Saturday, April 19, 2014

Wrestlers That Should've Made It

Ever since I was a kid there have been those wrestlers that show up, make me go “Ooh, cool!” and then the next thing I know they're gone. Maybe they show up someplace else, maybe they don't. Either way it sucks when they are gone because they usually bring something new, strange, or just plain fucking cool to the shows. This week I am starting off with three guys who were gone too soon. Nailz, Mordecai, and Kizarny. Not gone too soon as in dead. Just, like, not on my TV anymore. Gotta be specific. This is wrestling after all.


Height: 6'9”

Weight: 297lbs.

Finisher: Sleeperhold(?)

When Nailz first showed up I was legitimately concerned for the safety of Big Bossman. A convict that he'd put away for over 2,000 days was being set free. Not only set free but allowed to compete?! Who was running this place?! His promos were scary as shit with this doughy, large White man talking as if he were taking the meanest shit in the history of shits and saying how he was gonna pay Bossman back. Of course once he started wrestling I was like “Those punches couldn't crack a potato chip.” I still liked him for his look and the way he talked. He was around for less than a year which in kid years is around three to four years.


Height: 6'3”

Weight: 270lbs.

Finisher: The Crucifix

This guy looked cool. It was as if they dipped The Undertaker in bleach. When I first saw him I was all “Next. Heavyweight. Champion.” Thank god I don't book shows because I couldn't have been more wrong. He wasn't bad or anything, but this was during that weird period where WWE was trying to be more realistic and no one was gonna take this guy for serious. He had some squash matches and then in three months...gone. “But he came back as Kevin Thorn in the new ECW, idiot!” says some mark. I know that, dick. But this is about Mordecai, not a vampire who came to the ring with a hooker.


Height: 6'2”

Weight: 235lbs.

Finisher: Tallulah Belle (double underhook DDT with body scissors)

This freak show should've so been bigger than he was in WWE. I had seen some clips of him before his debut wrestling and I liked everything about him. “If I were White, this is what I would look like” I said to myself and then immediately stopped because only crazy people do that. They chewed and spit this guy out in just two fucking months. Two months! The Goon lasted longer than two months and his finisher was just ramming someone into the ring apron and getting them counted out! Kizarny should've been at the very least Intercontinental Champion. His finisher was awesome and so was his look.  

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