Friday, February 28, 2014

The Hate Can't Wait: Heroes Reborn

Remember that awesome show Heroes that used to be on NBC? That first season was one of the best seasons of a series I'd ever seen. I liked it so much that I bought the first season on DVD and re-watched it. Then the second season happened and I was like “O...kay.” Then the third season made me sell my first season DVD to 20/20 Video and I didn't even bother to check out the fourth and fifth. I didn't and still don't get how they managed to fuck up a show so badly.

I wish I could quit you! Oh, wait. I did.

Now there is a new Heroes Reborn series coming out which I guess you could consider season six. I say that everything dumb I've done I have done twice. I'll be damned if I do it six times. What does this show even have to offer to people who were fans of the show until it shat into our mouths like a bird feeding its babies? Nothing! Stop making this new show because nobody cares. I guess they can trick some people who never saw the show into watching or some poor fans who have managed to erase the silly ass twists and turns this show made. But not me. I do not have the luxury of a bad memory.

Nothing But Gossip February 28th 2014

Singer Robin Thicke and his wife Paula Patton have separated after nine years of marriage. I am guessing it had to do with the fact that its hard to find a picture of him at a party where he isn't all over some young girl. He canceled some shows saying he had a sore throat but took his son to Disney World then flew home to try and get back with Paula. She was not having it. At a recent show he got on stage and decided to dry every vajayjay in the place by saying “For y'all that don't know me and my wife separated, but I'm trying to get my girl back. She's a good woman.”

Pictured: another good woman.

I'm sure she is. I thought something was up for a while after she started appearing for interviews for her movies looking out of it. While she had about two films come out everyone was talking about her and her husbands pot use and his performance with Miley Cyrus. Paula is just another victim of the HBT (Halle Berry Theory). The chick, Lana Scolaro, whose ass is being invaded in that picture had the nerve to chime in saying “Robin acting like that with me makes me think there were many more. It’s a shame because when you have a kid, it's upsetting.” Shut it.

Porn company Vivid Entertainment wants Farrah Abraham known for being on Teen Mom to shut her word hole. Since the release, and success, of her fake homemade porno (its not good) she has said that she was raped and drugged while filming it. Vivid CEO Steve Hirsch stated “Farrah thinks she can insult and defame the Vivid brand and get away with it. Either she stops now or we will take immediate legal action. She will be held accountable.”

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are engaged because she doesn't know that he fucked around on his last wife with two chicks in a Vegas hotel room. At least I think she doesn't know. She was withdrawn from the Spank Bank a while ago so this is not a huge loss for the penile community.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Babbling Old Man: Ghostbusters

The mind is a very strange thing. I have been walking this Erf all these years thinking that I had seen Ghostbusters. Now, this movie came out when I was 5 years old but that's no excuse for not having seen this. The thing is, my childhood was spent watching a lot of horror movies and shit that just wasn't appropriate for children. Hell, I was allowed to listen to Robin Harris standup which when I hear now its a wonder I didn't start cursing until I was 22. I didn't watch Dirty Dancing until a couple of years ago and still haven't seen Footloose. There's just movies that passed me by. Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink? Saw them in my 20's.

But still. I thought I saw Ghostbusters. If you had asked me before I saw Kiyoshi's post I would've sworn that I saw it. I would have been able to tell you what it was about by stating obvious facts. Stay Puft. Don't cross the streams. Are you the key master? Demon dogs. Uh...proton pack. I could have fumbled my way through it. But as I started watching it in the first fifteen minutes I said “Oh my god. I've never seen this!”

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Ross Radio Quickie Show 10

In this episode I play some music to get you up and moving. Marvin Gaye This Love Starved Heart Of Mine, James Brown Get Up Off Of That Thing, Rick James Bustin' Out, Otis Redding Hard To Handle, and Earth Wind & Fire Let's Groove. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Quickie Shows.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Song Of The Week: Royals by Postmodern Jukebox & Puddles

I decided to start a thing called Song Of The Week. It will mostly be based around songs that I have been turned onto or found while trolling the internets. The song for this week is "Royals" which was written and performed by Lorde but I'm not a fan of that song. I like this version by Postmodern Jukebox and performed by Puddles. You can check him out at Heather turned me onto this and I have listened to it at least a dozen times in the last few days and have been sharing it with as many people as possible. 

