Sunday, April 22, 2018

The Review: Proud Mary

Proud Mary 1/10

When is this movie over? is not something I should ask out loud while watching something that isn't even 90 minutes long. Whoever did the trailer for Proud Mary starring Taraji P. Henson deserves an award for trickery because they managed to cobble together parts of this hot garbage and fool me into wanting to watch it. This is about a hit woman for a mafia that is allegedly very good at her job but seems super sloppy and reckless. She also has magic guns that go from silent to not when the scene needs it. Or just shitty sound editing. Some asshole kid that in other movies would be a victim you fight for stays alive in this and causes trouble that Mary uses bullets to make even worse. Seriously. Bullets are the period at the end of sentences in this. And by the way, no cops ever show up. Even in John Wick they do and they know the deal.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Theater Whore: Pacific Rim Uprising

Pacific Rim Uprising 2/10

This movie bummed me out and will have spoilers. In no world should a movie based around giant ass robots beating the hell out of alien creatures from another dimension be dull and feel long but Pacific Rim Uprising found a way to do it through a bad story, questionable technology, and super underdeveloped characters. I'm not saying the first film, which I loved and bought, was some Oscar worthy movie, but at least it had some heart to it. This movie screamed “Buy toys associated with this and look we have some kid here that you can relate to and holy shit is that a cute little robot that is the perfect size for your child of course it is because fuck you this is Pacific Rim Uprising!” I'm barely gonna say anyone's names because most of the people in this are just targets anyway.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Casting Slouch: Rebooting X-Men Franchise Part 3

This is the third and final installment of me trying to cast the X-Men reboot because the shit needs to be rebooted even though they are trying their damnedest not to. X-Men: Dark Phoenix comes out next year and I can not wait to not watch it. I'm not even mad that the guy directing it has never directed a movie before. Whatever. You just point and shout “Action!” right? The problem with these movies is that they are built around scenes and wondering how cool something will look instead of focusing on the story. It is hard enough just being who they are. You do not need world enders popping up in ever battle. And no one is new to the teams. They are a team al-damned-ready. Click here for previous Rebooting X-Men Franchise.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

The Review: Beyond Skyline

Beyond Skyline 5/10

This movie made negative money at the box office. It is not super hard to understand why though. Beyond Skyline is a sequel to Skyline which I remember existing but id not watch. I think a few other movies with the same premise came out around the same time where L.A was being attacked by aliens. This movie was not terrible and what made it enjoyable was the star Frank Grillo who is my new Steven Seagal but in better shape and without all the controversy. Grillo is a police detective named Mark Corley going to pick up his fuck up of a son from jail. His car does not work so they take a subway train. Explosions start happening and they have to bounce.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

The Review: Annihilation

Annihilation 8/10

If you were to ask someone “Wanna watch something weird?” and showed them the movie Annihilation they'd be pissed off at you because that question is not enough to get their bodies ready for this. Holy shit, this is a crazy ass movie but in a very good way. I did not know anything about it and saw a sort of review (barely listened because the host get too industry-ish for my liking) and decided to check it out. It is directed by the guy that made Ex Machina which I loved and stars Natalie Portman who I have had a thing for since I was in my 20's. So I sat down and tried to ready myself for some possible oddness and hopefully a cool film.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

The Review: Black Mirror S4E3 "Crocodile"

Black Mirror Crocodile 1/10

I am finally watching some more episodes of Black Mirror and just finished episode three from season four. I didn't like it. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it was that made this episode feel so insignificant. Like, this episode did not even need to be made. It has a premise that could work out to be interesting but felt like a light ass version of Black Mirror. It felt like that Phillip K. Dick series that is so bland I haven't even bothered writing about it. A woman riding with a guy who drunkenly kills someone on the road helps him cover it up and years later he wants to come clean with it.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

The Review: Lost In Space

Lost In Space 2/10

I tried my damnedest to try and enjoy this show. Lost In Space on Netflix is not something I have an attachment to. I have seen parts of the old series and that movie remake and know the basics. A family lands on some weird planet, there's a robot, danger ensues. That is pretty much what I have gathered from watching the first four episodes with some changes of course like Dr. Smith now being a woman, the robot being deadly as fuck, and a Black daughter that I won't stick around to find out the mystery behind.

