan of Chris Hero formerly known as Cassius Ohno. Everyone is sitting around debating whether or not CM Punk is staying or going, meanwhile WWE had one of the best guys in wrestling in their hands and let him slip through. There's no definitive explanations as to why he was released. There have been speculations such as he was just not a good fit, bad attitude, to his conditioning. Either way it sucks for fans that wanted to see him in WWE. 

Hero rose through the indies with all of the guys that are being praised as the ones putting on the best matches and the future of wrestling right now such as Punk, Daniel Bryan, Sami Zayn, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and his former tag team partner Antonio Cesaro. I didn't mention Roman Reigns because unlike most people I'm not allowing myself to be tricked into falling for this guy. He isn't an indie guy. He never was. He went from college football to a deal with WWE. It doesn't hurt that he's a part of the Anoa'i family. In less than two years he'll be in Hollywood so enjoy him while you can.

If you've never watched a Hero match go and find some of them online. His stuff from Ring Of Honor is good but I prefer his Pro Wrestling Guerrilla stuff. PWG is slept on when it shouldn't be. I'm going to try my damnedest to see some of their shows this year since its here in California. Hero has the ability to play all kinds of roles ranging from bad guy to super baby face. He's athletic, does hardcore when he needs to, and has finishers for days. Whenever I have a wrestling game he's one of the first people I always create.

This is a guy that has been wrestling for years and has such passion for it. He loves to wrestle and you can see it. So what if he doesn't have abs or a deep tan. He's good at what he does. He was one half of the Kings Of Wrestling. Meanwhile everyone is crying over Punk, a guy that if he worked at my job I'd beg for him to quit. Here's this dude that is always on the verge of quitting, never seems happy unless he is getting his way 100%, and is talked about more for his talking than his actual wrestling skills. Speaking of his wrestling skills...

KENTA! Why isn't anyone talking about the fact that Punk took his entire signature moveset and finisher from him?! But KENTA does it better. Fuck, that guy is good. But I digress. I actually wish Hero the best in his future endeavors. Watching him wrestling is fun. I don't think of any backstage drama, who he is banging, or wonder what he is doing outside of the ring.

The Classics Part 9

Back when I was around ten years old I was sitting at home watching an episode of Superstars on a Saturday morning as I usually did. On this particular episode I had my mind blown by a situation involving John Tenta also known as Earthquake. This was back in the day when the audience barely brought signs and the only time fans were brought into the ring was when Ted DiBiase would offer money for things (fact: a young Rob Van Dam was one of these fans and kissed some sweaty ass just wrestled feet for a hundred bucks) or when Rick Rude would jam his tongue down some woman's throat.

So The Ultimate Warrior, Dino Bravo, and Jimmy Hart are in the ring doing what was cool back then but makes me groan now which were tests of strength. Tests of strength, pregnancies, and weddings never work out in wrestling. Now, in my house you were either a Hulk Hogan guy or a Warrior guy. My oldest brother was a Warrior guy as well as me, so when Hart called this big ass dude into the ring to sit on the back's of Bravo and Warrior we knew Warrior would win because fuck you its The Ultimate Warrior. This guy could do anything.

So this guy, John, gets on Bravo's back and I'm shouting “He isn't sitting all the way! He's cheating!” “Mean” Gene is there in the ring and everyone is amazed. Next it was Warrior's turn. John gets on his back and then just drops! I get all emotional and shit channeling my inner Jim Ross. “Oh, my god! He's been broken in half!”

Next comes the beatdown of Warrior, Okurland bounces out the ring not even trying to offer help, and a young me is wondering why security is letting this fat dude out of the audience beat up a wrestler. “That's not fair! There's two of 'em!” I'm shouting and my brother is just shaking his head probably wondering why he decided to share the gift of wrestling with me.

Next thing you know this guy from the crowd gets a name and outfit and becomes Earthquake which made me smile because I was born and raised in Los Angeles. His finisher is a simple leap into the air and dropping all his weight on someone laying in the ring. Sounds lame by today's standards but so does Hogan's legdrop. Its all about who is doing it. In this case it was a large Canadian man.

