Thirty Thirty Rules

A few nights ago I was watching this channel called ION. Late at night during their cartoon segment, Qubo, they play cartoons that were out when I was little. He-Man, She-Ra (who I'll talk about soon), Ghostbuster's, and Bravestarr. Now, I have always loved the Bravestarr cartoon but not because of the main character. Sure, he had the ability to have the eyes of a hawk, ears of a wolf, strength of a bear, and speed of a puma. That's groovy and all. But his fucking horse/partner, Thirty Thirty, was the main reason anyone had to have been been watching this show! That dude ruled!

Boo-yah-kah!!!

He has a giant gun named Sara Jane. I prefer to call it the Funeral Starter. That thing was massive. Look at it! No! Don't you dare turn away. You look at that gun and acknowledge how awesome it would be to own it. Nevermind how cool it would be to have a friend like Thirty Thirty. Even his name is tremendous. Just knowing that at any moment if I need him to he'll bust out this fucking room clearer and laser shotgun cannon blast anything that's in our way makes me happy. I want to be friends with this beast. There was one episode where some stupid goat kid found his gun and the damned thing was set to go full blown megaton.

And I wish it had.

Strange thing is...I'm not sure what Thirty Thirty is. I don't know if he was once a man who became a horse machine. Maybe he was a horse that could talk and got magic added. Maybe he was a robot built to resemble a horse. I have no fucking idea. And it doesn't matter. Why? Do I really need to mention the gun again? One thing that bugs me till this day is the fact that he has to carry Bravestarr around. Yes, he's a horse but he's also a killing machine. Bravestarr has the goddamn ability to run like a puma, which in the 80's was the world's fastest animal because we didn't find out about cheetahs until, like, 1992. You never saw Thirty Thirty asking him to lug around that huge friggin' gun once in a while. And why not? Ain't he got the strength of a bear? Yes.

Asshole.

I've always wondered why Thirty Thirty didn't just abandon the full on horse persona and stay walking upright. When he changed from one to the other it always looked painful. Maybe he likes it. Maybe the anguish caused by the transformation fuels his desire for battle. Like werewolves. When they transform it looks like it hurts like a son of a bitch. Maybe its all for show. He knows he is cooler than the main character and doesn't want to outshine him too much. Yeah. That must be it. Long live, Thirty Thirty!