The Review: Book Of Eli (old review)

Sometimes you see a movie that makes you feel religious. Sometimes you see a movie and it makes you want to whoop some ass. How often do you get both at the same time? Allow me to introduce you to The Book Of Eli starring Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, and Mila Kunis and directed by The Hughes Brothers of Menace 2 Society and Dead Presidents fame.

The Book Of Eli is a story set in a future where something terrible happened leaving the entire planet scorched. The exact year is never stated but when a certain disco song is played and listened to like its an oldie (I’m talking old oldie) you figure it has to be quite a ways away from now.

We follow Eli as he heads “west”. That’s all he will say. He comes across crazed bikers, cannibals, and a crooked man, Gary Oldman as Carnegie, that runs a small town with weapons, fear, and the knowledge that he’s the only person that can read. After Eli wanders into his town where he invited to stay the night he meets Solara played by a filthy yet very hot Mila Kunas who we know from That 70’s Show and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

The Review: Payback & Leon: The Professional

I watched the Mel Gibson movie Payback. I hadn't seen this in a while, like, the early 2000's and it came out in 1999. Its a pretty basic premise about a guy named Porter that gets double-crossed by his partner in crime and his wife. He gets shot in the back twice but ends up surviving and coming back for revenge. This movie was violent as hell and had some great villains. 

Gregg Henry who plays his dirty ass former partner plays the jerk pretty well and I wish I could have seen a movie where the two of them do jobs together before the betrayal. 

There seems to be a lot of back story that feels missing within the relationships but its still a good movie. Yeah, I'm fully aware of Gibson's reputation now but it doesn't take from the fact that he made some cool ass movies back in the day. I also managed to watch another movie I hadn't seen in a minute.

Way Back: Sid & Nancy

Koko showed up out of nowhere and said she wanted to watch the movie Sid & Nancy. I'd heard of this movie from 1986 and seen pictures from it but never really had a desire to see it. It was an okay movie but I have a low tolerance for people on drugs. They annoy me. And Nancy in this movie annoyed the shit out of me. This is based off the true story of the murder of Nancy Spungen played by Chloe Webb at the hands of Sid Vicious played by a very young looking Gary Oldman. But before all that....drugs.

Theater Whore: RoboCop

RoboCop 6/10

When the director of your movie tells his friend “the worst experience of his life” and “for every ten ideas he has, nine are cut” followed by “It is hell here. The film will be good, but I have never suffered so much and I do not want to do it again” you know that you're in for one hell of an experience one way or another. I've been championing for this movie ever since the first images of the new RoboCop design came out and after seeing it I have to say it was...okay.

This is very different from the original movie in terms of everything except the names and the fact that it takes place in Detroit. Instead of being murdered by a gang of guys Murphy is killed by dirty cops. This film is about police corruption as much as its about evil companies doing what they need to to make sure they make as much money as possible. It gets kinda distracting with the back and forth between the company, the cops, and the family. OCP has robots in almost every country but in the U.S. They seem rather effective but scary as shit.

Murphy is blown up except for his hand, head, and lungs. He freaks right the fuck out when he sees himself. I mean, he asks to see what is left of himself and I would've had them stop once I saw that my dick was missing. His wife wants to see him and they keep putting it off and when he finally sees her she is way more understanding than I expected.

Theater Whore: Lawless

The world knows that I hate Shia LaBeouf. This isn’t, like, some secret that I’ve been keeping deep inside. Talk to me for five minutes and you’ll know that I hate this guy, possums, love red draws, and I have amazing legs. So given all that, I was hesitant to see Lawless fearing Shia would stink up the joint. Boy, I was surprised at the fact that I didn’t hate his guts, but this was one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. Don’t let the ads and poster fool you. This film is not about gangsters.

The story is about three of the Bondurant brothers who run moonshine. They are bootleggers in Virginia during Prohibition who are known for being the best at what they do. Shia is Jack Bondurant who is the youngest brother with huge ambitions that his cowardly ass behavior cant live up to. Jason Clarke is Howard Bondurant who is the closest to normal brother but when he loses his shit he really loses his shit! And finally there is Tom fucking Hardy as Forrest Bondurant who is the one who runs everything and is known to be immortal. Apparently there have been multiple instances where he should’ve been killed but survived.

"Bad Ass Mofo": Gary Oldman

"Any actor who tells you that they have become the people they play, unless they're clearly diagnosed as a schizophrenic, is bullshitting you." Gary Oldman

An actor that can one moment make you cheer him and whatever cause he’s fighting for and the next make you cringe as he tortures your favorite hero with nothing but a glance. Gary Oldman is this weeks Bad Ass Mofo! Born in New Cross, London, England, I actually had no idea that he was English until I saw an interview with him. One f his memorable roles was in Leon The Professional where he chases a little girl after murdering her entire family in broad daylight in a ratty apartment. His breakout role came in the form of playing Sid Vicious in Sid & Nancy. He has the ability to transform himself physically almost becoming whatever role he is playing. In Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban he looks crazy way too easily.