Earthquake went on to have a pretty good career. Lots of non-wrestling fans actually know of him as Earthquake and will ask what happened to him. He sadly passed away from cancer a few years back but will always have a place in my heart as the guy that traumatized me when he jumped onto Jake “The Snake” Roberts bag, squashing his snake Damien. Seriously. 

Is This What You Wanted?

Is this what you all wanted? Daniel Bryan floundering in a upcoming tag team with CM Punk? This can’t be what you all wanted. These two were arguably involved in the top feuds in WWE in the past possibly two years and they are each now working together to fight the powers that be. With Punk I’m not really all that upset with whatever happens to him anymore. Punk’s DVD actually made me like him even less. But Bryan pisses me off because he made me enjoy watching wrestling again after many months of just watching Dolph Zigglerflying around the ring clips. Damn, that man can make any move look painful.

Bryan was picked by John Cena to face him for the title which led to Vince McMahon saying that he didn’t deserve such a shot and HHH supporting Bryan. It was awesome. Bryan was putting on great matches weekly and even managed to make Ryback cool again. Seriously, Ryback is not all that awesome anymore. But this isn’t about him. Its about Bryan being turned into just another wrestler I used to enjoy watching.

So Bryan faces Cena at Summerslam, and goddamn, it was great! The match had moments where I was screaming at Cena “Tap you son of a bitch! I wanna watch wrestling again!” Then he wouldn’t and I’d go “Of course you won't tap, you asshole!” So when Bryan won I lost it. I seriously lost my shit.

This was not just Bryan’s moment, it was mine. You have to understand, at one point in my life I was watching close to 14 hours of wrestling a week which has now dwindled to 4 minutes Youtube clips. If Bryan had that belt I was going to be watching every show he was on. I wanted the shirt. I wanted the belt. This guy made me a kid again! And then…

Randy Orton cashed in his Money In The Bankcontract after HHH screwed Bryan over. You know extreme highs becoming extreme lows? This was me. Truth be told, I’m a mark. I am that guy that hates being yanked back into reality when watching movies or any form of entertainment. I never refer to Edge as Adam Copeland. I’m a Black version of that “Its still real to me!” guy. Orton getting the title...belt...strap...fuck it. Championship. Orton getting the championship to me meant a few things.

1. In with the old, out with the new. Instead of seeing some great matches with Bryan being this underdog (whatever that means anymore) champion and fighting against whoever the man sent his way, we get Bryan being screwed over on TV and even pay per view for the love of it all. We get Bryan being told things that folks on the internet have said about him for years and what Vince, HHH, whoever may also believe to be true. We have his mentor, Shawn Michaels, turning on him.

2. Bryan got the belt back only to have it stripped away. This was just to fuck with me, I’m sure. I was sure they wouldn’t keep the belt on Orton. At one point I was a huge fan of the guy. But, like HHH, he started off one way, became another, and stuck that way for better or worse.

3. Midcard madness! Now Bryan is teaming with Punk to take on The Wyatt’s. I liked Bray Wyatt...when he was called Waylon Mercy. I’m kidding. But seriously, watch an old Mercy promo with Wyatt’s music playing in the background and tell me its not the same character right down to the white pants. Now while I like the Wyatt’s fine, they should be nowhere near Bryan or even Punk. Wasn’t Punk in a high level feud with Brock Lesnar? Then Mr. Perfect’s son whose name isn’t worth recalling at the moment? Then Ryback? Who’d this guy piss off? Weren’t the Wyatt’s the fighting Kane who is now a part of the HHH regime? It makes no sense!

I remember the night Bryan was screwed over for the title. I went on Tha O Show’s Facebook page and was met with so many people telling me that I didn’t know how “the business” worked. That this story line was “good for business.” I even had one guy explain to me how wrestling worked. I’ve been watching this for 31 years now. I know how it works. I know how my complaints mean nothing nor does my satisfaction because I’m not a consumer of the product.

I’m just another internet guy complaining. 