Friday, April 13, 2018

The Review: Hap & Leonard Season 2

Hap & Leonard Season Two 10/10

This will have some spoilers. Arcs! Story arcs! I have realized that this is what every show pretends to have but does not. I am tired of shows having twenty something episodes to tell one story. Even with commercials a twenty episode season has over thirteen hours to flesh a story out and most times do not. Hap & Leonard is not one of those shows. I just finished watching season two on Netflix and, holy shit, this show continues to be amazing. James Purefoy and Michael K. Williams return as the stars and manage to make this season even better than the first (click here to check out that review). This season has six episodes and three directors whom none of them worked during the first season but the show felt the same in the best of ways. It also had some of the same writers.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Gossip And Shit: 4/7/18

Channing Tatum and his wife of almost nine years Jenna Dewan are getting divorced. I've been waiting for dude to be on the market for a while...

A 47 year old guy Paul Francis Floyd that is reportedly homeless and/or nutty attacked cars in Beverly Hill. He smashed the windows of Jaime King. Her friends son was hit by glass and Floyd was charged with felony child endangerment, felony vandalism, and misdemeanor battery.

Rapper (he stills rapes, right?) Fabolous could be charged with aggravated assault and making a terrorist threat towards the wife and mother of their children, Emily B. He hit her and she says knocked out two of her teeth. She remembered that he had guns and called her family to come which upset him. There is video of him acting like a fucking idiot. It takes a special piece of shit to do what he did.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Casting Slouch: Rebooting X-Men Franchise Part 2

In my continuing search and one man mission to cats the next X-Men movie here are some more names that I have come up with to play in the movie. This is harder than I thought it'd be since I am trying to avoid people from previous X films and people who have prominently been in other superhero films. Like Halle Berry as Storm/Catwoman and Chris Evans as Captain America/Human Torch. You'd swear there were only twenty people that acted the way some films are cast.

Monday, April 2, 2018

The Review: Suicide Squad Hell To Pay

Suicide Squad: Hell To Pay 8/10

Holy crap this was awesome! Suicide Squad: Hell To Pay was exactly what I wanted it to be. I did not realize that it had been four years since that last cool movie Batman Assault On Arkham. Click here to check out that review. Two times now they have managed to do in animated form what that expensive ass movie could not. Just take some criminals that will have their heads blown off if they do not follow orders, put them in a shitty spot where some will die, the end. Just make sure Deadshot and Harley Quinn live and you're good. My only real complaint is that they made Amanda Waller skinny. I always like when she is this big, Black woman.

The Review: Batman Gotham By Gaslight

Batman: Gotham By Gaslight 3/10

I was excited about Batman: Gotham By Gaslight when I first heard about it. I had not read the comic so I don't care whether or not it is true to the original story. Just want a good animated movie which DC has been lacking for a while. Turns out this was another disappointing one which really sucks. This takes place during Victorian Gotham where Jack the Ripper is killing ladies of the night. Batman continues to show up just after a crime is committed. Selina Kyle is also there trying to figure out who is killing women and stop them.

The Review: Santa Clarita Diet Season 2

Santa Clarita Diet Season Two 9/10

There will be spoilers. Santa Clarita Diet is so damned good! I was worried after season one (click here to read that review) that the show would take a while to return and by then wouldn't be as funny or it would drag. Thankfully that was very much not the case. This season managed to be better than the first and answer questions that the first created. The same cast is back and they did not introduce a bunch of people which I am thankful for because more people mean more questions and you never know when a show will come back or if it will. By the way, when this premiered I found out the day before and had no idea it was even returning yet.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

The Review: Power Rangers

Power Rangers 2/10

Sometimes I feel like watching a nonsense ass film while I iron. The one I chose today was Power Rangers. I was not a huge fan of the original series though I was a major fan (and still am) of the Pink Ranger Amy Jo Johnson. Seriously. She is one of the cutest women to ever exist. Back to the new crap. All I knew about this movie was that one of the villains looked terrible when he finally appeared and I was not disappointed. He looked real bad. This will be full of spoilers aka time saving.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

The Review: Brockmire

Brockmire 9/10

A few weeks back I started watching this show Brockmire on Hulu that originally aired on IFC with Sarah. I had never heard of it but knew who the stars Hank Azaria and Amanda Peet were and knew the face of Tyrel Jackson Williams. Just so folks know, I am not close to being a fan of baseball. It is fun to play but I do not understand watching it. So the idea of a show that is about an announcer, on paper, should be a show I avoid like the plague. But this turned out to be one of the funniest shows I've ever seen and am excited about the new season starting in a few weeks.