You Had One Job: The Crow 2024

In the original Crow movie “A man brutally murdered comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée's murder.” In The Crow: City of Angels “The spirit of the Crow resurrects another man seeking revenge for the murder of his son.” In The Crow: Stairway To Heaven series “A deceased street musician returns to life, and must restore the balance between good and evil to be reunited with his dead girlfriend.” In The Crow: Salvation “Alex Corvis returns to the world of the living to solve the murder of a young woman that he was wrongly accused of.” In The Crow: Wicked Prayer “On his way to becoming an immortal demon, a gang leader orchestrates the murder of an ex-con and his girlfriend.” I have seen all of these except for the series because I just had no desire to watch it. The other films were complete ass but they had one thing going for them that this new movie that is coming out: they used new names and characters.

You Had One Job: Ms. Marvel

I think I am gathering more of an understanding as to why I am not enjoying the Ms. Marvel series. Other than the fact that I am not close to its target audience being a 40 something year old Black dude. Reading about how the show was designed with Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World as inspiration made me frown since I didn't like that movie. Her hero, Captain Marvel, was one of the worst MCU films for me so its hard to root for a character who is inspired by her and makes me roll my eyes when she raves about how cool she was. I mean, she has had one movie and showed up in another and its not like she defeated Thanos. She gets way too much credit. If you wanna read me talking about that film you can click here because I don't need to get too into it here.

You Had One Job: Race In Entertainment

This is where I complain, rant, and ramble. Welcome. Mike Henry is the voice actor of the cartoon character Cleveland Brown from his own series The Cleveland Show which ran from 2009-2013 as well as Family Guy since 1999. He has stepped down from the role after stating “It's been an honor to play Cleveland on Family Guy for 20 years...I love this character, but persons of color should play characters of color. Therefore, I will be stepping down from the role.” Jenny Slate has also decided to stop playing a character on Big Mouth that is biracial. This is just the start of what is going to end up being a not good thing to me. For the past few days I have been thinking about this the same way I thought about how people were upset with Bryan Cranston for playing a paraplegic in The Upside. I get most things...to a certain extent.

You Had One Job: New Mutants

Remember years ago when a New Mutants movie was coming out? And then a trailer came out but the movie didn't. Then another trailer came out and the movie still hadn't. Then a pandemic hit and the movie still didn't come out? Yeah. I do too. I was never a huge fan of the New Mutants comics but knew it existed and read some. It didn't get good until much later when older characters joined as mentors and such. I don't think I even mentioned this movie in any of my Excitement Level posts. It is such a “meh” team but these days they can take any character and make them interesting. No one could have predicted years ago that Deadpool would become one of the highest grossing comic movies.

You Had One Job: Altered Carbon Season 2

Altered Carbon Season 2

I just watched one episode of the new season of Altered Carbon and that was enough for me. Enough, I say! I loved the first season of the show but after reading the book knew I would have hated it. So glad I saw the show first. Then I was gifted the rest of the series of books (except the fourth one) so I like to think I know a metric shit ton about the universe of Takeshi Kovacs. In that post (click here for that) I mentioned some of the differences between the first book and the first season of the show. Now that I have read the books I was being super judgmental of this new season. From the start I was pissed! Well, maybe not pissed so much as insulted by the terrible writing. Also, Netflix is notorious for having shitty second seasons. 

You Had One Job: Punisher Season 2

Punisher Season 2 (1/10)