WWE Newest Horror

The last few months have been a total geek fest for me in terms of seeing wrestlers I like and have liked for years being brought to FCW/NXT and then WWE. The latest is Sami Callihan. This crazy looking son of a bitch is someone I got into watching his stuff online. To call his style unorthodox would be a huge understatement. There's no real way to describe how he wrestles.

If you think he is just hardcore watch his match against Austin Aries where he, gasp!, wrestles. You think he is too small watch him powerbomb men a foot taller than him. Why am I sitting here defending a guy that has already been hired by WWE?! Just find his matches and watch them. He's not dull. He is way unpredictable. He has a style no one else has right now. And he does shit I would never even think to do in the ring. No, not when he piledrove a woman through a table at ringside. I think of that every week for some reason. Hey, I take public transportation! Old ladies be trippin'!

A while back I wrote an article explaining why I liked Brodus Clay. Ugh. Looking back now I wish he hadn't become what he is now. But something I liked about him while watching his match was the fact that when he got chopblocked he screamed. It wasn't the usual thing where a wrestler just collapses and holds their leg. He screamed. When Callihan gets hurt it looks like the ref should be stopping the match. I'm never quite sure when it is "real" or not. The guys that seem to be able to do that well are the ones that are considered indie like CM Punk, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, El Generico, and Daniel Bryan. Its less look like a muscle bound monster and more put on good matches.

The past few weeks the only thing from Raw that I've looked for now are Daniel Bryan matches. His match with Ryback shocked me. It was the best match Ryback has had since he's been there and he took leg kicks for the most part. If you took every member of The Radicals and added a bit of evil William Regal you would come out with someone like Callihan. I know that's saying a lot but I have faith in this dude. Plus I'm this close to giving up on watching wrestling.

I'm gonna post a link with a list of some of the movies he does from a Youtuber named ManiBahamutVZ because his finisher is a Stretch Muffler. You know that move, right? Single leg elevated Boston Crab. Well, if you don't tap out he drops and grapevines your body. Still feeling heroic? He starts kicking you in the damned head! Who thinks to do that to another human being?! Apparently this lunatic. I look forward to seeing what happens with this dude once he is on the main roster. I usually try and imagine a new guy with the current roster but from the way things are going lately everyone will be out with a concussion. 

TNA Hall Of Shame 2013

TNA/Impact! or how I create wrestling in my WWE video games because all the wrestlers come from different companies recently inducted Kurt Angle into their Hall of Fame. He is the first person to join the ranks of such amazing wrestlers as...uh...Sting. Yeah. Sting. That's it because this is only the second year they have done this joke. No disrespect to Sting or Kurt Angle. Both of them would make my top ten wrestlers of all time. The problem I have is the fact that they were the first two inductees into a hall of fame for a company that neither of them helped build. 

Now I know that people like to shit on smaller wrestlers but TNA was built on that. They were ROH-Lite to me years ago before they created their own identity. Guys like AJ Styles, Team Canada, Christopher Daniels, and Jeff Jarrett are the ones I think of when I think of TNA. One of them should have been first. And don't give me crap about them not being as popular as Sting or Angle. I doubt the average person knows who either of them are. As much of a Stinger as I am (was...) people would likely think he is Ultimate Warrior if you showed them a picture of his face.

When I first heard of this hall of fame I assumed that Jeff Jarrett would be inducted. Nope. Maybe Styles? No? Then who? I know that the company is made up of a roster consisting of mostly WCW, WWE, and ROH wrestlers. But the ones that have been there from the get-go should have been placed first. People talk about the WWE Hall of Fame as a joke because guys like Drew Carey and Pete Rose.

Bullshit.

Having a guy that is the epitome of WCW that isn't a regular member of your roster and did nothing to help the company gain notoriety as your first inductee is bullshit. Again, Sting was one of my favorite wrestlers growing up but he is WCW till he dies. Kurt Angle should have retired in WWE but he went to TNA and I cant think of one match he has had that can top any he had with Brock Lesnar, Chris Benoit, The Rock, or Stone Cold Steve Austin. If anything he's done nothing but tarnish all the good he did with his multiple attempts at getting into MMA, arrests, and trying to get into the Olympics.

