Lindsay Sloane. This is the chick from Sabrina The Teenage Witch. She was okay looking. Of course they have her all hunched and awkward because her costar and current baby factory Melissa Joan Hart was like 3 feet tall. I honestly lost track of her but not really.
I didn’t know that she played the crazy ex in She’s Out Of Your League even though I own the film. There are some chicks that when they are younger you may think they are cute or even just okay looking and you have no idea that they have the potential to grow up and look ridiculous in their hotness. For example…
Venus DeMilo. I loved the show Salute Your Shorts. When Michael left I was pissed because he was the heart of the show. So when Penski showed up…let me stop before I go on a rant. There was a tomboy on the show named Telly who was an okay looking chick. I was all about the snooty girl played by Heidi Lucas. She could have saluted my shorts anytime. Hi-yo!
Telly whose real name is fucking Venus Demilo grew up fine as hell! With that name if she had become a stripper it would have been totally appropriate. She is still doing some acting but needs to do some more. Hey, assholes? Hire Venus Demilo!
Hallie Eisenberg. This is the little girl from those Pepsi commercials. She had unfortunately huge dimples! I could only hope that as she got older that those things managed to disappear somewhat. Because there are some things that are cute when you are younger but not so much as an adult. Crawling, pooping oneself, and drooling can be added to that list.
Thankfully she stretched out and doesn’t have severe dimples. And I found out that she is the younger sister of Jesse Eisenberg! Yeah, the dude from Social Network and Zombieland. I had no idea. I could spend the rest of this just talking about how he should be Peter Parker in the new Spiderman film and not Andrew Garfield’s head.
Alisa Reyes. I am not a fan of the show All That from Nickelodeon. I want to punch Keenan and/or Kel in their faces whenever I see them. In this group of kids in the front row is some chick named Alisa Reyes. Don’t know who she is and have never heard of her. Don’t even know what she’s up to now.
I wonder what she looks like nowada--good gravy! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Wow. Way to go, Josh. Latina’s are pretty much hot regardless no matter where they are from. If you are born Latin you have a 93% chance of being smoking hot. Hey, I didn’t make the rules, I just enforce them.
Christina Ricci. I remember wondering what the hell Ricci would look like when she got older. She got boobs before anything else and her head just kept growing. I thought she was cute at times but she kept doing roles where she looked a mess. Funny how I didn’t find her hot until she played a skank that was tied to a radiator by Samuel L. Jackson.
All of a sudden Inappropriate Boner was playing on stage one in the Coachella in my pants. One of the memories I have of her is how she runs. Yeah. In Monster she runs from a car wreck with the limpest wrists I have seen since Lamar from Revenge Of The Nerds. Strange. The least sexy she has ever looked was a film where she played a lesbian. The irony gods were making a funny.
Maia Brewton. This is a personal one for me. When I was little Maia Brewton’s father was a teacher at my school. Mr. Brewton was a cool ass guy and one day said his daughter was in a new film, Adventures In Babysitting, and that she would be coming to visit. Little did he know that young Dante had a massive crush on her. She came to our class and signed autographs. I was so damned shy that when she came to my desk I put my head down and wouldn’t look at her. Soon as she was with other kids I was burning holes into her big, blonde hair.
When she was on Parker Lewis Can't Lose I did not want to be disturb lest I miss a moment of her on screen. She’s a lesbian now and I can only believe that it was my spurning of her as a child that did it. At least that’s what I tell myself as I gently rock myself to sleep in the bathtub while slowly saying to myself “Synchronize Swatches…”
2 comments:
I find it interesting to see how people grow up and change. Some of these pictures are fair though.. like Christina Ricci's--- she looks like that because she was playing a role in "The addams Family". She's always been pretty.. huge eyes, triangular shaped face. Just saying!
Well, I needed a picture of Ricci that everyone would know when she was little. And yeah her eyes have always been big. She looks like the Morticia from the original show now.
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