Casting Slouch: Jack Reacher Series

Saints be praised! The author of Jack Reacher, Lee Child, does not want Tom Cruise back to reprise the role. Know why? He short. I know that sounds fucked up but hear me and the author out. I liked the first Jack Reacher movie and the second stunk to high hell. I have read a few of the Reacher books and I could not finish (I have three of them near my door on the shelf) because when I read them all I picture is Cruise and if you have read the books it does not fit. I know that in translations of books or comics or whatever that characters can have their races, genders, and everything else changed. But with the Reacher character his size is such an important aspect of him that having a 5 foot 7 Cruise play him is ridiculous. Not to say that people of that height can not kick every inch of my ass because people like Demetrious Johnson exist. But Cruise is not Reacher. I saw the movie before I read the books so I just accepted that until reading the books and him using his intimidating size against opponents or diffusing situations with it.

"Bad Ass Mofo": Karl Urban

Its been quite a while since I have done one of these. There are two reasons. One, Photobucket is now a pack of bullshit and they completely redid their site so that I couldn't edit pictures the way I wanted. I know it sounds small but I try to keep some form of consistency. Second, it is getting harder to find guys that qualify, to me, as a Bad Ass Mofo. This guy is not only qualified but he may actually be overqualified as being a BAM. I present to you Karl Urban!

"Hi."

Born in New Zealand Urban got his start at the age of 8 and later as a teen. I had seen this guy in films and had no idea that it was the same person. Apparently I had forgotten that he was on Xena: Warrior Princess with Bad Mamma Jamma Lucy Lawless. He was in Lord Of The Rings and I thought “This guy is intense!” and figured he was just some guy that would be the background dude but not get a real role in films. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Theater Whore: Star Trek Into Darkness

The hardest thing about watching this Star Trek Into Darkness is that it feels like I am jumping into the middle of a lot of stuff that has already happened off screen. With other versions of Star Trek there are shows and such in between so that you have some kind of glimpse into what has occurred in the middle. I cant really review this the way I do other films because this is mostly running. Running from explosions, running towards explosions, running from aliens, running to ships, and running towards certain death.

As I watched this I wish it had been a story of the planet they were rescuing at the beginning. The story of Khan when finally revealed made close to no sense. It was like “Seriously? That was the big plan all along?” It was full of moments with communicators not working at just the right time and enough close calls for five separate films. It seemed like they took all of the things you know about the characters such as behavior and catchphrases and turned them up to eleven. Accents were heavier, quips more frequent, smug smiles more…smuggy. 

Theater Whore: Dredd

In the new movie Dredd there is a drug called Slo-Mo which is also a good name for this movie. I’m kidding…but I’m also totally not. This is a reboot from that terribly awesome Sylvester Stallone version that was lightly based off of the comic book which started a few years before I was born. Judge Dredd was a character that growing up I had seen but knew nothing about. This movie was a chance to get new viewers into the guy and his world and it failed. But there were some good things about it. In the future America is a giant wasteland that looks like Florida will in 2014 called the Cursed Earth.

I am the lols.

In Mega-City one there are millions of people living piled on each other where Judges are the law. They have the ability to capture, judge, and execute people for their crimes. At the start Dredd played by Karl Urban chases down some guys high on the Slo-Mo drug where two of them die in a car wreck and he tracks down and kills the other using his magic gun. Its not really magic but however the judge tells it to shoot it will. Judge Dredd is assigned a trainee that had failed to become a Judge named Anderson played by Olivia Thirlby who is psychic.