I am already making predictions for next years winner. Hulk Hogan maybe? Samoa Joe (who is not a TNA original no matter how often they say it)? Taz? Knowing the way this is going it'll probably be Eric Bischoff just to piss me off.

Ziggler Free WWE

A few weeks ago one of the few reasons I have to watch WWE anymore was hurt. I'm talking about Dolph Ziggler. I mean, I know that Roman Reigns just hurt his ankle but I know close to nothing about the guy except that he has a great Spear and gets an entire tattoo sleeve done in one week and then continues to wrestle. Seriously, how is that possible?! I have six tattoos and had to baby each one. It was hard to type let alone compete against another grown ass man. How do they do that? I recall Umaga showing up one week with an entire new back tattoo and just bouncing all over the damn place!

Wow. That was a whole new level of digression.

So while interfering with a match Jack Swagger, who in a previous article I wrote about, accidentally kicked Ziggler in the head. Ziggler ended up completing what he was there to do and it turns out that he ended up suffering from retrograde amnesia. Now being the bionic nerd that I am I looked up what this was. While there are different forms of it, the most basic of explanations if that it erases memories closest associated around the time of the injury. This would explain why Ziggler could not remember Raw until he watched it later, traveling from Raw to Smackdown, of the entirety of Tuesday.

“I don't even remember Monday until I watched Raw when I got home. I don't even remember traveling from Raw to Smackdown. I don't remember Tuesday. I remember AJ and Big E [Langston] taking me to the airport on Wednesday morning” Ziggler said during a WWE interview.

There’s no specific time frame for Ziggler’s return and that sucks. He was seriously one of the few reasons for me to watch anything in WWE. I’m tired of most of the wrestlers and really only keep up from reading sites, listening to Tha O Show, and Saturday Morning Slam. Dolph Ziggler is entertaining as fuck. I don’t know if you’ve seen his stuff lately but not only is he good, he makes the guys he’s in the ring with look good. The fact that WWE is at the point where Swagger and stinking Alberto Del Rio. Seriously? That’s all you got for the guy?

So for the time being he is a champ that cant even wrestle. Who knows how long the company can even let him sit out and heal (properly)? As much as I miss seeing the guy I hope he does come back a while from now at 100%. It just sucks that he was taken out by someone that shouldn’t even be with the company. 

The Classics Part 8

I was recently thinking about one of the best Royal Rumble's that ever happened. There have been a ton of memorable moments and stories that have led to good Wrestlemania moments. The best Rumble for me has got to be 1993's Royal Rumble. This Rumble had not only the largest amount of superstars but some really good feuds were coming to a head.

This Rumble started with that Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers match I covered before in the very first The Classics I posted. This match is what I say is the best tag team wrestling match I have ever seen. If someone asked me “What is tag team wrestling?” I would play that match for them. Even though the commentary didn't work for whatever reason with Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan it didn't take away how good it was. This is the match with the best Frankensteiner ever executed.

The next match was Shawn Michaels versus Marty Jannetty. This match was the culmination of the “Barbershop Window Incident.” Mind you, this was pre-internet. As far as I knew at the time dirt sheets were what my cousin made when he pissed the bed. I had no idea that HBK was gonna kick his partner in the damned face and toss him through a window. He literally kicked the popularity out of Jannetty! Besides being a great way to keep this feud going this match makes you miss Sensational Sherri and the role female managers played when they were on their A game. I had no idea which way Sherri was gonna turn during this match.

The next match was Bam Bam Bigelow versus Big Boss Man. Uh...that happened. I seriously cant even remember this taking place.

Next up was for the WWF Championship with Bret Hart defending against Razor Ramon. Damn, Razor was a dick during this time period! He was fucking around attacking Owen (this was when getting hit with a trashcan ended with stretchers arriving on scene), trash talking Bret during matches and interviews. This match was just about as good as their match at the first King Of The Ring. Second Sharpshooter attempt. Pah! Ya done, son! Bret retains and I cheered like a little girl because he was Bret was my hero at this time.