This will be filled with spoilers and long. “Oh, shut up!” is not something I expected to say a lot while watching season two of Punisher on Netflix. It seems that the second season of shows based on Marvel characters have to suck. Daredevil season two was horrible except for Punisher which is funny in hindsight. Luke Cage season two was garbage except for Bushmaster. Jessica Jones had a horrible second season. I barely even touched Iron Fist season two. Bernthal seemed ready to come back and do what he did the first time around and I was all for it but even during the first episode I had some idea that this may not be what I was hoping for. By the third episode I realized that this was a shit show but I was gonna finish it regardless. It got worse as it went on which is amazing. They introduced characters that were like Punisher-lite. Entire back stories for others I did not give a fuck about. Yeah, they had to pad this out because it has way too many episodes but when you really look at it this entire season could have been done in four episodes. I almost feel like they made this terrible on purpose because they knew there would be no season three. This is not The Review of Punisher Season 2. This is me bitching and ranting. Before I start getting into specific characters and such let me tell you about the shitty sound on this. Netflix has a habit of hiring people who are not good with sound editors. As someone who was once an assistant editor you are given guidelines for how low and how high things can be. There are a lot of checks before it gets to air. This show sounds like they had temps doing the shit. Conversations sounded like mumbling while the music came through loud and clear.

You Had One Job: Hellboy Reboot

This doesn't look right. Not just because Ron Perlman is not in it. The new Hellboy just does not look good. In photos that have been all dolled up? Sure. He's like the opposite of Fergie who I love moving but not in photos. This reboot of the Hellboy franchise just looks very not cool. I loved the first two films directed by Guillermo Del Toro with Perlman as Hellboy. It all seemed to work perfectly and looked amazing. I was not a fan of the Hellboy comics in any way. I knew who the character was and became a fan because of the previous films. The new trailer that came out the other day did not give me any goosebumps. That is a rating system I have. Like, the first Captain Marvel trailer did not give me goosebumps which worried me but then they released a second and it did. With this there will be no second trailer magic happening.

You Had One Job: Netflix Cancels Daredevil

I really don't like talking about studios. When I see a movie I want to just see the movie and afterward when reading about it then I can see what hand a studio had in the movie and why things made no sense. Streaming services are studios. They make full on movies and TV shows and have the ability to give and take away as they please. The Netflix series Daredevil has been canceled and I'm not super upset because the third season was actually really good and I felt fine with the way it ended. I didn't say to myself “Damn, I can't wait for this to return!” because shows these days just keep cranking out no matter how I feel about them. So I am not upset Daredevil is leaving Netflix. I am bothered by the fact that if I wanted to check out another possible season or a bunch of Marvel based movies and series I'd have to get another streaming service.

You Had One Job: Netflix Cancels Iron Fist/Luke Cage

This is not a race issue. It's a garbage ass series issue. It is being reported that both Iron Fist and Luke Cage have been canceled from Netflix and I am totally fine with that. Hell, they can toss in Jessica Jones in there if they want and I wouldn't mind. I thoroughly enjoyed the first season of Luke Cage and was very excited when I heard a second was being made...until I watched it. That second season was nothing like the first. The acting dropped. The music felt forced. It ended in such a way that it felt as if they did not even want a third season to happen. Hell, with the way he was acting The Defenders was pretty much dead in the water. There are some things you can not come back from even as a hero.

You Had One Job: Warner Bros Acquires James Gunn

There will be a Guardians Of The Galaxy 3 but chances are I won't watch it and some of the cast will not be involved after the removal of director/writer James Gunn after some old tweets that many found offensive were dug up and paraded like Oliver Cromwell. Seriously. Let me get this out the way before I get to the bittersweet news. Everyone says or writes something fucked up. If you dig into the past of someone you will eventually find something that you do not like or agree with. After Gunn was removed from directing duties from the next GOTG movie, which would have been fucking awesome, he had this to say.

“My words of nearly a decade ago were, at the time, totally failed and unfortunate efforts to be provocative. I have regretted them for many years since — not just because they were stupid, not at all funny, wildly insensitive, and certainly not provocative like I had hoped, but also because they don’t reflect the person I am today or have been for some time. Regardless of how much time has passed, I understand and accept the business decisions taken today. Even these many years later, I take full responsibility for the way I conducted myself then. All I can do now, beyond offering my sincere and heartfelt regret, is to be the best human being I can be: accepting, understanding, committed to equality, and far more thoughtful about my public statements and my obligations to our public discourse. To everyone inside my industry and beyond, I again offer my deepest apologies. Love to all.”

