You Had One Job: Tom Hardy As Venom

Yesterday I heard that there was a Venom movie being made. My reaction was “Why?” Its not that I don't like Venom. He was cool when I was in junior high but its been years since I gave a damn about the character in any way. For those that don't know who he is I'll give a silly quick overview. Venom is an alien known as a Symbiote that attached to Spider-Man and once Spider-Man realized what it was he got rid of it and Eddie Brock, who worked with Peter Parker and hated him, bonded with it and became Venom. I wondered how this was going to tie into the new Spider-Man movies done by Marvel but worried because they were jumping the gun. I'll get into that later.

Then I heard that Tom Hardy, who is bae number three, was going to play him and I literally shook my head. He was supposed to be in that Suicide Squad movie but left thankfully and I was wondering when he would hop into one of these Marvel movies. I just didn't think it would be as Venom and I sure as hell didn't think it would be in Sony's grubby ass hands. See, the problem is that Sony finally released Spider-Man over to Marvel Studios which is why he was in that last Captain America Civil War movie played by Tom Holland. In the small amount of time he was on screen he was the best Spider-Man in film (click here where I rank them). These films will not be connected so...its just a Venom film? I'll pass.

Theater Whore: The Revenant

The Revenant 9/10

There will be some spoilers. Cam and I went to the Sundance theater and checked out The Revenant starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy. Holy shit. This movie should have been called This Is What Real Cold Looks Like, Fuck Bears, Nature Is An Evil Hooker, or Always Bring Chapstick. I mean...damn! This movie was rough! Poor Leo got his ass kicked the entire damned time. If it wasn't Native Americans it was bears. If it wasn't bears it was the weather. If it wasn't the weather it was sickness. If it wasn't...you get the picture. Shit was way rough.

It takes place in the early 1800's where a team of hunters and trappers are gathering pelts. Native Americans show up and start wrecking their shit. Leo as Hugh Glass and his half-Native American son are there and he is leading them. They get attacked, grab what they can, and out of 45 guys about nine of them survive and make it to a boat. When they reach land Glass is attacked by an angry ass mama bear. Its one of the most brutal attacks ever filmed and awesome. It made me sweat, my asshole pucker, and my face melt off.

Theater Whore: Legend

Legend 8/10

I got to see the movie Legend starring Tom Hardy and damn this was good. I did not know this movie existed or came out which makes perfect sense because fuck getting people like me to watch something new that's great, right? This is one of those movies that has a ton of actors from things where I know their face but not their name because they are from England. This movie was based off of real guys and as crazy as they seem in the movie it turns out they were way worse in real life.

Theater Whore: Mad Max Fury Road

Mad Max Fury Road 9/10

Damn, this was an awesome ass movie! There will be some spoilers while I talk about this. Funny though, even if I explained the entire movie I doubt it would take away any joy you'd have in watching a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire time. Well, there are some small breaks but its just for the characters in it to catch their breath. And then more explosions!

After the world has fucked itself up because in movies the future is either perfect with evil underneath or just wrecked Max played by Tom Hardy is just minding his own crazy business in the desert when these guys called War Boys show up and snatch him up. He is a universal blood donor which is good for everyone but him and has his information tattooed onto his back. With some inspiration from his hallucinations he manages to get away for a minute until being caught again. He is used as a “blood bag” for this guy Nux played by Nicholas Hoult. He is crazy as all hell.

The Review: Bronson

I finally got around to watching the movie Bronson starring Tom Hardy. I was hoping for a really cool film because all I knew about it was that it was based off the true story of a guy named Michael Peterson that changed his name to Charles Bronson after the actor. 

This is about Peterson who lives a life of violent crime and spends most of his life in solitary confinement. When he is not there he is causing havoc. When he is on the outside he wants to make a name for himself and fights underground and eventually dogs. This is from the same director that did Drive which I enjoyed quite a bit which means out of the three films he's directed I liked one. 

