Theater Whore: Dredd

In the new movie Dredd there is a drug called Slo-Mo which is also a good name for this movie. I’m kidding…but I’m also totally not. This is a reboot from that terribly awesome Sylvester Stallone version that was lightly based off of the comic book which started a few years before I was born. Judge Dredd was a character that growing up I had seen but knew nothing about. This movie was a chance to get new viewers into the guy and his world and it failed. But there were some good things about it. In the future America is a giant wasteland that looks like Florida will in 2014 called the Cursed Earth.

I am the lols.

In Mega-City one there are millions of people living piled on each other where Judges are the law. They have the ability to capture, judge, and execute people for their crimes. At the start Dredd played by Karl Urban chases down some guys high on the Slo-Mo drug where two of them die in a car wreck and he tracks down and kills the other using his magic gun. Its not really magic but however the judge tells it to shoot it will. Judge Dredd is assigned a trainee that had failed to become a Judge named Anderson played by Olivia Thirlby who is psychic.

Least threatening looking Judge ever.

Dredd and Anderson head to this tower called Peach Trees after this drug lord name Madeline Madrigal aka Ma-Ma portrayed by Lena Headey has three guys skinned, pumped full of Slo-Mo, and tossed off a building to the ground. They capture Kay played by Wood Harris and drag him along after being locked in Peach Trees and having a bounty placed on their heads. Ma-Ma and this poor bastard who runs the controls try everything they can to have Dredd killed.

This is what I look like watching Pornhub.

Dredd and Anderson cant call for backup and when backup does arrive they don’t even get into the building. From what I gather Judges aren’t too bright as these two get killed when Dark Judges show up. They are Judges that will do dirty work for pay.

We. All. Die.

Anderson’s psychic powers come in handy quite a few times but she still ends up getting captured before escaping when Kay tries to use her own gun against her and blows his arm off. Let me explain why she doesn't have a helmet. It interferes with her psychic powers. You telling me if I put a hat on you your powers stop working? Okay.

Let the rape party begin! Seriously. That was a thing that could happen.

Later Dredd finds Ma-Ma who has a device on her arm that is set up to blow up a giant chunk of the building if she dies. Dredd is like “Whatevs…” and shoots her and tosses her out of a window after giving her some Slo-Mo. You get to watch her die in vivid slow motion and the building doesn’t blow up. Dredd and Anderson leave and he says that she passed the test.

This movie was just…blah. Yeah, there were definitely some cool scenes that were super violent. You could tell that certain things were done just for the use of 3D which is not good in terms of a good story. Parts that could have been ten seconds became two minutes for the sake of a special effect. Urban as Judge Dredd is cool but he doesn’t have much to work with as Thirlby plays her part as if she is on drugs. She just floats through this movie. Headey as Ma-Ma is pretty damned cool as the bad guys really make this movie watchable. I know that some will say I have to read the comics to get this movie but its not my job as a viewer to do homework before a movie. Just write a good story. Some have compared this to The Raid which isn't fair because I’d actually watch The Raid again.