Theater Whore: Lawless

The world knows that I hate Shia LaBeouf. This isn’t, like, some secret that I’ve been keeping deep inside. Talk to me for five minutes and you’ll know that I hate this guy, possums, love red draws, and I have amazing legs. So given all that, I was hesitant to see Lawless fearing Shia would stink up the joint. Boy, I was surprised at the fact that I didn’t hate his guts, but this was one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. Don’t let the ads and poster fool you. This film is not about gangsters.

The story is about three of the Bondurant brothers who run moonshine. They are bootleggers in Virginia during Prohibition who are known for being the best at what they do. Shia is Jack Bondurant who is the youngest brother with huge ambitions that his cowardly ass behavior cant live up to. Jason Clarke is Howard Bondurant who is the closest to normal brother but when he loses his shit he really loses his shit! And finally there is Tom fucking Hardy as Forrest Bondurant who is the one who runs everything and is known to be immortal. Apparently there have been multiple instances where he should’ve been killed but survived.

Gary Oldman plays a monster from Chicago named Floyd Banner. He isn’t in the movie a ton but when he is it is pretty fucking awesome. Jack sees him blow into town and empties a Tommy gun on another car, looks at Jack, and drives away. Jack is inspired to up his game and enlists the help of Cricket Pate played by Dane DeHaan from Chronicle. Jack also has eyes for a preachers daughter and heads to the church drunk as hell and almost pukes while having his feet washed.

Guy Pearce plays special agent Charles Rakes. You hate this guy as soon as he shows up on screen. He sends the towns cops to the Bondurant bar and tells them that if they pay $20 a week, which was a lot back then, that they will be paying up to him to keep him out of their hair. This guy is a scumbag. Forrest is not planning on giving any money even though all the other bootleggers will. He hates being touched and apparently wears perfume. Hmm. Sounds like me.

A chick named Bertha Minnix played by Jessica Chastain shows up for work and is kinda hired by Forrest. At one point at night these guys who got knocked the fuck out by Forrest show up and slit his throat. I seriously screamed at the screen “Oh, no! Not so soon in the movie! Don’t leave me alone with Shia!” Bertha saves his life and Jack decides to run the booze himself. He is held up by some mobsters and he and Cricket get thrown in a hole and are about to be shot and buried until he shouts that he is a Bondurant. Mobster Banner lets him go, buys his booze, and smashes a shovel into one of his mans face screaming that the last thing he needs is crackers with a blood feud after him.

Later Rakes beats the fuck out of Jack and eventually brother Howard and Forrest beat a man to death and sends Rakes a jar with a penis inside. Its pretty fucked up. Things continue to escalate to the point where Rakes ends up following Jack and his church girl to their main distillery. Howard is watching the place and he ends up attacking the cops and they start a fire fight and Jack steps on Rakes face which pushes him right the fuck over the edge!

This movie was really fucking cool. I wont tell you how it ends but it is pretty damned cool. I was trying to think of a time where I felt a feeling like I did with this movie and I think it is True Grit. Just a really damn good film with a lot of great performances. The music is good as well. I don’t wanna overlook that. And for the squeamish, there is some moments that is violent as all hell. Come on. I mentioned there was a severed penis in a jar!