Tuesday, September 6, 2011

"Bad Ass Mofo": John Malkovich

“You know, the next time you choose a human shield, you're better off not picking a two-bit negro crackhead.” Cyrus “the Virus” Grissom Con Air

There is only one actor alive that can be in a film starring Nic Cage where he comes off crazier. One man that can go from being a total psychopath in one movie and then turn around and do art house small budget films. One man that can have an entire movie made about what its like to be inside of his own brain. And that man and Bad Ass Mofo of the week is John Malkovich.

                     The 10th Circle Of Hell they don’t talk about in church.

He co-owns a disco in Portugal. Do you need to know more? He was a fat teen and lost 70lbs. by eating nothing but Jell-O for two months straight. Not enough for you? I haven’t blown your mind yet with the power of Malkovich? He used to drive a damned school bus. That’s right. You ever been on a school bus? It’s a rolling zoo. I know because I was one of those animals!

                                                 Please do not talk to the driver.

Here is a quote from an interview Malkovich did.

“The other day I was walking down the street in the rural town where we live (in France) and a truck hit me, rather hard, going fairly fast. And he starts to drive off, so I chase after him, reach in the window and grab his steering wheel. And I say, 'Normally, in a civilized society, when we hit someone with a truck, we might inquire as to their well being.' So he said, 'I'm sorry,' and I said, 'Great. Try and be a little more careful and that would be fantastic, and so sorry to have troubled you.' I walk another 30 meters and he pulls up beside me a second time and asks me if he can have an autograph.”

Yeah. That. Happened. He got hit by a truck and ran after the damned thing! I could just imagine the fear on the drivers face as he began to realize that it was no mere mortal that was chasing his vehicle down, but John “Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde” Malkovich! Oh, I would’ve shit myself pregnant in fear. And the scary thing…he only gets better with age. The was when he was only running at 20%. Now? Close to 65%. Anything above 80 and we will finally know what happened to the dinosaurs. Seriously. Its science.

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