You Had One Job: The Crow 2024

In the original Crow movie “A man brutally murdered comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée's murder.” In The Crow: City of Angels “The spirit of the Crow resurrects another man seeking revenge for the murder of his son.” In The Crow: Stairway To Heaven series “A deceased street musician returns to life, and must restore the balance between good and evil to be reunited with his dead girlfriend.” In The Crow: Salvation “Alex Corvis returns to the world of the living to solve the murder of a young woman that he was wrongly accused of.” In The Crow: Wicked Prayer “On his way to becoming an immortal demon, a gang leader orchestrates the murder of an ex-con and his girlfriend.” I have seen all of these except for the series because I just had no desire to watch it. The other films were complete ass but they had one thing going for them that this new movie that is coming out: they used new names and characters.

“Soulmates Eric Draven (Skarsgård) and Shelly Webster (FKA twigs) are brutally murdered when the demons of her dark past catch up with them.”

Now...no. I like many other people that are in our late 30's through early 50's are upset about this movie. Not because it is a new Crow movie, but because it is a cockeyed remake. They could have called him Jimmy Coolpop and people would have been like “That sounds weird, but maybe I'll check it out.” There was no anger when those other movies came out other than the fact that they sucked. They messed up by using the characters names form the original movie and then releasing images from it. Holy shit, they should have held onto these images until a week before the movie was released. They have Eric looking like a meth addict and Shelly looking like...whatever that singer looks like. I have heard of her as a human but don't have any desire to listen to her music. She could call me right now and I wouldn't know her voice. Nothing against her but Shelly and Eric should not have some dark, fucked up past that came back to haunt them enough to be murdered. Even Sarah from the original movie said “Yuck” when the images were released and I haven't heard a word from that lady since the 90's!

I don't have a problem with reboots, remakes, or interpretations when it is handled properly. The first step is the look. This looks like ass. They have the nerve to use the names of the beloved characters. I looked up the director and laughed since I have watched two of his movies and they were trash. I looked up one writer and said “Excuse me?” and the other and just shrugged. It just makes me wonder why this was made (along with most films these days). I loved The Crow and if given the chance to make a new movie based off the lore it wouldn't even cross my fucking mind to touch Eric and Shelly. I would make up something brand new and original. This movie will likely fail and it will be another decade or so before anyone tries to make another one of these. They should have known better.

Click here for previous You Had One Job.