I gave this a 1 instead of a 0 because L. and I finished it. We had half an hour left before going to sleep and finished it the next morning. This movie was ass. There is literally nothing I liked about it. It felt like it was trying to imitate better films and directors and failing at every aspect. I should probably talk about what happened in this four hour feeling ass thing. This lady jumps off of a bridge and lands in some water. A guy fishes her out and a doctor pays him for the corpse. Next thing you know the doctor who looks like something from a horror movie has this woman who seems to have the personality of a toddler. His named is Godwin Baxter aka God. The woman is named Bella. She eats food and spits it out. Pisses on the floor. Just all manner of strange shit.
This guy named Max McCandles shows up and is there to keep records of Bella and study her growth. He starts to fall for her which is weird as fuck because she acts like a child. He decides to propose to Bella and Godwin says he must live there with them. By the way, Bella is sheltered as fuck and never allowed to leave. When they do take her out she is kept in the carriage or away from others. Another man named Duncan Wedderburn shows up and sweeps her off her feet with sex and travel. They are together but she just wants to fuck. Again...this woman acts like a child and it is very gross to watch her play with herself and fuck.
Okay.
Not covering the rest of this nonsensical ass movie. I'm not even mad that it got so many awards and nominations. Whatever. I barely saw any movies last year that were new anyway. I told L. there is no way I could have sat through this in a theater. Not just because it was bad (I survived Nocturnal Animals) but because it was so bad it wasn't even funny bad. It was just bad. The music was so annoying that we had to turn the volume down. It felt like I was being assaulted with the same sound effects Netflix is fond of using during intense scenes. The sex moments (which there were a lot) were nasty not just because the folks involved in them but because this woman has the brain of a child. No, I'm not calling her dumb. She literally has the brain of a child. Listen to this shit.
So when the doctor took the body that was fished he saw she was pregnant and took the brain from the baby and put it into the body of the mother. So even taking into account years happening between this and her meeting all these men she is fucking she is still a child mentally. Shits gross! She is eventually found by the guy who was the father of her child and he is awful and in her past life or however you wanna put it she was, too. He gets his brain replaced with a goats and the movie ends with everyone happy. I'm not gonna get into the feminism aspects of this movie and how people online loved the freedom to fuck for fun. I just thought the acting in this was not good. The music stank. The story didn't even make sense in a make believe world. The going from color to black and white to color. The fisheye lens. I could have never seen this and been okay.
Emma Stone as Bella Baxter
Mark Ruffalo as Duncan Wedderburn
Willem Dafoe as Dr. Godwin Baxter
Ramy Youssef as Max McCandles
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