FAP FILES: Emma Stone

There are some guys out there that don’t find Emma Stone hot. And I say to them “I’ll see you at the next Pride rally!” Seriously, how can you not like this girl? She is a natural blond but dyes her hair red (much like previous Fap Filer Christina Hendricks). I first noticed her in Superbad and was like “Wow, she sounds like she puts away three packs a day! Sexy!” Yeah, I love girls that smoke. As far as I know she doesn’t smoke but she does have what is called a husky voice. Is husky the right word? Whatever. Who cares what her voice sounds like? She is in a movie that has been number one for weeks. Actually it went from being number two to number one! That is how magical this girl is! You try and deny the power of The Stone. I dare you.

Also, I am aware that she looks like a cat. Apparently I have a thing for chicks that look like cats. I will blame all of this on Cleo from the Heathcliff cartoon. When I was little goddamn cats that were humanoid to me was hot. Had the same issue with Cheetarah from Thundercats. Don’t judge me! There is no man alive that grew up watching cartoons that didn’t think that some animal chick was hot! How dare you cast your judgment on me?! I will make eye contact with you for more than a few moments and know all your deepest darkest secrets and one of those secrets will be you lusting after some animal character. Or better yet, maybe you’re secretly a Furry. Don’t know what a Furry is? Google it and be scared.

There are rumors that she is dating fake Spiderman Andrew Garfield. I hope she isn’t. He isn’t in her league. Yes, I know that I will never date Emma Stone let alone meet her but I can still pass judgment on who she is with. Its called freedom of speech, bitches! If George Washington had never freed the slaves from the Martians back in 1987 we’d still be silent ass Asians! But since I can speak freely I will say that she is hot as hell and will look even better when she’s as old as me.