In Defense Of Fantastic 4 Reboot

I love pointless outrage. I like to think that I have mastered the ability to get upset about nothing. But the rage towards the reboot of The Fantastic Four film is funny. Most people are mad that The Human Torch is being played by a Black guy to which I reply “Its the fucking Fantastic Four...” meaning “Who gives a fuck?!” A little bit ago I defended Ben Affleck as Batman and this time I'm not gonna strongly attempt to defend a Black Human Torch so much as make you all realize that this isn't worth getting upset about.

There is this video that Max Landis, the writer of the second best superhero film Chronicle, made called The Death And Return Of Superman where the first thing he says is “Nobody gives a fuck about Superman.” That is how I feel about FF (I'm not typing their name a hundred goddamn times). This new movie is directed by Josh Trank who directed Chronicle which makes me far less concerned if this movie will be cool. Forget trying to convince people that a Black guy can be a fictional character. Getting me to even be interested in seeing a FF movie is far more remarkable.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Theater Whore: The Lego Movie

The Lego Movie 8/10

The Lego Movie was very cute. I feel weird even saying that but its true. Its so hard for me to watch most CGI films nowadays because they feel like they have no soul to them. To me there is nothing like watching an animated movie that was hand drawn by people. But its difficult for me to even bother watching these new films because I'm an old man. New things scare me. It takes a special something for me to give a new CGI film a try and this one did because it has Lego's. I never had them and when I played with them I was terrible. But still. Lego's.

It amazed me that this was able to make me give a damn about a main character, Emmet, who is the plainest Lego toy. He's really nice and tries to be nice to everyone. The problem is that he is so nice and agreeable that he doesn't make an impact on anyone around him.

Nothing But Gossip February 19th 2014

Kanye West is back at being a jackass. Between his not selling out concerts he is yelling at DJ's at radio stations during interviews at these concerts and saying that TMZ is racist against interracial couples. Come on, dude. You know they aren't but since stupid loves company his baby mama Kim Kardashian threw her hat into the ring and agreed with him. I wish they would both go away. Who can not trust in a man that says things like “I impregnated your mouth, girl, ooh...that's when I knew you could be my spouse, girl.” So...romantic.

Beyonce's father Mathew Knowles has not been paying child support on his kid. His baby mama is supposed to get over $30,000 from his ass and he hasn't paid. Her ass in using food stamps to get by. She should've hustled some more money out of him when he was still B's manager.

Singer Brian McKnight owes over $500,000 in back taxes. Damn. You would have to just kill my ass.

There's a naked image floating around the internet claiming to be Emma Stone. I assure you, its not her. I've done plenty of...research. It ain't her.

TV Slut: American Horror Story Season 3

This series American Horror Story manages to test the limits of fucked up things you think you've seen. I have seen foreign films like Rust & Bone where I said to my Camille “Great. Now I can't say that I haven't seen paraplegic sex.” Watching season three of American Horror Story: Coven I can also add zombie sex, bestiality, and ghost fucking to that list. Every season manages to top the previous in terms of messed up things you'll witness.

This season is about a coven of witches living in a boarding school for troubled girls called Miss Robichaux's Academy. The school is run by Cordelia Foxx played by Sarah Paulson. Her mother is the supreme, head witch named Fiona Goode played by Jessica Lange. To be the supreme you have to perform the Seven Wonders which is a series of powers. The problem is when a new girl starts to gain more powers the supreme starts to get weaker. Fiona already has cancer which is messing with her and whoever this new powerful girl is is just making her weaker.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Theater Whore: RoboCop

RoboCop 6/10

When the director of your movie tells his friend “the worst experience of his life” and “for every ten ideas he has, nine are cut” followed by “It is hell here. The film will be good, but I have never suffered so much and I do not want to do it again” you know that you're in for one hell of an experience one way or another. I've been championing for this movie ever since the first images of the new RoboCop design came out and after seeing it I have to say it was...okay.