You Had One Job: New Joker Movie

Last year I heard talks of a Joker movie being made rolled my eyes so hard that I went back in time to seeing his portrayal in Suicide Squad and passed out. Names have been thrown around playing him such as Jared Leto again, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Joaquin Phoenix. Just knowing that this is on the horizon is like walking a plank with swords to your back and a pile of shit at the end. I know I am taking this ridiculously hard but it is because I love the Joker so damned much. I've written about who should play him in the past and am mad that Adrian Brody has still not been mentioned to play him. People need to work with me. I got Doctor Strange right by casting Benedict Cumberbatch.

You Had One Job: DC Cinematic Universe

$675 million worldwide does not sound bad. If I did anything that made that much money I'd be singing the songs of my people and crippling strippers with stacks of money. But that huge amount is actually terrible when you take into account Justice League stars Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman...and the rest. This is their tent pole film that is supposed to springboard many other films in the DC cinematic universe. To put this into perspective, Doctor Strange made $677 million worldwide. Yeah. A movie about a character that people kinda know that had no build up. There was no Strange in Avenger films to give some sort of backstory. In reality Justice League should have made a billion dollars or more. Deadpool cost $58 million and made $783 million.

You Had One Job: Tom Hardy As Venom

Yesterday I heard that there was a Venom movie being made. My reaction was “Why?” Its not that I don't like Venom. He was cool when I was in junior high but its been years since I gave a damn about the character in any way. For those that don't know who he is I'll give a silly quick overview. Venom is an alien known as a Symbiote that attached to Spider-Man and once Spider-Man realized what it was he got rid of it and Eddie Brock, who worked with Peter Parker and hated him, bonded with it and became Venom. I wondered how this was going to tie into the new Spider-Man movies done by Marvel but worried because they were jumping the gun. I'll get into that later.

Then I heard that Tom Hardy, who is bae number three, was going to play him and I literally shook my head. He was supposed to be in that Suicide Squad movie but left thankfully and I was wondering when he would hop into one of these Marvel movies. I just didn't think it would be as Venom and I sure as hell didn't think it would be in Sony's grubby ass hands. See, the problem is that Sony finally released Spider-Man over to Marvel Studios which is why he was in that last Captain America Civil War movie played by Tom Holland. In the small amount of time he was on screen he was the best Spider-Man in film (click here where I rank them). These films will not be connected so...its just a Venom film? I'll pass.

You Had One Job: X-Men Film Franchise

I am going to try to simultaneously explain why the X-Men movie franchise is garbage and try to make sense of its time line at the same time. This is difficult considering how many films that have been made, reboots, retelling, actor changes, and general not giving a fuck by the writers and directors. I recently watched the latest film, Logan, and just threw my arms in the air. There were things said in the movie that made no sense (Xavier did not find Wolverine cage fighting!) and just further convoluted this series. There will be a lot of focus on the Logan/Wolverine character because he linchpins this entire series. Let's see how far I get into this before my head explodes and my face melts off.

You Had One Job: X-Men Apocalypse

If you are reading this chances are you have already seen X-Men Apocalypse and I feel your pain. Or you plan on seeing it and don't mind things being spoiled. If you have seen the trailer you pretty much know the entire movie. You know Magneto is gonna destroy some stuff. Professor X loses his hair. Wolverine comes back. Oscar Isaac is unrecognizable as Apocalypse. The X-Men let a lot of the planet get destroyed.

If anything this movie proved that mutants are terrible and should be wiped out. I sided so much with the military in this movie. According to this universe if you take any two mutants, any of them, chances are they can take over the world or at the very least destroy most of it. In this post I am gonna talk about all of the characters in the movie using a short synopsis of each of them from the internet. If you keep reading beyond this point you can't be a little bitch and complain about anything being ruined. I mean, you can if being a little bitch is your thing. I also won't make any comparisons between this movie and Batman V. Superman or Captain America: Civil War. This garbage is its own garbage. Yeah, there is destruction in all of these but the amount in this is unheard of.