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. Not because of the violence which there is plenty of or for the ladies that wanna see his wang flopping around. The pacing of this stinks and there is just too many ideas thrown in the air and instead of being left on the cutting room floor were put in. Some things just sound cooler on paper. I didn't laugh, cringe, or feel any kind of hope while watching this. It was like reading the autobiography for someone I don't care for which I've done before. It feels like it thinks its being clever when its mostly just psychotic. One thing that was done well was the soundtrack.

Click here for previous The Review.

Demand It!: Locke

I watched the movie Locke starring Tom Hardy. I had no idea what this movie was about but ended up really digging it. He plays a guy named Ivan Locke that is in his car getting phone calls the entire time. He is talking to coworkers, his wife, his son, as well as a chick on the side that he got pregnant that decided to keep the baby.

Theater Whore: The Drop

The Drop 9/10

Cam and I got to check out The Drop over at the Arclight which is becoming one of two theaters that I will go to next to The Sundance. I had wanted to see this movie since I recently read the book and loved it. It doesn't hurt that the cast is great. The story has a very basic storyline that you have probably seen before but the cast makes this movie work like crazy. Even the stuff that was left out of the movie was the stuff that wasn't necessary to understand everyone's motivation. Tom Hardy stars as Bob Saginowski. He seems to be a very nice guy that has a plain life working as a bartender at his cousins bar.

James Gandolfini is Cousin Marv who owns the bar. Well, he used to. Now it is what's called a drop. When people place bets different places hold the money for the night. Marv and Bob used to be in a gang until these guys moved on in and were far tougher than they were. Marv seems jealous of Bob since the gang leader, Chovka plated by Michael Aronov, doesn't appear to respect Marv. Shit gets hairy when two guys rob the bar and Bob tells Detective Torres played by John Ortiz about a watch on one of the guys arms. They later get a bag with the stolen money and the arm in it.

Theater Whore: Lawless

The world knows that I hate Shia LaBeouf. This isn’t, like, some secret that I’ve been keeping deep inside. Talk to me for five minutes and you’ll know that I hate this guy, possums, love red draws, and I have amazing legs. So given all that, I was hesitant to see Lawless fearing Shia would stink up the joint. Boy, I was surprised at the fact that I didn’t hate his guts, but this was one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. Don’t let the ads and poster fool you. This film is not about gangsters.

The story is about three of the Bondurant brothers who run moonshine. They are bootleggers in Virginia during Prohibition who are known for being the best at what they do. Shia is Jack Bondurant who is the youngest brother with huge ambitions that his cowardly ass behavior cant live up to. Jason Clarke is Howard Bondurant who is the closest to normal brother but when he loses his shit he really loses his shit! And finally there is Tom fucking Hardy as Forrest Bondurant who is the one who runs everything and is known to be immortal. Apparently there have been multiple instances where he should’ve been killed but survived.

"Bad Ass Mofo": Tom Hardy

“I'm an actor, for fuck's sake. I'm an artist. I've played with anything and anyone.” Tom Hardy

I actually had to fight with myself to keep this weeks Bad Ass Mofo off the list. Tom Hardy is relatively young compared to guys that have been being awesome for years. Tom Hardy has managed to squeeze a whole lot of cool into a short amount of time so I kinda had to add him. Or he would hurt me. I’ve seen him do it even with one shoulder separated in Warrior. In this movie that many of you still haven’t seen you sons of bitches he is great. One thing about this guy, just like Gary Oldman, is that he looks different in almost every film. I’m not talking about haircuts or some nonsense which he has done. I’m talking about morphing into another fucking human being! In this and his other film Bronson he transformed himself into a BAM of epic proportions.

Theater Whore: Warrior

Due to the anniversary of September 11th 2001 and a generally slow box office this movie will probably not get the praise or box office totals it deserves. Warrior is one of those types of films that come out once in a great while. Luckily The Fighter from last year came out and made boxing movies seem relevant. This one focuses on MMA (mixed martial arts) and I believe that even if you’re not a fan of the sport, fighting movies, or violence that you will still see this movie and like you. Hell, you might even shed a tear or two. There are spoilers below.