This is very different from the original movie in terms of everything except the names and the fact that it takes place in Detroit. Instead of being murdered by a gang of guys Murphy is killed by dirty cops. This film is about police corruption as much as its about evil companies doing what they need to to make sure they make as much money as possible. It gets kinda distracting with the back and forth between the company, the cops, and the family. OCP has robots in almost every country but in the U.S. They seem rather effective but scary as shit.

Murphy is blown up except for his hand, head, and lungs. He freaks right the fuck out when he sees himself. I mean, he asks to see what is left of himself and I would've had them stop once I saw that my dick was missing. His wife wants to see him and they keep putting it off and when he finally sees her she is way more understanding than I expected.

Friday, February 14, 2014

DVDiculous: Girls Against Boys

I was doing some clean up on my Facebook page and found this movie Girls Against Boys that my friend Miss J. posted over a year ago and the trailer for it seemed cool. So I decided to watch it tonight and boy was I disappointed. I This was really bad! No, not just because it stars two skinny dames. That's not it at all. The music, the acting, the story, it was all just ass. If they were trying to go for a comedy about how rapey men are then they may have hit their mark. But to take this as a drama(?) or horror(?) film, I just can't.

This is one of those films where you watch a character and go “Why are you doing that?! Stop! Oh, great. Now you're doing something even dumber!” Its about this college girl named Shae who has the worst luck ever. She gets dumped by her man who is separated but decides to stay with his wife and child. Then she ditches her friend to go to a party with this chick Lu and they go to a party and head home with these guys. Nope.

Eat that burger, damn it!

She heads home with this guy and does everything a sensible person, not just a woman, shouldn't do. He rapes her in her hallways and I'm like “Are there no other people living in this building?!” She goes to the guy who broke up with her and he's all “Bitch, you can't just show up at my home!” He takes her home, she makes out with him then changes her mind, the he tries to force himself on her until she screams for him to stop. Meanwhile Lu is shooting a cop in the asshole. That is not a typo.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Insert Coin: RoboCop

"RoboCop was released in 1988 by Nihon Bussan/AV Japan. In the game, a player controls RoboCop who advances through various stages that are taken from the 1987 movie. The bonus screen is a target shooting range that uses a first-person perspective. The intermission features digitized voices from the actors."

RoboCop was one of those Nintendo games I borrowed for a long time because if I owned it I would have either tricked someone into trading with me or put my face through the screen. After seeing the movie when I was young I stupidly assumed that this game would be badass. It wasn't. It was weird and slow and not full of as much action as I was expecting.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Theater Whore: August Osage County

August: Osage County 9/10

Got around to finally checking out August: Osage County and am happy that I finally know how to pronounce the name of it. It was pretty much what I expected in terms of story and levels of discomfort. It was like being invited to someone's house for dinner and watching them get into a fight. If you've never experienced that be very happy. This is that times ten because it contains every amount of drama that you can think of from death, infidelity, incest, and drugs occur.

This will contain spoilers by the way.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Won't Be Fooled Again: Resurrection

I don't wait to complain. I saw a commercial for this new TV series on ABC and wrote on my Facebook page “Resurrection? Ha! Nice try. I'm not falling for this crap again. All these shows that have this outlandish premise but know they can't deliver. Terra Nova. Lost. Heroes. Flash Forward. Revolution. The Event. Stop it.” I even wrote a blog a while back about these kinda shows. Just from a 30 second commercial I can tell you that it will be lucky to make it till the end of the first season.

