Insert Coin: Streets Of Rage 2

“A year has passed since the events of Streets of Rage. To celebrate the defeat of the mysterious ‘Mr. X’ and his syndicate the previous year, Adam Hunter, Axel Stone, and Blaze Fielding met at their favorite nightspot in the city and spent their time reminiscing about their vigilante crusade against ‘Mr. X’ and his organization. Axel and Blaze had moved out of the city after the adventure from last year. Axel has begun working as a part-time bodyguard and Blaze teaches dance classes. Adam has since rejoined the police force and lives in a small house with his younger brother.”

Let’s forget that the big guy Max looks nothing like the character in the game, okay? I’m gonna talk about Streets Of Rage 2. Yes, I am skipping past part 1 because part 1 sucked. It was fun punching people in the face and all but the characters special move was that no matter where you were be it park or office building when you used your special move a goddamn police car would come out of nowhere and unleash a unholy rain of fire down on your enemies.

Woop! Woop! That’s the sound of da police!

                                  
This was one of those games where you could hit your own friends. It was funny the first time. But when it keeps happening you and your friend end up beating the shit out of each other and the enemies at the same time...not so much. And sometimes it was time for a good old fashioned sexual assault!

 Inappropriate!

Team work was very important. It sucked when while you were busy fighting ninjas, robots, and fat dudes that dressed like baseball players (one was named Dante!) your friend was busy eating street food, picking up and dropping weapons, or straight up stealing cash.

I’ll be over here…stealing money?!

The weapons in this game were hardcore. You could grab a knife and stab folks or throw it at their face. You could use baseball bats and even three foot long lead pipes! But you know, assaulting people and throwing fireballs and suplexes gets really tiring after a while. So to replenish your energy the city, the villains, or a caring god left you delicious fruit in the oddest places. Hell, there’s an entire goddamn turkey dinner hiding in the middle of one of the jungle levels.

            

“Good thing someone left this street apple on the bridge!” 

Blaze, the chick who thought it was a great idea to wear fishnets and a mini skirt to a brawl to save the city, has learned some new tricks in between parts 1 and 2 of this game. Blaze, tired of relying on the po-po to get her out of a jam every time she was surrounded decided to learn how to “Hadoken!” attackers away. It sounds more like she’s screaming “Yo-It-Toe!” though.

Fuck a rape whistle.

                                         
Aside from bad ass Axel, Blaze with her hooker outfit, and a dude that decided to show up in wrestling gear, you have Skate. Aptly named because this jackass decided that the best way to help rescue his older brother from certain death was to show up for a war wearing shorts and inline skates. And when shit gets hairy, as they tend to do, he breaks out fancy dance moves. I don’t know about you but little Black kids with outfits that don’t match doing windmills makes me soil my Dickie’s.

This is not the time for that, kid…