DVDiculous: Dylan Dog Dead Of Night

While looking up this weeks Bad Ass Mofo I saw an image of a movie I had forgotten existed that came out last year called Dylan Dog: Dead Of Night. Now, within moments of this movie starting you get the same feel and tone of Constantine which I enjoyed. That was a decent enough film but was almost nothing like the comic book. Apparently just like this film. There are certain comic books that are from other countries that are translated to film like Scott Pilgrim, Judge Dredd, or this. People who love the comic hate this movie.

Damn you, Stormare.

Superman & Jimmy Olsen Vs. The Monsters starts off with this chick that I know is gonna annoy the crap out of me making a sammich and blood starts dripping on her plate. She rushes upstairs into her father’s creepy ass room and he is dead on the floor and some Muppet from hell dives out the window. Meanwhile Superman is sleeping and some guy threatens to kill him for taking incriminating photos. Superman talks the guy out of it, not worried at all about being shot because he’s too cool for that bullshit.

"I know we've just met but stick it in."

From voiceover from Superman we are told that he likes his life simple and hates things changing. His partner Jimmy Olsen joins him on the investigation of the annoying chicks’ dad being killed. Superman is all like “I don’t do that kind of work anymore!” and then takes the job after Jimmy Olsen is killed. Don’t worry, he comes back as Zombie Jimmy Olsen! If you thought this guy was aggravating before, then at this point you should stop the movie because he turns that shit up to 11.

12 on weekends.

Superman heads to a club where Fake Dante aka Taye Diggs runs a vampire club where people get high off vampire blood. Why does that sound so familiar? For like $450 you can get some blood in a gothic bong and it makes you ten times stronger and act like an asshole. He is in power because Superman, after the death of his woman, went bonkers and killed all the old vampires. Just walked in and shot them all easily.

Thanks, Superman!

The head werewolf gets his daughter killed by some mega zombie so Superman and Zombie Jimmy Olsen go and battle it. Okay, I need to skip ahead because by this point in the movie there is so much nonsense happening and I cant cover it all. Superman battles the mega zombie and kills it. Annoying chick gets kidnapped and Superman and Zombie Jimmy Olsen get buried in a crypt but escape and it turns out that the annoying chick is actually some monster hunter trying to bring a demon that will kill all monsters back to life.

Slept for thousands of years and cant beat one dude.

Superman battles the demon in one of the most outlandish fights ever. Now, at no time did they ever say that Superman could the ability to not die when punched in the face sending him fifty feet in the air, crashing into a cement pillar, and crashing to the ground. Annoying chick cant control the demon and runs away only to be killed by Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle and his friends thus killing the demon as well. Yay. This movie could’ve been cool. It just seemed to decide to shoehorn so much shit in. The small relationship between Superman and the annoying chick was so fucking forced. I can accept demons, vampires, werewolves, and mega demons being in New Orleans. But this all happens within two days.