FAP FILES: Bettie Page

Back in the day before the internet if you wanted to see a hot chick you had to hope you went to school with one or that you had an uncle that was really bad at hiding his porn stash. I had both. I win. I don’t know exactly when I first saw Bettie Page.  It had to be a cartoon since that’s where anyone famous from the 30’s to 50’s was first exposed to me. I didn’t even know she did nude stuff until way later. Pleasant, meet my friend Surprise!

Page has been the inspiration for thousands of bad tattoos and millions of terrible haircuts. I actually get pissed when I see girls with her hairstyle. Don’t do it. Only one person could do that shit and look amazing and she is no longer with us. She managed to do pin up photos and bondage films (which are damn near laughable and tame by today’s adult film standards) but managed to look unskanky.

The funny thing about her is that I couldn’t even tell you how she sounds. If she called me I wouldn’t know it was her. And that would also be terribly creepy since she’s been dead for a few years. She managed to vanish and along the way found religion. Damn it.

Crazy how some of the most popular women from back in the day eventually lost their shit. But before they did thankfully they took a lot of hot pictures. I mean, Bettie Page looked hot no matter what she was doing. I’m sure if there’s a picture of her using the bathroom (there has to be one somewhere…) she manages to look better than 98% of the population. And that’s not fair. But fuck fair. I love me some Bettie Page.