The series follows the residents of Arcadia, Missouri, whose lives are upended when their loved ones return from the dead, unaged since their deaths. Amongst the returned is Jacob Garland, an eight-year-old boy drowned thirty two years earlier. Having somehow been found alive in China, he is brought back to America by an immigration agent. His surprise return inspires the local sheriff, whose wife drowned trying to rescue Jacob, to learn more about this mystery.”

Demand It!: Welcome To the Jungle

I heard about this movie Welcome To The Jungle coming out last week and I absolutely had to see it. I like ridiculous and that is exactly what this movie is. What's funny is that there are two parts within one minute using the same gag that made me jump. Scary movies don't even do that. This stars Adam Brody as Chris. He works at an advertising agency where pretty much everyone is a weirdo and he feels stuck in his position. 

This asshole Phil played by Rob Huebel who steals his pitch and everyone now thinks is a hero. Enter Jean-Claude Van Damme!

Chris and his co-workers are told that they will be going on a two day retreat on team building. JCVD plays a guy named Storm Rothchild who says he has a ton of combat and survival experience. Chris immediately pisses him off. They are all put on a cargo plane with a pilot that goes to sit with them when he boards the plane. Chris gets in trouble for smoking pot even though it was actually his friend Jared played by Eric Edelstein. They get to this wild island and Storm has them do some screaming to unleash their inner wild man. Phil kicks up his super asshole behavior to brand new levels.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Theater Whore: The Wolf Of Wallstreet

The Wolf of Wallstreet 8/10

It took me a while to finally get around to see The Wolf Of Wallstreet and I'm kinda pissed about it seeing as how I've been watching so many bad films (with another cued up and ready to watch right after I finish writing this). I held up on seeing it because I had watched interviews and read one written by the daughter of the guy, Jordan Belfort, that this is based off of. He's a dick. This movie portrays him as a dick. This movie also makes doing drugs seems awesome!

This is about the rise and fall of Belfort played by Leonardo DiCaprio. He goes from an alright kinda guy to this massive dick at the speed of light! He cheats on his wife with this hot chick played by Margot Robbie that he meets at a party and ends up marrying her. I'm jumping way ahead of myself. Belfort gets a job trading with Matthew McConaughey who inspires him to be a beast. I had no idea he was even in this movie.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Theater Whore: Gravity

Gravity 4/10

Oh, Gravity. You're such a...nice looking film. That's about all the good I can say about what is continuously being called a great movie. Its not. Its just a pretty plate with nothing on it. Sandra Bullock is Dr. Ryan Stone and George Clooney is Lieutinant Matt Kowalski. That's all you need to know about this movie. Clooney is his usual fuckable self while Bullock reprises her role from Speed as a frantic dame in need of help from a man.

This is gonna be full of spoilers so if you don't wanna know some shit then skip this post.

Nothing But Gossip February 6th 2014

The nut that called Kim Kardashian a “ni**er lover” and got paddy caked by her man Kanye West has had his case thrown out because “victim unavailability.” That's a new one. He wanted $250,000 and West was willing to pony up but it seems this strange ass dude wasn't around.

A fan rushed the stage as Taylor Swift performed in London. Security removed him and sadly for hundreds of boyfriends who didn't want to be there, the show continued.

Tyrese Gibson is in a custody battle with his I'm assuming ex wife. She claims that instead of spending time with his 6 year old daughter he has been “gallivanting throughout Dubai staying in expensive hotels, partying on yachts, sky-diving with other movie stars, driving expensive cars, and making special appearances in night clubs.”

A dude named Luis Flores will be spending the next three and a half years in prison for stealing personal information and from the accounts of Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, Robert Mueller who is the former Director of the FBI, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Cruise, Joe Biden, Michelle Obama, and Bill Gates. This guy aimed for the stars. Literally.

There was a wake today for actor Philip Seymour Hoffman (Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love, Mission Impossible 3, The Master) who died of a drug overdose of what appears to be a large amount of heroin. Some reports say that he still had a needle in his arm and multiple bags of heroin around. There's some bad batch of the stuff going around that has killed people in the last couple of months. It is being said that a single drink he had after 23 years of sobriety got the ball rolling. He was 46 years old and leaves behind his partner and three kids.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

What Is A DJ Today?