You Had One Job: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out Of The Shadows Trailer

I'm not gonna get into the trailer for the X:Men Apocalypse trailer that was released because it looks exactly like I was expecting it to and I've already written about it. But right after watching it I saw that a trailer was released for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows was released. I was drinking coffee so I was good and hyped to suffer through some bullshit. This trailer was actually worse than anything I could've imagined.

The turtles still look creepy as hell so they got that down. Megan Fox returns to pretend to be April O'Neil But they have Casey Jones in this movie that I didn't know was being made and he looks like a pretty boy because he is being played by Stephen Amell who stars on Arrow. He looks absolutely nothing like Jones should. No knock on Amell because I like him when he pops up on The Flash. But the Jones I want sounds like Clint Eastwood and never shows his face. I want a violent asshole in a hockey mask not named Jason Vorhees.

You Had One Job: Apocalypse In X-Men

When the image of the character Apocalypse was released a while back I was pissed. My first introduction to the character was I the X-Men animated cartoon and I was intrigued. Who the hell was this guy that could fly, change shape, super strong, shot lasers, and had a talking spaceship? At the time he was just some mutant that wanted to kill weaker mutants and humans. Then Marvel started giving more back story on the guy.

"In the harsh, unforgiving desert of ancient Egypt, ruled by Rama-Tut, a band of nomadic raiders found an infant, gray-skinned and freakish in appearance, abandoned by the settlers of Akkaba. The nomads took the child for their own, giving him the name En Sabah Nur, 'The First One,' and teaching him to be 'strong' in order to survive the desert as a child. This idea, that 'the strong will survive,' would shape Apocalypse's actions throughout time."

You Had One Job: Jem & The Holograms Movie

I like to think that I'm a reasonable person...to an extent. I will give things a chance if giving the proper motivation. But there are some things that are so bad that I refuse to give them a chance. The new Jem movie trailer is one. “You're an alleged man, Dante. Why do you even care?! It's a girls cartoon character!” Everything in that sentence is true. I am allegedly a man and Jem was a girls cartoon...that I watched. Every day it was on I watched along with My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite. I wasn't always a 6 foot 1, 220lbs. man. At one time I was a very tiny boy with no hopes of getting taller that knew how to paint his mother's nails and watched every cartoon I could get my eyes on. Jem was one of them. Why? Because she's truly outrageous, you asshole. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

Or at least she was.

You Had One Job: Suicide Squad

The new image of the cast of the Suicide Squad movie came out while I was caught up in the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight and hanging with a cute chick all weekend. I went to Twitter dodging Age of Ultron spoilers (I'm seeing it today!) and saw the cast and got confused. Not just because they look like a group of bad guys that would be in any B-level action film, but also because I didn't know who most of them were. Here they are listed by the photo above.

Slipknot (Adam Beach), Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Enchantress (Cara Delevingne), Katana (Karen Fukuhara), Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman), Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Deadshot (Will Smith), Killer Croc (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) and El Diablo (Jay Hernandez). Or three Punisher's, a ninja woman, a raver, some sick woman, a monster, a Black Punisher, and a gang member. Some people are upset that the Joker isn't in this image. He isn't on the team and shouldn't even be in this already bloated film.

You Had One Job: Jared Leto Joker

So...yeah. They released the image of Jared Leto as The Joker for the upcoming Suicide Squad movie and my first reaction was “Oh, no...” followed by “Why?” I had seen a picture of Leto walking around with short green hair and I liked it. To me it meant that they were going with a classic version of Joker and not leaning on Heath Ledger's version. But after seeing this picture I kinda wish they had. I don't hate the way this looks. It would be cool to me if it wasn't supposed to be Joker. I'm just not digging this. The teeth. The tattoos. 

I just can't. 

I like a scary Joker, a silly Joker, or a terrifying Joker. This one looks like a member of Die Antwoord. I can't even really say that I'll check this out when its in theaters because the more I learn about DC's upcoming films the less I care. I do have to say that I am happy to see a picture for one of their films where the character doesn't look like they just got back home from a funeral.

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