Next Bobby Heenan brought out his latest wrestler, “The Narcissist” Lex Luger! I was like“That's...just Luger.” I was never a huge fan of his particularly since my brother could easily apply the damned Torture Rack to me whenever he pleased. Sitting eating cereal? Torture Rack. Going to take a leak? Torture Rack. Crying because I was put in the Torture Rack? Torture Rack. The shit was endless. So, yeah. The best part about this is looking at what was defined as hot in the 90's when they zoom in on chicks in the audience and Heenan's damn near fainting as he begs Luger to disrobe. Remember Chris Master's long ass entrance? Okay. No imagine it times twenty. I guess it worked though. 20 years later and I recall it better than Bam Bam and Boss Man's match.

Now it is time for the Royal Rumble! Apparently this was the first time where winning equaled a shot at the belt. I had cleaned the entire damned house for this moment. The match starts off with Bob Backlund and Ric Flair in the ring. Yeah. That is how this damned thing starts! How can I even make a comparison for younger readers? That would be like Undertaker and The Rock starting the Rumble in 2014. I guess. I don't know who you kids like nowadays. Heath Slater? Fandango? But seriously, I like Fandango. Not as a wrestler since a diving legdrop is ass. But the whole dancing shit makes me laugh. Back to the match!

This match had Virgil getting his revenge on against Ted DiBiase. The Natural Disasters (Earthquake and Typhoon) beginning to break up. Giant Gonzalez showed up and tossed Taker around like a ragdoll. Even as a child I thought his outfit was ridiculous. So no Taker for the Rumble. Now anything could happen. Hell, Fatu could be fighting for the belt!

Here are some of the names that were involved. Papa Shango, Rick Martel, Tito Santana, Carlito's dad Carlos Colon (when he came to the ring I was like “The hell is this guy?!”), Owen Hart, IRS, Jerry Lawler, Koko B. Ware, and Mr. Perfect. And of course Macho Man Randy Savage!

He and Yokozuna were the last two men in the ring and from what I remember Macho was the first person to ever take Yokozuna off his feet. He headed up to the top rope, delivered the elbow drop, and...went for the pin? What?! Yoko benchpressed him off his chest and over the top rope! I was furious! I seriously thought that he was gonna find some way to get Yoko over the top rope and win it.

Passing Of Paul Bearer

The wrestling world and millions of fans lost a legend. William Alvin Moody better known as Paul Bearer passed away and that sucks.I know that may not sound like the best way to describe his passing but its how I honestly feel. I grew up knowing him as Percy Pringle so when he showed up in WWF I was weirded out seeing him without blond hair. Before he managed Undertaker he wrestled himself. In one of my first articles for Tha O Show I mentioned how much managers were needed in the business and Bearer was one of the reasons I believed this.

Can you imagine Taker without him at his side? We would not be wondering if Taker would be wrestling this year at Wrestlemania were it not for Bearer getting that crazy ass character over. Yes, the WWF was strange at the time but the idea of a “dead man”wrestling? Please. Paul Bearer with his creepy ass voice and segments made what could have been a trivia question into one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.

Without Bearer there is no Taker. Its that simple. Taker didn't used to say shit back in the day! “Rest...in...peace.” That's it! Bearer did all the talking and there are millions of adults who were children creeped right the hell out by him.

This was a guy that was so damned good at his job that when he was buried alive in wet cement and returned no one asked “Uh, wasn't he...?” Doesn't matter. It's Paul Bearer. If you tell me that he can survive that I'll believe you because he was that damned good at his job. He made you believe that by raising an urn brought to ringside he could power up his wrestler that had gotten his ass beat. No one else can do that.

Years later he introduced Kane and brought an even more twisted element to his character. Yeah, managers had character but he was a character. Throughout his career he managed Mankind, Lex Luger, Rick Rude, and even Blackjack Mulligan. A lot of managers stay the same throughout their careers. Check out some old footage of Percy Pringle here if you feel like blowing your mind. If you've never seen him he's the opposite of the Paul Bearer you grew up with.