Just what exactly is a DJ nowadays? I thought I knew but I'm starting to think that I'm completely wrong. Merriam-Webster defines it as “disc jockey noun: person who plays popular recorded music on the radio or at a party or nightclub; an announcer of a radio show of popular recorded music: one who plays recorded music for dancing at a party.” My definition until recently was someone who had a shit ton of records (actual vinyl) and played music for everyone to dance to. They would interact with the crowd and if they sensed that what they were playing at the time was as they'd switch it up and get everyone back into things. This isn't the case anymore.

I've been to the El Rey to watch performances a few times now (this isn't El Rey specific but since I was there recently they're getting the brunt of this) and each time I've gone the DJ has sucked. I don't mean they suck because they are playing songs I don't like. Hell, they play some very good songs most times. Its what they do to the songs I have a problem with. This is the part where I sound like an angry old man which I am growing increasingly more comfortable with.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

What About Chris Hero?

I'm a huge fan of Chris Hero formerly known as Cassius Ohno. Everyone is sitting around debating whether or not CM Punk is staying or going, meanwhile WWE had one of the best guys in wrestling in their hands and let him slip through. There's no definitive explanations as to why he was released. There have been speculations such as he was just not a good fit, bad attitude, to his conditioning. Either way it sucks for fans that wanted to see him in WWE. 

Hero rose through the indies with all of the guys that are being praised as the ones putting on the best matches and the future of wrestling right now such as Punk, Daniel BryanSami ZaynSeth RollinsDean Ambrose, and his former tag team partner Antonio Cesaro. I didn't mention Roman Reigns because unlike most people I'm not allowing myself to be tricked into falling for this guy. He isn't an indie guy. He never was. He went from college football to a deal with WWE. It doesn't hurt that he's a part of the Anoa'i family. In less than two years he'll be in Hollywood so enjoy him while you can.

If you've never watched a Hero match go and find some of them online. His stuff from Ring Of Honor is good but I prefer his Pro Wrestling Guerrilla stuff. PWG is slept on when it shouldn't be. I'm going to try my damnedest to see some of their shows this year since its here in California. Hero has the ability to play all kinds of roles ranging from bad guy to super baby face. He's athletic, does hardcore when he needs to, and has finishers for days. Whenever I have a wrestling game he's one of the first people I always create.

This is a guy that has been wrestling for years and has such passion for it. He loves to wrestle and you can see it. So what if he doesn't have abs or a deep tan. He's good at what he does. He was one half of the Kings Of Wrestling. Meanwhile everyone is crying over Punk, a guy that if he worked at my job I'd beg for him to quit. Here's this dude that is always on the verge of quitting, never seems happy unless he is getting his way 100%, and is talked about more for his talking than his actual wrestling skills. Speaking of his wrestling skills...

KENTA! Why isn't anyone talking about the fact that Punk took his entire signature moveset and finisher from him?! But KENTA does it better. Fuck, that guy is good. But I digress. I actually wish Hero the best in his future endeavors. Watching him wrestling is fun. I don't think of any backstage drama, who he is banging, or wonder what he is doing outside of the ring.

DVDiculous: Justice League War

DC Comics keeps on knocking them out the park when it comes to their animated films. This Justice League War was so cool that to me there's no need to hurry up and make a live action film. Some of these are so damned cool that to me that if they were released in theaters I'd see them. The animation is super on point and even though the original Batman voice isn't used its still acceptable. This is based off of the DC 52 universe so don't be confused because Batman and Superman have never met.

In Gotham there have been random kidnappings and people think its a vigilante. Green Lantern shows up and saves this ungrateful woman from this monster when Batman shows up and makes Lantern look like a jackass. Lantern is super cocky and doesn't want to listen to anything. Batman shocks him by letting him know that he's just a regular human. They decide to head to see Superman and a fight ensues because Lantern doesn't want to listen to anything.