I was shocked to find out he passed away at the age of 58 but not so much that he was an actual funeral director. Makes perfect sense even though it would make me think I was being Punk'd if I saw him there. Paul Bearer was truly an original in every sense of the word. There will never be another manager like him. From interviews like in Episode 208 of Tha O Show he comes across as funny and a genuinely sweet guy. Years from now when I hear someone say “Oh, no...” I'll continue to respond with “Ooooohhh, yeeessss...!”

Rest in peace, Paul Bearer. 

Rewarding Bad Behavior

Last month on Raw Jack Swagger, after making a surprisingly triumphant return and winning streak, debuted his new manager, Zeb Colter. Less than a month into his return he was arrested for DUI, marijuana possession, and speeding. Now, I don’t give a damn about weed. I’m not a fan of it but am not opposed to others using it. But the DUI bothers me since so many wrestling tragedies have occurred because of people driving drunk. Its stupid and completely avoidable. I was expecting to hear about a suspension or future endeavor. 

I was very wrong. 

Not only was he not punished but he has been one of the most hyped guys going into Wrestlemania. He was shown on the news for his arrest and that was quickly turned around for he and Zeb’s “feud” with Glenn Beck. I hate these kind of feuds by the way. There’s no real pay off to it. What happens? Beck shows up and makes WWE look foolish or Zeb and Swagger make Beck, who most young WWE fans do not know, look foolish. Either way, where’s the wrestling I didn’t come for a debate?!

I have multiple issues with this entire Swagger story line. Not the arrest which isn’t a part of it. That’s just a personal dislike for people who like to endanger everyone by being stupid. I really don’t like or understand story lines based on race relations. They do nothing but breed more anger and hatred. Let’s say that you cheer for what Zeb is saying. What does that make you look like? This isn’t like the Muhammad Hassan storyline where an Italian played a Middle Eastern guy. This is two White dudes saying that they don’t like immigrants. 

Before anyone says it I also hate when Blacks are involved in these story lines. The Nation Of Domination, while spring boarding The Rock to superstardom, was a whack ass group. I’ve never looked at Black wrestlers and wanted them to win just because of their race. I just want to see two great athletes compete and hopefully entertain me. 

With the West Texas Rednecks the tables turned. Instead of cheering for Masta P and the wrestlers that rolled with him people started cheering for the “bad guys.” These mofos had a hit song with Rap Is Crap! And don’t try and tell me this was about hatred for a particular music. This was a way to say “I am not a fan of Black things.” 

Then there was the video. Oh my lord the video! I know that Big Daddy Donnie and the rest of the crew loved the way they broke character but when I saw that video I just covered my face and said “No, no no no no…” Even though it was on Youtube I hate when I see stuff like this. I’ve tried to forget the fact that these guys are not wrestlers but sports entertainers. Videos like this just grab me by the collar and say “Everything we do is fake except when we get hurt! Look at me use my normal voice and real name! Look at me!”

I cant look at either of these guys and believe anything they say. I know it sounds stupid but I still wish that wrestling would pull back on letting the fans see so much of what’s going on behind the scenes. I enjoy wrestling so much more when I stay off of news sites for a few weeks and then watch a show. I see guys return and am genuinely surprised because I didn’t read about them arriving at the airport where a show is taking place. 

Most important in all this rambling is the fact that Jack Swagger sucks. Have you ever watched a match with him and thought “Damn, I wanna see that again it was so good!”? I sure as hell haven’t. Not once have I ever tuned in to see what he would do next. When he was serious, goofy, super patriotic, or anti-immigrant he has not been entertaining. I know he’s the real thing with his wrestling background and such but just ask Sylvester Terkay how far that gets you. Swagger has everything to make a great wrestler…on paper. He’s big as hell and has wrestling ability. But for whatever reason it just doesn’t add up in the ring. 

You now how when we were little and would impersonate wrestlers? Mine would be Ultimate Warrior, The Bushwhackers, Macho Man, and Mr. Perfect. I wonder if some kid is running around the playground shouting about immigrants in their school. Most of the people I know are immigrants or have parents that are. This is a feud that was over before it started.